Abuse

The Lifelong Echo of Healing: On the Non-Linear Grief of Abuse Recovery

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." — Maya Angelou

"Healing isn’t linear," we’re often told, usually in the context of conventional grief—the kind with a clear beginning, middle, and eventual end. But the grief that follows abuse is different. It’s not about losing a person; it’s about losing yourself. It’s multifaceted, repetitive, and layered, a constant echo tied inextricably to your identity, not finality.

Surviving abuse means navigating multiple losses simultaneously. You’re not just grieving a relationship; you’re mourning the collapse of your worldview, the death of the person you were before you knew the darkness, and the shattering of the future you thought you were building.

"Trauma is not just an event that took place in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on the mind, body, and brain." — Bessel van der Kolk

This is where cognitive dissonance takes hold—a disorienting fog where you struggle to untangle genuine love from calculated manipulation, attempting to rebuild your fundamental beliefs about safety, relationships, and self-worth.

"Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence." — Peter Levine

It’s a cycle of rebuilding, failing, and repeating old patterns. The painful recognition of finding yourself in yet another familiar dynamic brings shame, but it is not a personal failure. It’s your nervous system, still patterned for survival rather than safety, picking the familiar pain until you consciously outgrow it.

The Stacking Stones of Loss

The challenge intensifies because the world doesn't pause for your recovery. Other losses—deaths, breakups, setbacks—stack atop existing wounds, each new grief pulling the unresolved layers of old trauma to the surface. Every setback reactivates memories that never fully settled.

Yet, within this difficult cycle lies a strange beauty: every resurfacing wound is a new chance. Another chance to see deeper, understand what was previously incomprehensible, and, crucially, to respond rather than collapse. This is how you begin to rewire the places that once trapped you.

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." — James Baldwin

Each time, the fall isn't as far. The stay isn't as long. You rise quicker, see the pattern clearer.

This is the real meaning of "healing isn't linear." Not a neat spiral or an infographic, but a long, messy, repeating cycle until your identity and soul evolve into something steadier. Maybe the endpoint isn't a final, self-actualized state, but the sovereign self: the version of you who can hold the grief without losing herself within it.

The journey doesn’t end. It just changes shape, becoming easier to carry. And you become a person who no longer fears the next round, because you have finally committed to not abandoning yourself when it comes. Keep building that beautiful life.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." — Joseph Campbell

Action Step: Pattern Recognition With Compassion

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." — Carl Jung

Healing demands awareness, not shame. When you notice you’ve repeated a relationship pattern or found yourself in the same emotional cycle, approach it with curiosity rather than criticism.

Ask yourself these questions, using the moment as feedback:

Did I see it sooner this time?

Did I leave sooner?

Did it destroy me as much—or did I recover faster?

Did I understand the pattern more clearly?

What did this round teach me about myself, my needs, and my wounds?

What part of me grew because of this experience?

What still needs strengthening, softening, or healing in me?

This is not an exercise in shame. It’s an exercise in awareness, evolution, and nervous system tracking.

"I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." — Carl Jung

Every repeated pattern is not failure—it’s feedback. And each time it happens, you’re given another opportunity to grow deeper roots, sharpen your discernment, and expand your self-trust. If you need professional support in navigating these patterns, confidential and trained trauma specialists are available via the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline.

Hi, my name is Lena225. I am here because I would like to share my story .. I've been diagnosed with PTSD some time ago. Long 8 years living with it .. in therapy for over 2 years and finally I am able to breathe! I survived sexual abuse/rape that caused really bad PTSD. I am here cause I am finally able to speak about it ..

#MightyTogether

I'VE BEEN having very lows, finances are low, I'm still caregiving, I have trauma n I'm trying to be ready for American Thanksgiving if family drop by but I can hardly afford additional groceries needed for that, I'm always busy n thoroughly exhausted, 3 Huskies, a teen daughter and her boyfriend, a family member who up to this week yells at me profusely, sadness, Thanksgiving care for others and lotsa sadness, huge yard work, housework n serving people all day from early morning and into the night, did I mention exhaustion, Anon moral support for 3.0.0.5 years, SI, bus travel, motherhood, enduring abuse at times, walking with a cane exhausted n crying or over that every day, abuse by authorities in the past and I'm always working I don't get it, sometimes lives are taken, my mother's was, I have Faith but it's hard to get there to celebrate, I'm clean, control it with a glass of wine, I don't wanna be left out always this weekend, I might not make it, am scared but ok, give of yourself to others til you can't.

Hi, I had a moment at the weekend where I realised there was no relief in my life because I'm always either overstretched or pushing people away (or as I put it 'chasing the golden mask' and 'feeding the f*ck off dragon'...). At that point I realised with horror that I am going to just have to do what I want. Since then I have been committed to doing what I want and maintaining open connections with people close to me. It's scary but I think it has to be better than just doing things I don't necessarily want to do because I think it's the only way to get people to respect me and running away when they try to get close... Has anyone else had this experience? Would help to know if I'm on the right track...[yes I'm aware of the irony... 🤨]

#Depression #Anxiety #Abuse

Well,no, I will not be quiet about whats has been done.Let's talk about, letting the cat out of the https://bag.Two strangers in one day tell me I need a police report and, joking a restraining order.
Then this https://morning.I did not expect a genuine bomb like that to be dropped in my https://lap.And then the reaction to follow, https://BOOM.The ringleader, taken a fckn https://bow.Damage control time, I suppose and right before the holidays.
Amazing that a charade, could bring so many munipulative players together.my therapist warned me,of it two years ago, I couldn't accept https://it.This is typical behavior, nothing original or out of the ordinary, I was told.

It does show the depth a man will go to for a
$$. I never wanted https://it.Dont be https://fooled.I didn't.They, have alot to loose. That is the grossest part, no admittance of guilt, nothing.im not going to be the scapegoat here, sorry.
I let myself, anger fly, gave myself permission, over the past https://year.There is a process and I had to learn that only, no one to participate with, big learning curve.
I have, lost it, here a few times,where I feel it was out of control, ranting, ruminating, mad scientists https://level.But this, https://no.One sentence, the other jumped.Wow.
I have every right to be angry, that I was phased out, without being https://told.A narrative was laid out, three years ago and this past year, has been strung very tight, between certain players and this morning, the biggest clown in the circus show, blew that up.
I am disgusted with All https://involved.Not one person, I hurt personally nor havs anyone ever spoken, to me.no https://attempt.This will not be going away, people will be hurt that should not have, been,involved.

I will happily remove myself when Im ready and able, but again, I won't be quiet, just to make you https://comfortable.You all, had time and opportunity to communicate, with me, with words.
Instead, you chose to gather up the masses, the $$ and the bottom https://feeders.Thanks for showing me true character, I am relearning that,by example and https://pettiness.I am not surprised how quick life, takes things from you, when you are forthcoming. I lived https://it.It was all Not who brought the narrative, he was ashamed and embarrassed of https://us.And his actions have proven https://that.I have a memory that likes to fckin boomerang me https://back.I hate https://it.When the entire picture flashes in front of you, its nauseous, surreal,numbing and https://paralyzing.And in my situation, I feel https://paralyzed.And I do understand now, that was the intent, the intended impact.id be without control, without choice, isolated and stuck.to intentionally put someone, who is already, vulnerable, in that position, is not love, that is not care. I am disappointed in every person, that said they were there for https://me.No.I do not see it.
I did tell the https://truth.And I am Still, being punished for https://it.I did get through it, https://alone.I did reach https://out.I did show https://up.I did ask for https://clarity.I did give https://grace.I was and am grateful, for my life, my son and his future.
Oh, but I wanted to know how, where and who?
I wanted to know who,is involving my,family? Who is, manipulating my Son?Why, are there so many involved?But Im wrong? NO. Im asking valid questions.im questioning why I was not told, a https://thing.Why was I being lied https://to.Why I have a fake phone line between her and I?
Common denominator means what? I am dealing with extremely dark triad personality stuff here and Im not going to sit by and ignore my life being https://taken.Why anyone would go behind my back, to have relationships with my Sons kid, thats their character flaw, not https://mine.To insert yourself between two people, who should be getting acquainted, is sick .Her, who has been plotting against me for the last, three https://years.Who told me to come to her when, things get bad?She https://did.Then uses it as https://amunnition.Trashes your entire being and then goes after https://family.Stay away from woman, who maliciously Hurt and Gossip, other https://women.Ecspecially the ones that go after their Own, to protect their image.

All About The TIPS

The mental health acronym TIPS is short for Treatment Improvement Protocols. It focuses on the three CS which are connection, co- regulation, and calm and is a series of best-practice guidelines that includes exercises and strategies like therapeutic anchor points, giving positive praise, and focusing on a person’s internal world and survival skills. Last but not least, most people consider TIPS to be very effective and it was developed by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) as a way to help assist with the prevention and treatment of mental and substance use disorders.