Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

So I’ve never really had a lot of friends I was in foster care I moved around a lot and my family situation was not ideal. So doing this is a little nerve wracking but I’ve learned to not let my anxiety control me. I have panic disorder and I have cptsd. Some days are easier than others and every day I question if I’ll be the person I desperately want to be. When you have people in your life that are supposed to love and cherish you, and they do the opposite. It made my systems hyper aware every little thing every slight change in inflection. Maybe a thought you didn’t even want to voice I honestly feel like I’ve felt it and I know what your feeling before you know it. Call me cocky. Idk man but it makes it hard and idk what to think about this but I’m trying. My birthday was on Tuesday and none of my family messaged me happy birthday. Not like I really expected it. Idek if I wanted it. Idek what I want from this maybe to know it’s alright and I’m normal? But I really don’t feel like it.
What does normal look like? And what is TRUE happiness? Is it constant? Do you think it’s necessary for medication if you feel down a lot of the time? How do you get a feeling you crave if you don’t know what to look for? #Thoughts #firstpost #Anxiety #Depression #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

I have been approached, threatened, ridiculed,gaslit, antagonized,rage baited, mocked, set up to emotionally react, to trigger, to break,by a set of older women that cross three counties and I am now seeking counsel and reporting it, to be documented and for them to be told to back off. To erase my reality, to set me u, accuse me of breaking in, accuse me of stealing, accuse me of abuse.to insinuate I hurt or threatened anyone in anyway, is emotional https://abuse.You threatened to ruin me for not staying to be your https://nurse.After you and him, used my only person https://left.I will leave but when I'm ready and get what is https://mine.When I get the money I gave https://him.Looking at numbers is one thing but what was done to me, was gross, it,is was neglect, coercion, abandoning me, financial abuse and I'm positive against the law, at this https://point.Charactor assassination is real, control is keeping me in the dark and isolation is not a choice when you're being approached everywhere anytime he has a activity or you want to grow.

I have been approached, threatened, ridiculed,gaslit, antagonized,rage baited, mocked, set up to emotionally react, to trigger, to break,by a set of older women that cross three counties and I am now seeking counsel and reporting it, to be documented and for them to be told to back off. To erase my reality, to set me u, accuse me of breaking in, accuse me of stealing, accuse me of abuse.to insinuate I hurt or threatened anyone in anyway, is emotional https://abuse.You threatened to ruin me for not staying to be your https://nurse.After you and him, used my only person https://left.I will leave but when I'm ready and get what is https://mine.When I get the money I gave https://him.Looking at numbers is one thing but what was done to me, was gross, it,is was neglect, coercion, abandoning me, financial abuse and I'm positive against the law, at this https://point.Charactor assassination is real, control is keeping me in the dark and isolation is not a choice when you're being approached everywhere anytime he has a activity or you want to grow.

What if the only safe bond is in therapeutic context? What if in so-called friendships, shame pops up, whenever I open my soul?

What if the only safe bond is in therapeutic context? What if in so-called friendships, shame pops up, whenever I open my soul?