Addiction

You can still have an amazing & full life no matter how much time has passed & how much time is left.
#PTSD #MentalHealth #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #AnorexiaNervosa #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Schizophrenia #Addiction #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Lupus

Sometimes your mind will convince you there’s so much to worry about. When this happens, pause for a moment and notice: is there actually something happening right now, or is it just your thoughts racing ahead? You’re doing your best. That’s enough. Take a deep breath, ground yourself in gratitude, and remind yourself that life has a way of working itself out. Align your energy with trust instead of fear. Even small daily moments of gratitude or mindfulness help shift your mindset. All is well, even when it feels uncertain. Can you allow yourself to believe that today?

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether

A normal and low-stimulation life was, in my opinion, a boring life. If things got too calm, I had to shake it up a little with a dramatic outburst, drunken display, or some kind of problem.

Dysregulation was was my “normal”, partially because it was what I had experienced growing up, and partially because the media I took in so often told me that was how life was.

I was a walking talking brainwashed media parrot. My humour existed in quotes from movies and mutual likes or dislikes of celebrities I would never knew, yet knew so much about. My conversations heavily relied on other’s media indoctrination to connect….and if that didn’t work, there’s always addictions like smoking and partying to bond on!

I struggled with romantic relationships… “Why can’t I keep a boyfriend? Why do they always leave?” I made myself exactly who I thought they wanted me to be, and yet they usually would just ghost me or left me on read…permanently. To say I “came on strong” is an understatement. I reeked of desperation, yet was completely oblivious to it all.

I was getting abandoned because I had abandoned myself… I was behaving recklessly, feeding addictions and compulsions, and was generally living completely unconsciously.

I never paid attention to the music or media I consumed, or even thought about the correlation between my messy mental space and my media intake.

I lived for TV series…the longer the better… how many seasons can I escape my mind and my life? What characteristics can I take on from characters in the media I was consuming to make myself more attractive, funny, or interesting?

Over time, I grew to learn how this addiction to chaos was not serving me. I wanted to help other people, but who would take advice from someone who doesn’t have their shit together? No one, that’s who… Would you take health advice from someone sitting in a McDonalds wolfing down a Big Mac, extra large coke and fries? Yeah no…I didn’t think so…

I dreamed of becoming an elder that people would look up to, but I came to realize that my behaviour and lack of stability was nothing to look up to, so I realized I had some changes to make. I eventually also became a mom, which made me really examine my behaviour and my general way of being. BPD can be genetic, but it can also be learned. I am not looking to pass this disorder on to anyone else, I am trying to prevent it from spreading, so that's why I'm here! :)

#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Most, if not all, of the medications and diagnoses I received in my pre-teen and early teen years were, in my opinion, considered a misdiagnosis by a doctor who practically handed the prescription pad over with little to no questions asked…I feel they were misdiagnoses because no one *actually* asked me…

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 13. This was after being prescribed accutane at 11 (a heavy duty medication used to treat acne - with life altering side effects like depression and other mental health issues, and gastrointestinal issues - just to name a few - and this was the first of 3 rounds before the age of 16). I was also prescribed water pills at 12 (I was drinking 0 water and lots of sodium heavy processed foods, plus tons of soda… this caused my weight to fluctuate…) This is not acceptable for someone who has to fit into their beauty pageant clothes, so the answer was water pills (???).

The symptoms of bulimia started to appear when I was 11. I remember the first time I made myself throw up…it was after a photo shoot at my home, when I was praised for losing weight so quickly (they had to postpone my photos because I looked too fat at the beginning of the week), and was rewarded with McDonalds for a job well done…

I remember being praised for not eating by some adults in my life. Compliments when I looked thinner, insults, and shame inducing comments when I had put on weight (even if it was just water weight).

I was put on anti-depressants when I was 13, and birth control sometime around this time as well…After all of this, still no one asked me about my diet, what my home life was like, what my experience was like at school, how much movement I was engaging in, if I had been speaking to anyone (therapy)…. Nope, let’s go straight to the pharmacological medicine. :-|

My mom was afraid that if I spoke to someone about what was going on in my home that CPS was going to be involved (at the time she was in a deep depression that left her unable to do little more than work 18-20+ hour days , leaving me to take care of the home and my younger sister most of the time), so it was made clear we do not speak to anyone outside of the home about what is really going on.

At 14, I threatened to end my life and was admitted into the psych ward for a few days while on those anti-depressants. Guess that one wasn’t working... let’s try another. 🙃

Fast forward a few years, I eventually got off the anti depressants and even birth control in my late teens (both were giving me side effects with little to no benefit), but I was also having to deal with anxiety and panic attacks due to all the suppression and living in a dysregulated system for much of my life.

Around my 18th birthday, I started smoking cannabis for the perceived “cool factor” (not joking), which did help with the anxiety, but then it presented a new challenge…without it the anxiety returned… I had become attached to another addiction that I couldn’t go without, so it became my multiple time a day habit.


Into my 20s and even early 30s, I would purposely get so stoned and do questionable or risky things just to test my own ability to “handle things”…I see now in hindsight that I would do it to make life a bit more exciting and to test myself - how calm and relaxed could I stay while my “house was on fire”? 



As someone who is now living sober, knowing exactly who I am and what I came here to do, and having learned how to regulate myself in ways outside of the path of traditional western medicine, I am not afraid to speak my truth. Remission is possible - we all have a story that could shock someone else or even break their heart - and while I honour your experiences, I know that your past doesn’t have to be your present or future.

This is hands down the best mental health advice I received (in somewhat of a tough love form) from my therapist when I was going through a super dark season. I kept waiting to feel better to live. The problem was, it doesn't work that way.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
#PTSD #MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #Anxiety #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #BipolarDisorder #Lupus #Schizophrenia #AutismSpectrumDisorder #AnorexiaNervosa

How much easier would life be if we just focused on what we could control instead of fighting against how life happens to us?
I think it's is a really positive reframe that would really be worth trying!
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #Anxiety #AnorexiaNervosa #ADHD #BipolarDisorder #Addiction #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CeliacDisease #Agoraphobia #AutismSpectrumDisorder #PTSD