Abuse

How To Heal From Childhood Trauma

Healing from childhood abuse is often difficult because it involves a person acknowledging their trauma, seeking help from a mental health professional, practicing self-care like establishing a sleep routine, and eating healthy. Not to mention, building healthy support systems and learning how to use positive coping skills like exercising and practicing mindfulness. Oh and it is also important for a person that is healing from childhood trauma to have an understanding that healing is a non-linear journey with setbacks, which requires immense self-compassion and patience to transform past pain into resilience.

How To Heal From Adult Abuse
Healing from adult abuse is a
nonlinear and personalized process that often takes time to get used to and learn how to navigate. With that being said, this personalized nonlinear process often involves a person prioritizing safety, seeking professional support, and practicing self-compassion. Not only that, but it is important for everyone to understand that healing from adult abuse also involves a person learning how to understand and regulate their emotions, build a healthy lifestyle and support network, and setting healthy boundaries with themselves and others. Furthermore, it is important for people who are recovering from adult abuse to do whatever they can to develop a sense of self and learn how to manage trauma rather than erase it.

I. EARLY MEDICAL & LIFE-THREATENING ABUSE

Premature birth at 26 weeks (~1 kg), requiring intensive medical support

Life-sustaining tubes forcibly removed while you were an infant in an incubator during a private visit

Resulting physical injury (facial/nasal damage)

No accountability or protection following this incident

Category: Attempted harm / life-threatening neglect of an infant

---

II. SEVERE PHYSICAL ABUSE (ONGOING)

Repeated beatings by your father throughout childhood and into adulthood

Beatings escalated after you were already prone or immobilized

Violence severe enough to leave you bedridden and unable to move

Violence continued until approximately age 22

Physical abuse framed as punishment for “making his life hard”

Father admitted to beating you

Physical intimidation used as emotional regulation

Objects thrown at you with force (e.g., credit card)

Visible bruising concealed rather than treated

Category: Chronic severe physical abuse, domestic violence

---

III. SEXUAL ABUSE BY BOTH PARENTS

Sexual assault by your father in early childhood

Sexual abuse involving both parents

Both parents masturbated in front of you during your upbringing

Sexual boundary violations occurred before you had language or understanding

Abuse recorded without consent

You were forced to watch recordings of your own abuse

Sexualized environment imposed on you as a child

Category: Child sexual abuse, sexual exploitation, exposure abuse

---

IV. FORCED CONFINEMENT & USE OF DISABILITY AS CONTROL

Beaten into bed rest as a means of restraint

Disability (muscular dystrophy) exploited to limit movement

Relocated to a lower floor you could not physically leave

Prevented from accessing stairs and outdoor space

Unable to escape or seek help due to physical incapacity

Environmental confinement without locks (functional imprisonment)

Category: Coercive control, unlawful restraint, abuse of a disabled child

---

V. PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE, TERROR & SCAPEGOATING

Regular verbal degradation (“freak”)

Blamed for parental divorce

Blamed for abuse and told it was your fault

Later told by sibling you “must have done something horrible”

Treated as the family scapegoat

Violence framed as deserved or corrective

Fear used deliberately to control behavior

Learned silence as survival

Category: Psychological abuse, coercive terror

---

VI. PET & ATTACHMENT TRAUMA

Pets (cats/kittens) killed or forcibly removed

Selective deprivation: siblings allowed pets while yours were killed

No opportunity to say goodbye

Pets disappeared without explanation

Animals were primary sources of safety and companionship

You hid with dogs for protection

Relocation followed discovery of this coping behavior

Category: Psychological cruelty, attachment destruction

---

VII. DESTRUCTION OF IDENTITY & CREATIVITY

Forced to gather and burn your artwork and designs

Forbidden from keeping art in your room

Prohibited from touching or decorating walls

Creative expression treated as punishable

Ownership of your own work denied

Category: Identity erasure, psychological abuse

---

VIII. NEGLECT & MEDICAL ABUSE

Injuries ignored or minimized

Blamed for cost of medical treatment

Dental damage from violence and prematurity dismissed

Dentist misinformed and you blamed

Malnutrition and irregular meals

Disability-related needs neglected

Lack of protection despite visible injuries

Category: Severe neglect, medical neglect

---

IX. INSTITUTIONAL & SOCIAL ABANDONMENT

Severe bullying and assault at school

Broken wrist, cracked ribs, head injury from peer assault

Police involvement where you were unable to speak safely

Mother’s presence prevented disclosure

School staff did not intervene

Name erased in school (“my sister’s brother”)

No adult advocate

Category: Institutional failure, social erasure

---

X. ONGOING COERCION INTO ADULTHOOD

Physical abuse continued until father’s death

Violence used to maintain control even after you were grown

Emotional dependence weaponized

Manipulation framed as “friendship”

Category: Prolonged coercive abuse

---

XI. AFTERMATH & LONG-TERM CONSEQUENCES

(Not abuse itself — effects of it)

Complex PTSD / developmental trauma

Dissociation and memory gaps

Daily or near-daily pani

c attacks

Chronic hypervigilance

Severe sleep disruption (minimal REM)

Chronic pain and exhaustion

Schizoaffective symptoms triggered by trauma

Difficulty accessing anger and self-identity

Persistent flashbacks

Hi, my name is Freak_the_mighty. I'm here because I want to be able to talk about my abuse growing up. Put it in perspective. Have a good life regardless.

#MightyTogether #BipolarDisorder #Depression #PTSD #ADHD #Anxiety

Isolated

ALONE

Blocked Out

IN DARKNESS

ABUSE

STRANGERS

SUICIDAL IDEATION

EMPTY ICONS

EFFORT

FOR GRANTED OF

SAD

MUSIC FAMILY

YEL ALONE

DESTROYED

WITHOUT

TIRED

DRAINED

EMOTIONALLY SPENT

BIDING

BYE

SAD

SPRING SUMMER FALL N WINTER

INJURED

INNOCENT

GO AWAY

DIE

HELP THOSE

OR DON'T

JUST BE ONE

Hi, my name is ConstantComet. I'm here because I'm always learning and growing. Wanting to help prevent child sexual abuse.
#MightyTogether #PTSD #ADHD

Hi, my name is MomofZoey. I'm here because of abuse

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #Migraine #PTSD

Hi, my name is MothTV. I'm here because

#MightyTogether #Psychosis #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #ADHD #PTSD #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Grief #Abuse

TW: Suicide, Sexual Abuse, Religious Trauma

Shortly after my first suicide attempt, a well meaning Christian dismissed my struggles as an “attitude problem.” The interaction left me feeling despondent to the point that one of my roommates was concerned that I was going to attempt suicide again. He wanted to talk to our boss about my situation. I thought that was a terrible idea, as I did not trust the boss. However, I had gone inside myself, retreating from people because human interaction is harmful when I am depressed. I wasn’t in any kind of shape to advocate for myself. I don’t know why my roommate decided against talking to the boss. I’m glad he didn’t; it would have made the situation worse. After a few hours, I had stabilized enough to function as well as I ever functioned during this period.

Recently, a well meaning Christian suggested that my trauma, my history of depressive psychosis, and my suicide attempts were simply the products of an “attitude problem.” This mischaracterization of my issues stirred some memories, new and old. Among the new memories, I recall a meme by Lane Moore that hit me like a freight train when I first read it: “Surviving your abuser didn’t make you a ‘better person,’ going through trauma didn’t ‘make you grow.’ It took away your joy, and your trust, it almost killed you, and it shouldn’t have happened. If you grew or blossomed after, it was despite them.” I have always had problems with the notion that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I was never able to articulate my issues with it, but her take made me feel that someone understood me. It also made me consider how much of our suffering is the result of choices people make, such as the decision to bully someone. Should we encourage bullies because they provide opportunities for people to “grow?”

Thinking about this led me to recall an episode of Criminal Minds featuring the character Derek Morgan. While Morgan investigated the disappearances of several women, he met a priest, and could not hide the discomfort and disdain he felt in the priest’s company. When Morgan was a child, he was sexually abused by the director of a youth center. While the abuse was going on, Morgan would pray that it would stop. It did not stop. The priest replied that God does not give us more than we can handle. Morgan said that God asks too much of a thirteen year old kid.

This isn’t far from suggesting, as I have seen some Christians do, that Morgan should be grateful that he was molested, that I should be grateful for the abuse and the trauma that made me suicidal, that we should be grateful in general for the bad stuff that happens to us. I cannot reconcile the idea of a loving God with a God who would put a child in harm’s way to “teach him a lesson.”

I have always been fascinated by the numerous occasions when scientific progress was impeded by the religious beliefs of scientists. Isaac Newton was a man of deep faith who saw, in the laws he discovered, God’s perfect plan for the ordering of the universe. Yet he knew his discoveries did not perfectly describe the orbits of the planets, for example. He attributed this to some human frailty of his and not something God did wrong. It was indeed his belief that time was constant everywhere that caused the problem. The obstacle was resolved when Albert Einstein, also a man of faith, asked, what if God did it differently? This led to his discovery that time isn’t constant, but relative to the observer’s frame of reference, hence the theory of relativity.

In a similar vein, it seems that Christians became confused about what is important in shoring up those who are struggling. I can only imagine that a loving God would recoil in horror at the suggestion that the sexual abuse of a child is something that He intended. Why would a loving God want his followers to justify evil by claiming it was His will? That stance wasn’t helpful to Derek Morgan. His healing began when he confided in his colleagues and they responded without judgement, but with patience, a willingness to listen, and love.

I am not grateful for the trauma I have endured. Rather, I am grateful to my Emotional Support Canadian, who listened without judgement as I described my relationship with an abusive narcissist. It was her willingness to understand and genuinely engage in a dialogue about what I had experienced that helped me heal. The Christians who dismissed the pain of nineteen year old me as an “attitude problem” tore my wounds open and left them bleeding as they departed to pass judgement on someone else’s failings. I didn’t have the words back then to express how hurtful that was and how much such experiences have alienated me from religion generally.

The therapist I worked with the longest was a man of faith. However, he was more interested in religion’s capacity to help people live, rather than its concern with what happens when we die. His outlook was similar to Leo Tolstoy’s, who once said that he felt better about his life when he believed that there was a God who expected things from him. But a religion cannot help people live if it is steeped in mysteries that are beyond our understanding. Before we part ways, I leave you this question: Is it more likely that a loving God would want his followers stumbling in confusion as they contemplate the mystery of why He allowed one child to be raped while sparing another? Or is it more likely that a loving God doesn’t harm anyone, and expects his followers to help people who are suffering, without condemnation, but with compassion and a genuine willingness to understand?

#Suicide #Depression #Trauma #PTSD #MentalHealth #Disability