depressed

I was so hopeful when I first joined and poof that hopefulness has disappeared. It just the same old feeling of loneliness but in a much bigger group.
What do you do when you’re unable to make a connection because of feeling too old, too uninteresting and too self-centred. Joining has not helped, it has increased feeling of unworthiness and that feeling of being invisible
I don’t know what I expected when I came here but it wasn’t this. I don’t know what to do and I certainly don’t want pity, I have more than enough of my own.
It’s all too sad. I’m letting you know and I don’t really now why. There is no real connection so I can just go silently.

TW: SH

I fucking relapsed… 4 years went down the fucking drain… went and texted the first person I could trust and she was upset with me… I tried, I really did… I tried distracting myself, but nothing worked for long…I just kept crying and kept repeating “I’m sorry”, not sure who I was apologizing to 😞

I really did try! I’ve had very strong urges and stuff while my fiancé has been gone (he’s currently in AIT portion of OSUT, has 5 weeks left). And I like being honest with him, we’re gonna be getting married when we bring him home, and I’m happy about that. It doesn’t help that I could possibly have Borderline Personality Disorder or some PD with dependent traits (or possibly both)…

#MentalHealth #Selfharm #Depression #lonely #depressed

Last night I met up with his old group of friends, 2/4 were his closest and I’ve only known 1 of them for quite a long time now… since he passed on, that one friend has been pushing me away and telling everyone not to let me around to chill… I’m hurt, very hurt but it is what it is. I hope they realize that how they are treating me is not what my partner would have wanted, he would have wanted them to treat me differently and watch over me as good as he did… he literally called them his brothers💔 I mean I can’t be too upset about this because it probably hurts them just as much to be around me without him, to see me looking lost and alone… but at least be putting some kind of effort or something you know? They don’t bother to message me or anything, they laugh and don’t even care to talk with me or talk about good ole memories. I know it hurts but damn we need to have those conversations with each other about him, we all need a little bit more of comfort and love that my partner always brought upon everyone.
#alone #lost #depressed #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PTSD #Trauma #Suicide #lonely #Grief #healingjourney

Lately my roommates have moods that make my husband and I feel emotionally stressed or drained.. We try our best to do as asked to help around the household. But we feel more like butlers or maid doing there easy arrons (sorry cant spell) when I clean I cant do much cause there stuff everywhere(meaning cant organize) and my husband tired of doing all there groceries shopping when he comes home or on weekends; he works M-F as nigh security an cant fully relax.

My husband and I have disabilities. We share a house with roomies. I cant work do to my disability tbi.

We cant move out do to bills and food we share shop with. I have TBI and my husband has mild Austium. He works and I stay home with roomies pets. Kinda like a house wife when they work or go to school.

I wish to find a way to help out- but we feel stressed out - #Stress #Anxiety #austium #TBI #depressed

I`m not a victim...I have done messed up things in life as the next person so this isn`t that kind of post... I don`t know if my #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder makes me hyper aware of human nature, (even my own) ...but all I know is I`m extremely sensitive to little things...like the things people don`t say or the way they say things ...like the tone of it.

I`m even hyper aware of my own self, so most of the time, I will apologize a lot just in case my tone was off or I often find myself over-explaining myself so people won't take what I said the wrong way.

The other major thing is I feel like people are not extraordinarily considerate of others. Even in society, where calling people broke, making fun of people who don't have an iPhone or just silly stuff like that gets me really hurt, sad and mad...and everyday that I walk out the door and see "normal" people having regular conversations, etc ...I just feel like I don`t and never will fit.

I`ve been eating my feelings and stuffing my face with sweets and salty foods that aren`t healthy for me because I think I am #depressed deep down but who knows? I feel like an alien on this planet.

It would be nice to have a friend or two who understands. 😿

#depressed #Alcohol #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety

° " So After Work My Main Female Boss Asked Me... If I Would Work 2 Night Shift's... Um OK Whatever.. I Said Yes... And Then All I Asked Was If I Was Going To Get Paid Alittle More... For Working The Night Shift... And She Gave Me Additdude... She Told Me That She Wasn't Going To Pay Me.. More For 2 Day's Of Working Night's... So That Really Answered My Real Question.. About A Pay Raise After All The B.S. I Do At This Place.. People And Companie's Are Definitely Greedy... So Still It's Going To Happen Everywhere Else... Then Why Ask Me For Help If You Don't See Any Value In Me Or My Work Ethic At All.." #depressed Sincerely, •S.K.•