Today is hard
Had my counseling appointment, it went okay. We discussed things if I don't feel I can keep myself safe, the mammogram (not scheduled yet), #Selfharm stuff, #SuicidalIdeation stuff and things.
I kinda want to self-harm now, #Depression is high. Trying to motivate myself to do stuff. I'm really depressed and don't know why 😔 counseling didn't help too much. I feel like my life is one big distraction lately.
I miss my grandma a lot 😭 she died in 2019, she was more of mom than my mom could be it seemed. It's better now with my mom, a lot better but I can't discuss mental health issues with her or any other family members really. I didn't really with my grandma but I knew she loved me unconditionally and we agreed more on a lot of things.
My case manager called from my doctor's office about a different rheumatologist. Having issues getting in with one. She also called me back cause I called her about the depression and stuff, I don't know how that made me feel. I'm kinda numb and have fibro fog badly. Everything seems at an arms length and I'm disassociating a tad. I'm not doing great.