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I'm turning 65 next month, and just yesterday they added ASD (Autism) to my permanent medical record.

I've written before about how I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for a few decades, and the therapies and various prescription medicines never helped me. In fact, they nearly killed me.

In my last year on the meds, I got lithium toxicity, and was rushed to a trauma center a hundred miles from home, and spent a week in ICU. That was the autumn of 2021, and I am still recovering now in February 2023.

Yesterday I saw my third psychiatrist in a row who told me I had never been bipoloar, but I am Autistic. This time he put it all on paper, and entered it into my medical records. I guess that means it's official. Or maybe 'I' am official? Nah. I'm still just me.

I never had an inkling that I might be Autistic before sometime last summer, when I read a story in The Mighty by someone who found out accidentally that she was Autistic while she was having one of her children tested and assessed. When she described her life and her challenges, she sounded to me like she was describing my own life.

From that point onward, I started reading everything that I could get my hands on about the Autism Spectrum.

Then there were the internet tests, the books with tests, and finally talking to doctors and to Autistics.

Eventually, I was convinced beyond any reason of a doubt that I myself was, and am Autistic. Thereafter, I brought it up with my psychiatrist, and it took off from there.

That brings me back to yesterday, and the third psychiatrist to agree, and who added it into my medical record.

Now if I can get my General Practitioner to remove the bipolar label from my record there, I will feel like I can finally relax a little.

I don't have a problem with bipolar in itself. I just have a major problem with being misdiagnosed for decades and spending the bulk of my money on therapy and prescriptions that kept me physically exhausted and in a heavy mental fog for decades, and didn't help me in any way. I feel like the majority of my life was wasted.

So to have the label removed from my records is removing a constant painful reminder of all the life that I missed in my youth and middle age.

I am going to spend the rest of my years as a happy, grateful Autistic old dude. Peace be with you all.

#Autistic #actuallyautistic #audhd #ADHD #Autism #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismAcceptance #Stimming #Dysgraphia #dyscalcula #pathologicaldemandavoidance #PDA #AutisticInertia #AutisticBurnout
#EFD #ExecutiveFunctionDisorder #executivedysfunction #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria #RSD
#ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #rad #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MDD #Dysthymia #Specialinterest
#Hyperfocus #hypervigilant #SensoryOverstimulation #SensoryIssues #SensoryPain


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Being mostly bedbound in Autumn #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatigue #ME #Fibromyalgia #AutisticBurnout

It really sucks being mostly bedbound during my favourite season (fall). Looking forward to this season is what got me through the summer, with its intolerable heat and sun, the constant sweating, all of it. But now I can’t leave my house except for appointments, and I’m too ill in those moments to really enjoy much of anything. I do take photos though, every time I go for an appointment I take photos of all the interesting or beautiful things I see on the drive. I’ve now got lots of pictures of beautiful foliage, and it makes me happy to look at them.

We do have a view of some nice foliage from our apartment, but I can’t see any of it when I’m in bed (which is most of the time), just rooftops. It’s sad and disappointing , but I’m really trying not to dwell on what I can’t do. Instead I’m focusing on way I can enjoy fall right here.

I’ve been watching cozy fall movies and spooky shows, drinking apple cider, wearing soft sweaters when my temperature allows it, doing fall and Halloween related lists and things in my bullet journal (I keep my markers and journals by the bed), and looking at images online of cozy fall things.

It’s not much but so far it’s doing the trick.

Does anyone have other ideas of how we can enjoy the season from our beds or couches?

#bedbound #housebound #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #DistractMe

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Breathing, just by itself, is progress some days. #PTSD

I didn’t have the spoons for everything yesterday, but what I COULD do was organize the list of numbers I had to call with any details that I could find. And today? I feel up to doing those calls after work.

Don’t let yourself beat yourself up. Your pace is the RIGHT pace for YOU.

#CPTSD #Anxiety #Depression #ADHD #Autism #AutisticBurnout #burnoutrecovery


#Autistic help me get people to honour my boundaries

I've been diagnosed with #ChronicDepression and #Anxiety for so long, I've tried to put boundaries in place, tried to honour my needs like alone time and rest days and not doing things that makes me uncomfortable
But it's really hard because my family refuse to respect what I say, or even my diagnosis or just me
Recently I've been diagnosed with #Autism
And I know it's more important than ever to reflect and focus on my boundaries and needs
I cannot do what I used to do hears ago
I need a lot more rest
And I've realised, I will no longer do what causes me harm
#AutisticBurnout is no joke
And if I'm going to survive I need my family to help me honour my needs
So when I say I can't do something, they need to respect it

At the moment they do not, and it's causing me a lot of pain
How do fellow autistics cope
How do they get family to #Respect their needs!!!


After meltdowns - Upon the lows ... #metalhealth #Autism #Stimming #AutisticBurnout

After A Autistic meltdown, it’s very hard to get back to the world.
My senses aren’t working probably, my breathing freaks me out. My thoughts are to loud in my head. My body wont cooperate with me bump into things and drop glasses. I am very tired. I think this meltdown after match will last few days. The constant drumming moving my legs, my whole body to wake me up in my body few seconds then the sensory go everywhere again.
I want to be control off my own body again! #AutisticAdults #AutisticBurnout
Just wish they could go after the meltdown but the after low is upon me x
#MentalHealth #Autism #Stimming

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Redefining "life"

I will forever cherish this spot, the porch where I have sat for months examining and restructuring life. I am living in my partner's aunt's house after a cyclical bout with autistic burnout, and while I do wish for more autonomy at this point in my adult life, I must remind myself to look at what I do have: A loving partner, a roof over my head, affordable rent, and a porch where I can sit for hours, thinking, stimming, and daydreaming about how I can restructure life to better suit my Spirit. I am thankful for this time and this place. #Autism #Autism #Mindfulness #Burnout #AutisticBurnout


#ThisIsMyStory #AutisticBurnout

I was professionally validated as autistic at age 31. I spent most of my life camouflaging myself among my peers and wearing a neurotypical mask. I never felt entirely comfortable in myself, and always felt like I was "going through the motions". Discovering that Asperger Syndrome could be the explanation behind everything, I started to be kinder to myself and #takethemaskoff , but others didn't seem to understand, so I'd end up masking more... which led to more cognitive exhaustion, which led to the Autistic Burnout. Being tired all the time when you never used to be, being averse to participating in activities you once enjoyed, being much more sensory sensitive and less tolerant of overload... Some mistake it for depression or anxiety, but it can't be "fixed" with medication or counselling. It's a slow road to recovery, but by recognising your limits and not punishing yourself when you need to prioritise self-care, it will help you bit by bit.

#actuallyautistic #autismspectrumcondition #ThisIsMyStory

(I'm only using #Autism to link this entry, but we are not "disordered", we are #neurodiverse .)