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Borderline + Chronic Feelings of Emptiness

Chronic emptiness is experienced as a sense of nothingness and numbness that reflects a feeling of disconnection from both self and others. #BPD #ChronicEmptiness

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Early Morning Heavy

I felt a heaviness inside me this morning that I hadn’t felt in a while. Living at this moment hurts. A lot. All I want is a hug and for someone to say that all would be ok in the end. My calculated way of living has been thrown off kilter, I feel chronically empty and sad. I try to get help in what I see as the “traditional way”, like opening up and talking about my feelings, but sometimes it’s really hard. I even feel worse after opening up most times. (That’s when I do so verbally.) In the last few days, I’ve come to realize that in a very silent way, I am not important enough to be kept in the know for certain important situations. I want to withdraw from the world completely, but I know that that’s not reasonable. In these painful moments, I tend to lean towards wanting to create something out of my pain to distract myself. I want to believe the good that others see in me, but everything seems blurred beyond recognition. In these continual shifts in my life, I feel like I’m drowning. #MentalHealth #Drowning #Heaviness #Thoughtspiral #Hurtsinside #FeelingEmpty #Emptiness #ChronicEmptiness #Sadness


Some of my worst times during the day start with a sudden snap.
In a moment I'm doing something, being productive. The next moment it seems that I wake up from a dream. I realize that reality is a dream and that nothing I do makes sense, nothing else has purpose.
I despair because only I seem to be awake.
I am alone in a vacuum. No company, no identity, no purpose.

Something always pulls me back, and then I'm back in the world. #Dissociation #ChronicEmptiness #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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"Self Indulgent B@llsh!t Mode" aka My Birthday...

Hey. It's near 4am here, the official start to my "sh!tty once yearly" starts here. yay. (PS. Not including companion animals in this somewhat miserable tally...) If you haven't guessed yet, I
! Now, lots of hashtags... #BPD #personalitydisorder #Depression #TreatmentresistantDepression #DeQuervainsTenosynovitis #GeneralAnxietyDisorder #raynauds #HidradenitisSuppurativa #Fibromyalgia #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatigue #ChronicPain #ChronicEmptiness #sad #tired #ignoreme #selfpityhouritseems *sigh*