I woke up angry again,
I woke up not knowing why
I went to bed calm.. And woke up angry again
I was relaxing and then I got frustrated which turned to rage.
This is no ordinary anger. This is blood boiling, can't think, miserable, makes my muscles twitch, say things I don't mean and brings out the worst evil in me anger.
I woke up angry again, and maybe it took an hour to get out of bed...
But hey I GOT OUT OF BED!
So I take my meds, take my shower, *oh no* the water pressures low and for some reason getting cold. Well, I'm angry again. Blood boiling hitting the tile, punching my thigh, screaming into my towel, hurting my hand mad.
I woke up scared today and confused. I have energy, I'm talkative, getting shit done, cleaning, making my phone calls, making plans I won't keep, spending money..
Oh I guess i'm manic today. Yay.
I wake up every morning not knowing what is going to come out of me, what my mood will be, how many mood swings will I have today, and importantly will I have another panic attack today?
I wake up, *shit I have work*, I'm angry again, I'm overwhelmed, I'm shaking, I can't concentrate.... Shit I have work today.
*should I call off?whats my excuse going to be?*
Living daily life with bipolar depression can feel like living hell. I'm tired. These frequent mood swings exhaust me. I struggle to work part time. I isolate from friends and family. I feel ashamed I have almost no control over my own self. Which of course nobody in my life understands that.. And trying to explain the thoughts and feelings inside your self that you don't even fully understand is an impossible task just a pointless waste of energy.
Before bed I prayed that someday soon this becomes easier.
I woke up angry again today...
Because I'm still alive
*oh no* I woke up soo depressed today... I can't move... I'm tired.... I can't talk... I can't think... I'm crying... I want to be alone and never move again.
I woke up upset today
Even though I begged God to put me out of my misery..
I woke up angry again,
I wake up angry because I have to face another day with my mental health being the worst it's ever been. Not wanting to be alive yet forced to take care of others and work and be "normal" even tho inside I'm losing it and giving up.
Anyone else just wake up angry for no reason?
Yes I take my meds
No they don't help
I have mixed episodes every single day for a couple months now and I'm at the breaking point.