Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

I was on a walk and used both earbuds. Since I had #PTSD from trauma I only used one earbuds when listening to music fear of someone running up behind me. I let my guard down which was scary but I’m ok

My depression was so mild after my intense hypomania now it’s elevated again. I was so happy walking into Starbucks today and I was flirting with the man who waited on me. I had a risky thought walking around today.

I wrote this poem carrying heavy grief in my heart and soul. Grief last a lifetime and in my deep sorrow, I write, I don't hide it away in the darkness, I shine light on it because it needs to be seen. I see your sorrow, too ❤️

-Eternal-

The eyes of heaven gaze down on wee
Beneath the starry sky
The whispers of the willow echos thy name
My heart releases a cry
I remember, I remember, I remember the love
Stained glass memory
Angel choir sings thereof
Painted images of past
Hast buried my mind unfree
Though dare not I paint over
But all is what connects mine to thee

#Grief #Bipolar1 #BipolarDepression #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Depression #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #Caregiving

I misunderstood hope as a monster, mistook its whispers for a hiss. I abhorred it, even though it was all I had. Resented it because it was all I had.

Villainy was never its purpose, and hope was never my enemy. Hope had been the only thing keeping me afloat, awake, and alive.

Hope absorbed our agony and churned it into fuel. It always knew another way and pushed us onward when nothing else was left.

Echoes of an unfailing inner faith; hope looks beyond the emptiness and says full. Hope cries and says more. Hope falls and says again, again, again.

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #TraumaRecovery

(p.s. - this is an excerpt; original piece is written as an acrostic and can be found in its entirety on our personal website)

I just came off of a 5 day hypomania episode. I had lots of delusional thoughts about jobs. I told my group chat that I wanted to be a criminal lawyer, defense attorney, state attorney and a federal prosecutor and I was going work each job 7 days a week and take the highest pay they got from them. Everyone kept telling me that’s impossible to do that and u need a college degree. I didn’t believe them at all. I was talking to my therapist and took there side. I told him I found a lab that will make a cure for my mental illness. I flirted with my therapist and said I find saxophone very sexy and it puts me in the mood then I asked him what puts u in the mood. He said we are not talking about me we are talking about you. I don’t remember anything after that. I texted him did I cross a boundary or was I inappropriate with you and he said you did not do anything inappropriate or cross a boundary.

I had therapy at 8:30 AM this morning, its now 6:43 PM. Ive barely gotten anything done today and ive been irritated.

We talked about my high school years and as i was answering my therapists questions, she didnt seem to believe me with certain things i said like i was exaggerating or tried to explain away certain peoples behaviors seemingly in defense of them. She is a new therapist as ive only had 2 sessions with her in the past 2 weeks.

After both sessions i felt angry, invalidated and nothing solved or left to ruminate about which doesnt seem like a good start. By the way the main reason im seeing this therapist is because of my anger issues.

Usually i use therapy to vent my thoughts, frustrations and worries but i didnt get that today so im doing it here.
I hope no one else has to deal with this and gets help for their problems instead of hindrances.

God bless you all! #PTSD #CPTSD

I had therapy at 8:30 AM this morning, its now 6:43 PM. Ive barely gotten anything done today and ive been irritated.

We talked about my high school years and as i was answering my therapists questions, she didnt seem to believe me with certain things i said like i was exaggerating or tried to explain away certain peoples behaviors seemingly in defense of them. She is a new therapist as ive only had 2 sessions with her in the past 2 weeks.

After both sessions i felt angry, invalidated and nothing solved or left to ruminate about which doesnt seem like a good start. By the way the main reason im seeing this therapist is because of my anger issues.

Usually i use therapy to vent my thoughts, frustrations and worries but i didnt get that today so im doing it here.
I hope no one else has to deal with this and gets help for their problems instead of hindrances.

God bless you all! #PTSD #CPTSD

Today’s Challenge: Find one quiet way to show up for someone who’s hurting. No spotlight, just heart. #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #CPTSD #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

Today’s Challenge: Find one quiet way to show up for someone who’s hurting. No spotlight, just heart. #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #CPTSD #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder