Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

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Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
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    I suck at it !!

    I have come to the conclusion...revelation rather, that I suck at living, I just can’t get it right. I’m always scared at being happy because the happier I am the harder I fall ... and boy do I fall hard ... I fall so hard that I want to crawl out of myself...”escape” myself and hover over my body and get the relief that it’s over- thank God! I get anxiety and sometimes a bit terrified when I realize I’m laughing out loud or happy... so I go back to my shell hoping the happiness police didn’t see me 😔... I don’t think I’ve ever gotten it right, I just suck at living, some people suck at painting or being Presidents, and the one thing I’m certain I suck at is living/being alive... I’m anxious every day and take deep breaths like I’m not getting enough oxygen or as if they’ll be a shortage soon and the more I inhale I get a feeling that I’m inhaling the one thing I suck at -live...I’m sad, I really am... I’m also tired, I feel like I can’t do anything right, I’m so tired, I’m emotionally exhausted, I can’t hide in this shell forever because live requires me to live, it demands it continuously... the irony 😂 ... it’s like life is just mocking me while it watches me curl into a ball and the waterfall begins... #Anxiety #sad #Life #TheSecretLifeOfTheManicDepressive #DepressionAndBipolarSupportAlliance

    8 comments
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    #triggeredchildhoodsexualabuse

    #DepressionAndBipolarSupportAlliance

    I just found out that my nephew is going to name his baby after my abusive father. I am triggered immensely. I discontinued my relationship with my dad five years ago. My family has never supported me. Over the years no one believed me and always just dismissed my pain and depression . My father was good at buying people’s love and keeping the family secrets very secret. It took a lot of strength for me to end the relationship with my father as I stood alone in my decision. Well, my loving husband supported me which has been a gift to me after all I have had to endure from my family. I am so sad that this new baby coming into this world will be named after such an incredibly abusive man. And it will be celebrated. What do I do? How can I not be so triggered by this? I am so sad...

    5 comments
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    I feel a lot of shame. I had a melt down last night in front of my family and son. I made a therapy appt. But I scared everyone 😔 feeling hopeless.

    #DepressionAndBipolarSupportAlliance

    16 comments
    Post

    How To Self Help For Your Depression

    How to take charge of the process of recovering from the personal, social, and illness aspects of your depression.

    Have faith in your recovery and look forward to the rewarding life that follows after recovery! You got this!

    growthpaths.net/how-to-self-help-for-depression

    #DepressionSymptoms #DepressionNaps #DepressionAwarenessWeek #DepressionAndBipolarSupportAlliance #DepressionAndMentalHealth #Selflove

    Post

    Bipolar "Poetic Lament" #MightyPoets #CheckInWithMe #DepressionAndBipolarSupportAlliance

    i had two job interviews today. both went ok until i discussed scheduling. i tried to get a later shift or flextime. I'm not a morning person bc of meds and my kids dont get on the bus until 8:30. one of them even started to lean towards the "overqualified" line. i also went cold calling in person for jobs. nothing really came of it but people felt my situation being unemployed with 5 kids and my wife not making enough. i probably overshared, but they want my resume to try and "help"

    then around 5pm i broke down crying while driving. i desperately wish i could get my old job back. I didnt understand how bad the paranoia was getting. i was convinced i was being set up. my intentions were misconstrued and deemed irreparable.

    i cried so hard it hurt. i wish i listened to my wife and doctor. i thought i had it under control. i thought i was special. how wrong i was. i am just like everyone else. i want to call my employer and beg for my job back. i want to make amends and try to explain. but that wouldn't be received well and could make things worse.

    i really don't know how to let it all go and move forward. i cant seem to forgive myself. i don't have any closure. i am deeply ashamed and regret what i did during what i can only describe as what must have been what my manic moment was. idk what else to
    classify it as. i must have been manic. i thought i had it under control. i thought i was only hypomanic and didnt think i was in danger of losing my job. i thought management would thank me for bringing the issue to light. instead, i was condemned to darkness with a lead parachute to ease the descent.

    i want to make amends. i miss my friends. i miss who i thought i was or was to become. now im going door to door to literally sell myself to make ends meet for my family. this wasnt supposed to happen to ME! I was going to be different than my parents. i wasnt going to ever be "manic" i thought i had it under control...😔

    1 comment
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    I’m Frustrated #DepressionAndBipolarSupportAlliance

    I’m new here but I am far from new to coping with my mental illness and by coping I mean escaping. I’m just trying to keep my head afloat and stay clear minded long enough to find some kind of help that’s not just trading symptoms for side effects. Having had this attitude that I can do it along for so long is not working any more while I have two small children to be level headed for. I just don’t know if I need a therapist or a psychiatrist

    Post

    Can someone tell me how the counter hair loss while taking antidepressants?

    I have natural African American curly hair and one of my tools in my survival kit is to do my hair, it is extremely relaxing for me and distracting at the same time. I recently read about antidepressants causing hair fall/shed and I thought is was happening to me for many other reasons. The article I read about, the author had the luxury of discontinuing the medication, I on the other hand do not. Any advice is welcomed and needed. Doing my hair has at times saved me and it’s important to have something about me that represents good health. Thanks for this space. #MedicatedAndMighty #DepressionAndBipolarSupportAlliance #MajorDepressiveDisorder #AnxietyMedication #PsychiatricMedication

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    😔

    I'm feeling upset about my weight, but that only makes me more depressed to think about it. I don't even know if I'm on the right medication. I was diagnosed bipolar, but I'm not sure. I'm so sick of the guessing game and feel like it would be easier to end it all #SuicidalThoughts #DepressionAndBipolarSupportAlliance

    2 comments
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    It’s getting bad

    I’ve been in the longest depression of my life, and it seems like it’s never gonna stop
    I have stable moments here and there, but I’ve been miserable and exhausted for months.
    My thoughts are getting really dark.
    I just want to feel better
    I’m so tired
    #Bipolar2 #DepressionAndBipolarSupportAlliance #SuicidalThoughts

    2 comments
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    So Far Away


    #CheckInWithMe I have 2 weeks until I graduate from college. 2 little weeks. But with each day I can feel myself slipping a little more. I just want to walk out and never come back. Yesterday I had a migraine so I just slept for 24 hours and then even after that I woke up today wanting to sleep another 24. I am exhausted and i want to quit. #DepressionAndBipolarSupportAlliance

    1 comment