Bedrest

I was a fitness freak and had an athletic build 13 years ago. But due to back injury I had to avoid strength training. I have been on antidepressants for the last 17 years. In 2015 I got married. We didn't have baby until 2020. But recently the pain in my joints have become constant and more acute. Earlier one painkiller or 2 day's #Bedrest could ward off the pain for months. But now neither is working. Rehab exercises cripples me. Doctor says I don't have major internal problems other than the #Creatinine level above higher side.
I am 36 and it pains me a lot when I see my newly arrived 5 months old miracle baby smiles at me. Holding her taxes my body. I and my wife, who is also suffering wrist pain, are alone and we haven't got help. If I attempt to give some helping hand to my wife, a vicious cycle of pain and helplessness begins. I am also facing financial crisis. I am afraid that either my life is going to be a short one or I am heading towards disability very fast, which I never expected some months ago. I needed to vent this out.

I was a fitness freak and had an athletic build 13 years ago. But due to back injury I had to avoid strength training. I have been on antidepressants for the last 17 years. In 2015 I got married. We didn't have baby until 2020. But recently the pain in my joints have become constant and more acute. Earlier one painkiller or 2 day's #Bedrest could ward off the pain for months. But now neither is working. Rehab exercises cripples me. Doctor says I don't have major internal problems other than the #Creatinine level above higher side.
I am 36 and it pains me a lot when I see my newly arrived 5 months old miracle baby smiles at me. Holding her taxes my body. I and my wife, who is also suffering wrist pain, are alone and we haven't got help. If I attempt to give some helping hand to my wife, a vicious cycle of pain and helplessness begins. I am also facing financial crisis. I am afraid that either my life is going to be a short one or I am heading towards disability very fast, which I never expected some months ago. I needed to vent this out.

Having a low day today, I’m upset about something, but my mind can’t figure out why. It could be because I’m exhausted. Haven’t slept well in days, weeks even. It could be because my operation failed within 3 days, so my recovery feels like it’s for nothing. It could be because I’m sick of having this endless flare up. The one that every coping method I have, isn’t working at all. It could be everything combined.

I want to be the one most people see. The positive, smiley one. The one that doesn’t show the agony she’s in, and never complains. The one that’s positive all the time, and helps others before herself, no matter what she faces. But the truth is, when I’m not at work, college or with friends, I’m a moody bitch. I’m in bed, in tears, trying to hide them from the rest of the family because I want no sympathy. The one that’s angry, mad, annoyed, fearful of what’s to come next. I’m not always happy. That’s the truth.

#Osteoarthritis #CerebralPalsy #Hemiplegia #ChronicPain #DDH #Upset #sad #SleepDeprivation #Operation #ChronicIllness #Recovery #Bedrest #FeelingAlone #Feelingoverwhelmed #feelingscared #Arthritis