Outside Looking In
Autoimmune #sjogrens #Sj ögrens#Depression #PTSD #rheumatoid arthritis#Eczema #multiple surgeries (21)#Orthopedic transplants#adrenal insufficiency#afibillation #osteohypotension #IBS #dumping syndrome#jackhammer esophagus
My whole body is tight and shakibg and shivering.
Woke me up. Can barely type. I need to go take a klonapin & a muscle relaxer.. . and maybe some rescue hydrocortisone b4 this turns into an Adrenal Crisis.
Been awhile since Ive ht ad one.
with only 2-3 years left I am frustrated that my kids don't come to see me. They are in contact and we have always been close. I am completely alone and haven't seen any of them in 7 years. There are 4 of them and all very compassionate and empathetic with everyone else. I am so hurt all the time. Would it be wrong to write to them for after I'm gone? If I say it now they will stop talking to me all together.
Dealing with anxiety is already a difficulty process. But when your anxiety is directly correlated with your medical conditions, it becomes a bigger thing that is harder to treat. I have developed severe since my illnesses have worsened. These "attacks" come on because of the dread of having my symptoms come up. This dread occurs because I go out and try to have a good time and end up sick and leaving. It's a catch-22 that has no end in sight short of curing my chronic illnesses. And as we all know, that is not an easy or sometimes even achievable thing. I tell people I have social anxiety to just summarize because it's so hard to explain. Just the other day, after a month or so with no serious symptoms while being out, I confidently went to the gym (for 20 minutes mind you) and then decided to head over to the grocery store. Silly me, halfway to the store, which was a 10 minute drive, I got hit with overwhelming nausea and stomach pains, the usual symptoms prior to my bp tanking, although there is also suspected adrenal issues there. Anyway, I had to pull over and was nearly in tears over the whole situation, reaching out to my mom to come get me. Not being independent is rough. But what was worse for me was feeling so happy and confident and having that taken away. The next day I skipped the gym and tried to just go to the grocery store to finish what I had hoped to achieve. And the overwhelming washed over me-- what if it happened again? What if I couldn't get home in time? I do not do well being sick in public so that just was too much. I went home. And now I wonder how long before I can try again and what will happen. I haven't been out with friends in so long, I don't even know. i don't have a relationship with anyone because how can I when I am scared to leave my bed. I work full time but that is becoming difficult because when I become symptomatic there, I can't just get up and leave.
Anxiety with chronic illness is just too much. I think many would agree. You become a shell of who you were.
#chronic #ChronicIllness #IBS #IBD #Dysautonomia #adrenal #Anxiety #Depression