Abuse

TRAGEDY

This poem was written in memory of those lost to suicide and for those who may be struggling silently. My hope is that someone reading these words chooses one more breath, one more conversation, and one more day.

Look at Me,

Can’t You See

My Tragedy?

A silent scream.

It is louder than an audible scream

if someone would just pay attention!

Look at me!

My words are entangled with the painfulness of life.

When I see you, I want them to flow like water,

nourishing plants in a well-pruned flower garden.

But they’re all entangled with hurt,

pain,

abuse,

and tragedy.

I mean tragedy that is so close

that it chokes,

blinds,

and stops your heart from taking a beat.

Look at me!

Can you see what life has done to me?

I tried to shake it.

I tried to live what we call a normal life.

The world kept on spinning.

The sun kept on rising.

The moon kept on shining too.

and

there were marrying and giving in marriage

and

babies being born.

I was there.

Did you look at me?

I was screaming.

I live in the midst of a silent scream.

Look at me!

I live in a whirlwind of tragedy.

Yes, I smiled.

Yes, I accomplished things.

I’m a victor and a veteran at a lot of things…

except tragedy.

I’m not saying that no one cared.

It just wasn’t loud enough for me to hear.

Don’t despair, not for me,

because life’s tragedy got the best of me.

You —

be on alert.

Tragedy is looking for its next victim to hurt.

Slow down.

Listen to me.

There is someone near you with a silent scream

who is asking you to:

“Look at me.”

“I don’t know how to conquer tragedy.

Will you help me?”

You may wonder how.

Give a genuine smile.

A hug.

A ride in the park.

A call.

A text.

A surprise visit.

Whisper their name

To call them out of the dark.

Say a prayer out loud

so they can hear their name.

This shows that you care.

Yes, there are other ways.

Just listen to your heart.

Be prepared to take action.

Help

by letting them know

that you are there.

Now listen:

I truly did not want to die.

No.

Not at all.

I just wanted the pain—

yes, the pain of tragedy in my life—

to stop.

I know you care.

Now, don’t despair.

There are others nearby

pleading:

Slow down.

Look at me.

LOOK AT ME!

My words are tangled like phone cords,

like weeds in your flower garden.

My words are filled with tears,

pain,

and tragedy.

My words don’t flow like water.

I don’t know how to conquer tragedy.

Will you help me?

I am you.

I am them.

Will you STOP

and look at ME?

Your charge is to…

Be loud.

Be bold.

They say…

SNATCH ME FROM THE GRIP OF TRAGEDY

SO THAT I CAN LIVE THE LIFE DESIGNED FOR ME!

I know you care.

So be loud and bold enough

for that one to hear.

You may be wondering

how I was able to write this.

so prolifically

Believe it or not,

I had a silent scream,

because I did not know

how to conquer tragedy.

And this thing we call suicide

almost happened to me.

But someone—

I call my Angel—

looked at me

and shouted through my tragedy.

It was loud enough

for me to hear.

Immediately,

tragedy lost its grip over me.

Be aware of the silent scream.

Ask yourself:

Is this person screaming…

LOOK AT ME?

Can you see my tragedy?

Look at me.

— Victoria Boaz Walker

In Crisis:

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Hi, my name is Loria8. I'm here because I want to read, inspire and be inspired about trauma healing especially from domestic abuse and how impartially long the effects are, yet hope at the end.

#MightyTogether

The saddest part of a group conspirators, they dont know the person.They know their own baggage and project it on to the other, not knowing what could surface.When someone shows you time and time again, that, they don't care,about your feelings, your heart, but that person doesn't know the difference, you are doing damage beyond repair and yesterday,I saw all, for what it is.
I am sorry and I am allowed to say it,alone and "untrainable" to what you'd like me to be.I thought after fifty years I could figure it out, for me.I was told to get it out, get mad, say it, so I did.I am being punished, grounded, disciplined like a child because I expressed myself,I yelled, faught and cried, like a child,like Ive never let myself....Its called acknowledging your pain.And, they can't handle it, no one can acknowledge the hurt from other people.I hurt them by expressing it on them, I know that. And I am alone because of it. I also know it is, an appropriate response to what has been done to me.And it is still happening, even though I am in no ones lives.to insinuate Im loosing grip with reality because Im grieving, is cruel and peak munipulatation.Others not addressing their issues does not make me crazy, unstable or an instigator, Im addressing the issues, that have ruined this relationship, his mothers treatmentof me, his cousins, his friends, they, came first, always.He cant even hold me when I cry because he doesn't want to.Why would I stay with someone who hates me.He couldn't tell me she was in the hospital and laughed at my situation again,said it was my fault,Im like this now.im hurt, my son is hurt and they dont care, no one spoke to me.no one.She took the reins and came after me, with help from too many and I know who.
And that hit hard last night.My sons been pretending for eight years.Hoping Id leave and Id never find out? I miss my son,my hope and optimism I had in people.I miss trusting people with my self.I miss people being caring and I miss gentlemen and compassion about life.I miss caring about them,laughing and being.I will be numbing this pain but I cannot go backwards for them anymore.it is, killing me slowly and I am not rebounding like I should be.This is not a narcissist calapse, this is systemic abuse and it is wrong.You cannot sweep what's been done under the rug,cant ignore what's been said, implied, neglected or ignored.Face your junk, sort it out and deal with it, for life.Blaming me for hurting me, is the point.I cannot grow with people wearing masks all around me, never have been able to.I can sit and watch them shift,people think their faces dont show it.It does and I see it, as they readjust to act.And now I can't unsee it so yes its me, its all me.I feel it, read it and they deny it.And Im wrong for not complying, that is all, it is.I do not fit into their mold, their expectations nothing more.All a front, just For Show.Give me a new job, a title and some new clothes and all will go back to normal right?
All those communication gaps disappear and the pride shows back up...no it takes work from both parties, together, not for convenience or when you remember, or because someone paid YOU IT Assistenza Informatica e Consulenza IT a Torino should happen because you want to, you enjoy doing things for your spouse, take pride in it.That was always a burden, a chore and a game to them.im hurt and he wasnt until she, got involved and they will never admit wrong doing.They, do no wrong.im punished for thoughts, feelings and goals, have been and thats not a fostering environment at all, for anyone.And that is all I wanted, a safe, fostering environment,that was calm, peaceful and safe. And it is,Not safe, if they are all in the house with you.

I havent posted for awhile.. I have been trying to navigate a mental health journey for the better part of my existance.. I got married at 24 and spent the last 6 years learning what one choice to commit can do if its the wrong person on the other end of the commitment.. I was oblivious to hard substance use, Marijuana is fine with me but this was.. not the same kind of smoke.. moments I felt doubt I told myself (and so did he) that I was just looking for problems that didnt exist... intuitively I knew better.. and went through a phase where I almost left and got pulled back in while he still needed me to boost his image... now that he needs me gone to boost his journey I saw a more violent more dirty (hoarding) side to him then ever before.. all the years of trying to gently guide us in a direction of managing a healthy home together.. gone. Done. And all because one man knew I would help him get him where he wants and knew he could drop me when im no longer needed... I've seen stories like this all around me.. but to be in the midst is so different. I truely gave my everything for that relationship.. and worked on myself constantly. Thats the only positive, I can walk away knowing I am more mentally stable then ever before because I kept doing self reflection and tricking myself into working on my mental health harder and better then ever before, for himand myself.. and now it feel wrong to say I am stronger without him.. being in a happy relationship makes me feel guilty.. for anyone who has gone through something similar, the guilt shouldn't be ours. They wont feel it for us or take it on, but just know its misplaced. Keep on chasing happiness. Still be loving and accepting just with a new filter to be a little less nieve. 🩷🩷🩷🩷

I’m am not an expert. I’ve had a lot of diverse trauma over my lifetime. I’ve reflected deeply, seeking validation, truth, comprehension, forgiveness - and integration. I am almost there. I’ve just recently given up the “why?”. And I’ll never go back. It’s quite liberating. #PTSD #Abuse #generationaltrauma

Hi, my name is tmwake. I'm here because I was in a 5yr relationship (marriage) where I seriously thought I had met my soul mate! Turns out he was extremely narcissistic and didn’t realize the extent of just how bad until I was able to finally leave and come home from Wyoming & read up on it. My marriage in the end (the last year) of it was not only mentally & emotionally abusive but also physically. I know I need counseling, therapy something to bring me out of the trauma I’d endured however, my problem is I fear that once I find a therapist or whatever I’m gonna get 3-6mons into progression and they’re going to leave. Take a new job, move or whatever. I fear this because before I met my last therapist I had 4 before her that I had been switched too because either they moved, accepted another position etc. Same happened with my mental health professional that prescribes my antidepressants. I had 3 before her. When she left tho she started her own practice & there were a few of her clients she was taking with her & I was one of them, THANK THE LORD! Anyway, I thought maybe this may be a starting point I guess to start healing as I’ve never felt or been thru the kind of issues I guess I created, to deal with the situation I was in. For example, disassociation, hypervigilance, emotional numbness etc. I know I’m not crazy even tho he made me feel crazy due to reactive abuse. However, I now know it wasn’t me. Anyway, that’s the short version and rundown of my story. Thanks for listening/reading my post. TMWake

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD