Abuse

I havent posted for awhile.. I have been trying to navigate a mental health journey for the better part of my existance.. I got married at 24 and spent the last 6 years learning what one choice to commit can do if its the wrong person on the other end of the commitment.. I was oblivious to hard substance use, Marijuana is fine with me but this was.. not the same kind of smoke.. moments I felt doubt I told myself (and so did he) that I was just looking for problems that didnt exist... intuitively I knew better.. and went through a phase where I almost left and got pulled back in while he still needed me to boost his image... now that he needs me gone to boost his journey I saw a more violent more dirty (hoarding) side to him then ever before.. all the years of trying to gently guide us in a direction of managing a healthy home together.. gone. Done. And all because one man knew I would help him get him where he wants and knew he could drop me when im no longer needed... I've seen stories like this all around me.. but to be in the midst is so different. I truely gave my everything for that relationship.. and worked on myself constantly. Thats the only positive, I can walk away knowing I am more mentally stable then ever before because I kept doing self reflection and tricking myself into working on my mental health harder and better then ever before, for himand myself.. and now it feel wrong to say I am stronger without him.. being in a happy relationship makes me feel guilty.. for anyone who has gone through something similar, the guilt shouldn't be ours. They wont feel it for us or take it on, but just know its misplaced. Keep on chasing happiness. Still be loving and accepting just with a new filter to be a little less nieve. 🩷🩷🩷🩷

I’m am not an expert. I’ve had a lot of diverse trauma over my lifetime. I’ve reflected deeply, seeking validation, truth, comprehension, forgiveness - and integration. I am almost there. I’ve just recently given up the “why?”. And I’ll never go back. It’s quite liberating. #PTSD #Abuse #generationaltrauma

Hi, my name is tmwake. I'm here because I was in a 5yr relationship (marriage) where I seriously thought I had met my soul mate! Turns out he was extremely narcissistic and didn’t realize the extent of just how bad until I was able to finally leave and come home from Wyoming & read up on it. My marriage in the end (the last year) of it was not only mentally & emotionally abusive but also physically. I know I need counseling, therapy something to bring me out of the trauma I’d endured however, my problem is I fear that once I find a therapist or whatever I’m gonna get 3-6mons into progression and they’re going to leave. Take a new job, move or whatever. I fear this because before I met my last therapist I had 4 before her that I had been switched too because either they moved, accepted another position etc. Same happened with my mental health professional that prescribes my antidepressants. I had 3 before her. When she left tho she started her own practice & there were a few of her clients she was taking with her & I was one of them, THANK THE LORD! Anyway, I thought maybe this may be a starting point I guess to start healing as I’ve never felt or been thru the kind of issues I guess I created, to deal with the situation I was in. For example, disassociation, hypervigilance, emotional numbness etc. I know I’m not crazy even tho he made me feel crazy due to reactive abuse. However, I now know it wasn’t me. Anyway, that’s the short version and rundown of my story. Thanks for listening/reading my post. TMWake

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD

Hi I'm new to this group but not to The Mighty. I'm autistic and am a clergy sexual abuse survivor. Religion has been hard for me following the abuse, but I very much want to reconnect to my faith. Looking forward to connecting to you all.

Must be difficult living a lie, day in, day https://out.Chasing the stories and narratives you fabricated for years and with dozens of people...Telling people how difficult it is, to be with me, as an excuse for all the problems in the house, in your life and the reason why nothing is https://resolved.Im the reason? Ok.
After years in therapy, I know now, it is me.I, am the problem and now,my anger towards this frail image ego, you and your mother, https://built.I no longer will cater to the lies you have told people through your family and friends.
I didn't build it. I was home here,fighting my best, alone.

Telling people, Im out of it, having a bad day, on drugs, incapable and https://violent.When the emotional abuse from you and yours has been going on for years.Years.
I will heal, https://alone.I will be https://alone.I am alone and have been for years now in this home. I am tired of these two believing, a body is presence and bills paid is enough for a woman in the https://home.A provider doesn't only pay the https://bills.A provider, leads, gives grace, teaches,has patterns that are consistently growing forward, not stagnant and cruel. I will take all the blame, the fall and the hit, as https://usual.Thats what I do, for https://them.They can find a passive, mouse dumb good girl to dote,a yes girl,she can excuse and enable their aweful ways, all day. Call a woman names, belittle and talk to her like shes https://stupid.Mock her, go ahead.
A maid can clean theirs and make them eat, go to the Dr and still, take care of life, outside their one job. They do no wrong, the Boys, they, have never apologized, ignore the concerns and they, want to be left https://alone.That is my answer to all issues now, let it lie, sweep it away, ignore it, she'll shut up.

I won't be made useless or idled with Despair

WHY IS CARING hard

IS A DAY off going to make you stronger

THE LIFE OF YOUTH

and the life of Elder's ages

IT'S A FLOWER WHEN FIRST IT'S NEW

it grows old and waxes cold and fades away with the morning dew

THERE ARE people dying

DO YOU CARE ENOUGH FOR THE LIVING

TO HEAL THEIR WORLD

don't abuse your callings of wisdom family spousal units boy friends girl friens care giver positions daughtering being a son, nursing and doctoring

IF YOU'RE IN FAITHFUL relationships try not to cheat

DON'T ABUSE WHAT YOU CONSUME

don't abuse your premises

DON'T ALWAYS HEAL THE WELL when you can care for the sick

DON'T DESPAIR TO TAKE YOUR LIFE TO END ABUSE

YES, IN PARDONING WE'RE PARDONED BUT JUDGE JUSTLY

HEAVEN MIGHT JUST BE VALUED TIME WITH VALUED ONES ON EARTH

SAD N LINELY IN HEAVEN MY FOOT

LINELY N UNSTRONG ON EARTH YES

A DAY OFF FOR STRENGTH

FAMILY SUPPORT OF AND BY YOUR OWN

BIPOLAR BURNOUT

CANADA'S A TREASURE WITH HEALTHCARE WITH VOWS

DON'T ABUSE IT

FAITH IS NOT BLIND BUT ITS HARD

WORK SOMEHOW

AND DO SERVICE TO OTHERS FOR YOUR PAY

LIVE SIMPLY

AND SIMPLY LIVE

AND LEAST OF ALL DON'T DESTRPY ME

poem romantic poem, lyric, school poem

LOVE, APPRECIATION, VALUE, Respect

KEEP WITH YOUR OWN

VISIT AND LOVE ON

PICK YOUR BATTLES DON'T KILL

LEAVE OR STOP

GET THROUGH SOMEHOW

HOPE THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS NOT JUST YOUR WORDS

DON'T FEED PEOPLE THAT DON'T HELP YOU

JUST FEED YOURSELVES

PAIN IS NOT NEEDED TO BE STRONGER

HELP

STRENGTH

HOPE

WARMPTH SOMEHOW

I am about to be 27.

I can't think of a time in which i was happy for more than a few days in my 27 years.

My toddler years included trauma, abuse, hence diagnosed with c-ptsd and bpd. My teenage years were all suicidal, very unhappy, very disturbed, not wanting to be alive. My adult years were not different even the slightest.

I am about to be 27. I got married 3 times. Each time i was sure that he was the one, then i left them. Thanks to my personality, or bpd, i never had a healthy relationship. They were all toxic to a degree, because i wasn't aware of my actions. All my life i thought it was other peoples mistakes but then turns out the problem was me, surprize!

I have been diagnosed with BPD at around 23. Then everything suddenly made sense! My god, of course i have borderline, now i understand everything much better. Now i understand why i behaved in the ways i did.

For the last 4 years, i closed my company, now i am unemployed, got married again, hopefully this will be for the last time, living with my husband and our dog. I am so freaking unhappy. I don't even know how to explain, i have been so freaking unhappy my whole life. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. I have been so unhappy, my whole life.

I don't know and can't see why i should keep going. I am only keep living because if something were to happen to me, my family would be devastated.

But then here comes the dilemma, i am living for other people. I don't enjoy being alive myself, not even a little bit. I don't want to stay here any more. But i have to. How problematic is that? I have to live because people gave me life and they would be very upset if i was gone.

I have been receiving therapy and pills for years now. Changed my therapist enough times. Tried everything. I can't feel better. I can't enjoy life.

My friend's mom killed herself, at the age 45, and she was diagnosed with bpd too. I am afraid that's whats gonna happen to me too. I will keep hanging there for as long as i can, but i've been so freaking unhappy my whole life that i am almost certain i will give up at some point. I am afraid it will be after i have kids, because that is the worse scenario. Therefore i am thinking i can never have kids.

I am feeling pity for myself. I don't love myself. I don't enjoy living. And the worst part is that this was my life's story.

Anyone going through something similar? Anyone who was unhappy their whole existence but who made it out okay? Is it possible?

I don't even know where to go at this point.