Cake

So whenever I feel like someone needs help and I can change that, I go all in; i get fired, expelled or fail because I stop going to class, all the emotional negativity starts to eat away at my sanity, I just let someone else’s problems or pain be the flag of my self destructive impulses. And I self destruct in a extraordinary fashion. I blame no one but myself of course. Thing is, when if possible this person problem can be solved, I can help and their life is better, mine is(for lack of a better term) fucked. I can’t ask for help,
no one would help a person who fucks his own life “just cause”. “Just cause” what? Cus’ I’m utterly insane? Well, yes, it’s funny, I am. Did I have to destroy my life? No.
Is it destroyed? Yeah...Did I mean to? Let me think...NO! I just didn’t realize(or care) if I was letting everything else was going to hell while fixing my friend’s life. Sorry.
“That’s just an excuse not to get your shit together. Be an adult.”
How is it an excuse to not get my shit together if what I’m asking for is help to figure out what shit burned to ash or broke apart and need to be fixed or replaced, reparation that will be done by me, but could not stop from their demise since it’s destruction occurred happened during my absence?
STOP JUDGING ME AND JUST SAY “YES” OR “NO”, “I won’t help you”.
For crying out loud I don’t need personifications of guilt or the ghosts of Sigmund Freud, I need friends, a girlfriend. I know I go off on these weird crusades for the greater good once a month, but I still love my gf, she knows it, she even knows how I am, leave me if this is hurting you please, otherwise, please, at least talk to me or even better help me figure things out again.
Friends, sure....busy.
But my gf, hit me, hard.
Why can’t the person who refuses to say “enough” of your martyr bullshit, get real, and says things like I’ll always be there for you no matter how bad(to which I say, are you sure about that?);how is she not even concerned if I am alive.
I didn’t go cheating or gambling, I went and did what I felt was the right thing, and still do. But I’m exhausted.
Now I need a hand.
Where is it?
...oh right, narcissistic psychopath (gluten free, sugar free, organic, vegan safe)
We don’t get sympathy, we get “over it your self-pity”.
My friends, I got this to say: Fuck me. what the hell did I expect?
Love?! Don’t be ridiculous, we monsters, emotional vampires don’t deserve that stuff.
I don’t want a reward, I want my girlfriend to let me hug her after seeing and hearing so much evil and horrible shit. I just want to know, I’m not alone, that she’s got my back too.
How selfish, right?
#Support #Advice #ALoadedGun ? #Cake #AnythingwouldhelpatThispoint