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    Community Voices

    These days I'd rather end my life than actually face the extreme pain of trauma processing

    What I see before me now in the trauma I have looked into that I experienced in childhood is something genuinely do not want to deal with

    But I know I have to

    And because its inevitable and I see it as too hard for me to genuinely handle on top of everything else, I've been seeing giving up as a viable option

    I don't want to do this work

    I don't want to go down this path

    I'd rather not bother trying to heal something that will knock the wind out of me and leave me in a state of emotional distress

    This is my limit and I cannot face anything else

    #Trauma #giveup #Suicide #Childhood #Abuse

    1 person is talking about this
    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    Joining In Today

    Good Morning 💙
    I am new to The Mighty and to this group. I am learning I may be dealing with #CPTSD . I have navigated my marriage falling apart (a 22 year relationship with two young daughters) psychological abuse and some physical and now my husband (legally) has a meth addiction. I got and then lost my dream job along with the people there that had become family. And most recently went through a new relationship and then horrible break up. I'm even embarrassed to say I haven't been able to handle the break up because I'm 48 and it seems ridiculous (that's what my mind says) The way it happened was the most hurtful part and the things that were said to me as well.

    I have years of experience with therapy and other wellness techniques. I'm actually known in my friend circles as being someone to go to for Help and also strength. However...my normal techniques to "bring myself back" just don't seem to be working. I did go through about two months of suicidal thoughts since this break up...but I seem to be pulling out of that. I have had extreme anxiety and been managing that with #four square breathing and also small doses of Ativan here and there. I've been caring for my Mom who had open heart surgery in March. I had to move from my home in May and everything I own is in storage. I've been doing therapy a touch...but my daughter is having some huge issues and I've mostly been focusing on her therapy and trying to get her the support she needs.

    I'm normally a much better writer and I know these thoughts are disorganized. I guess maybe that's a good indication of the condition of my mind.

    I'm reaching out here because I know that the CPTSD symptoms have taken over and it is beyond my ability to manage them.

    I do have some support networks. Friends I talk with from time to time (but never want to burden them too much)

    I did reach out a few times when I was feeling suicidal but my X boyfriend said I should follow through with my threats. Twice he said I should kill myself. And that I was attention seeking.

    I am currently not on a daily maintenance med...formerly on Prozac. Didn't really want to take that route but not sure if I need to now.

    I do try to do some things for myself. I have had training in Sound Healing...with an amazing teacher. Using drumming to manage symptoms. Deep breathing...relaxation techniques etc. I love it and promote it everywhere...hosted a few events myself etc.

    I can't seem to go anywhere without these extra thoughts. Intrusive, rude thoughts. They won't leave me alone. And I've about had it with them.

    I'm hoping to learn from others here about some CPTSD treatments that have worked for them and also more about it in general.

    Thank you for listening 🙏💜

    5 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    With the severe trauma and abuse I have, I feel I can realistically only live few "decent" years

    The reality, with the severity of the trauma I experienced, is a life that will mostly be of pain, suicidality, and immense struggle

    I will have more bad days and bad moments than days where I will feel in control

    If I live a long life, it will be a mostly miserable one

    It's better to live a short life that is with happy moments than a long miserable one

    If I was ever diagnosed with an incurable disease, it would honestly be for the best

    People with my kind of trauma can't live healthy fulfilling lives...

    #Suicide #Trauma #Abuse #mentalillnes #Childhood

    3 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I’m new here!

    Hi, my name is AuntieGigi. I'm here because
    my family won’t recognize the sexual abuse my father yielded and in fact urge me to “forgive and move on”. Further, my mother makes this about her and causes me guilt.
    #sexabuse #MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #EatingDisorder

    10 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I need to be strong

    My story is long to tell but in a nutshell I have had anxiety and depression pretty much all my life. Trichotillomania set in during 7th grade and I battle it on and off still. I married a man with PTSD (from the VietNam War and bad abuse as a child). My dad was an alcoholic but he worked every day. We said maybe 6 sentences to each other during his whole life. Mom was a nice christian women doing the best she could. I never once got a hug.
    So I am a classic people pleaser but I'm finally waking up to alot of things my husband does that I thought was PTSD but I'm sure he's BPD too. He's a very mean 74 year old man. FOR THE PAST 3 YRS I'VE BEEN LIVING IN A CAMPING TRAILER WITH NO RUNNING WATER . We do stay in campgrounds and RV parks so we have shower facilities. But this is Not Normal. Have I lost every bit of self esteem I ever had? We "live" in the northeast in the summer and Florida in the winter, and winter is coming and I don't want to go to Florida with him again. The past 3 winters down there have been hell. We have traveled 8 out of the last 10 years and I'm just dog tired. Suicidal at times. Help me be strong and stand my ground. He will coerce, cajole, call me a traitor, say any wife would be happy for the chance ... He will try to make me feel guilty, but he will never go alone. He's afraid to be alone. 40 yrs of this, no wonder I'm tired. Thanks for listening.

    6 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    The BPD stigma

    I have struggled with BPD for a very long time now as well as PTSD and the entire plethora of symptoms that come with with both. I spent the past 10 years of my life working at a treatment center for young men and women struggling with substance abuse problems. I kept what I struggled with hidden but one interaction stuck out to me and still does after all these years and influenced me to be more open with my mental illness. It was about 4 years ago and one of my coworker was working with one of our clients who had a BPD diagnosis. She came up to me clearly frustrated. She said, “That crazy b$&ch! I swear these people with BPD are all crazy and they all need to be exterminated. They all just need to be lined up and shot against a wall.” I just stood there and listened to her. I was dumbstruck. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was frozen. She had no idea that she was talking to someone who also had BPD. I spoke to my boss and expressed my feeling on the interaction. She was let go by the company the next day. In all honesty I was ashamed that I didn’t say something to her. I felt like I had let the whole mental health community down by not standing up to her. I finally accepted that it was all in the past but I swore after that, that I was going to be more open about my mental illness and be open to having discussions about it. It’s painful to know that myself and other who suffer from BPD are demonized and dehumanized in such a grotesque way. I hope in the future to start a type of mental health advocacy group with a BPD focus. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

    5 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    It's ok to have mental health days. It's ok that I am 24 still living at home. It's ok that I can only do so much

    I honestly feel jealous and out of place from my friends and other 20 something year olds who are currently working, in relationships, living on their own, and seemingly thriving in ways I am not able to yet

    I realize that they don't carry the same severe abuse trauma I am carrying. How, even some who were abused, had freedom in areas to grow that I did not

    on the outside I always seemed fine. My family looked like the perfect happy family. But that was far from the case

    I had an emotionally and physically abusive mother and an enabling father who together, created a destructive home filled with yelling, enmeshment, and abuse

    I was parentieifed and expected to care for everyone, but no one cared for me. I am still picking up the pieces where it feels with every placed piece, it falls apart and breaks into more tinier pieces. It often feels never ending

    I sometimes wonder why I was born into such a hellish abusive life. Why I didn't get the healthy or even less abusive childhood others had. Childhoods that might have allowed me to thrive better than I am now

    But the reality is that I didn't get that. I was unfortunately born to traumatized emotionally immature people who did not take responsibility for their brokenness and passed it on

    #Abuse #abusiveparents #Trauma #CPTSD #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Revelation #Broken

    16 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    Justified Anger

    Even if someone never directly abused you-but you told them and they did nothing, is it okay to be angry with them? I think so. I am trying to process this at the moment. #anger #PTSD #Abuse

    5 people are talking about this