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    Survivor #DepressionRecovery

    I'm thinking about somehow getting a tattoo like this on my right wrist but my right arm is not that mobile because of my brain injury. What do you think? #tattooidea #Scars #Depression

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    In the Dark (a #Poem about #Depression )

    Hi everyone, I wanted to share a piece I had written a few months ago about my struggle with #Depression .

    Searching in the dark
    Hungry, aching, hoping, wondering
    Will I ever see the sun again?
    WIll I ever know the wonder and joy I once had again?
    Or is it the dark?
    Am I trapped here,
    Alone, fragile, breaking, my heart aching
    Thirsting for the truth to set me free
    And wondering what I did wrong
    Did I mess up again?
    Is this my fault?
    Why do I feel so alone?
    Why do I feel so...alone?
    Soon the dark gets so deep, so beyond description
    That I am left with no sadness, no hurt.
    Nothing. I am nothing and there is nothing in me.
    Empty, numb, hollow.
    My mask slips when I smile;
    How can I even smile, anyways?
    Why bother?
    The world is full of empty smiles,
    Empty promises of hopes dashed to the rocks.
    And when my mask starts to slip
    I see the cracks in the smiles around me.
    That “how are you”/”oh, I’m fine” exchange
    It’s all a lie
    No one is fine
    Not many of us anyways
    Why do we all lie and isolate ourselves?
    Why do we make ourselves feel more alone
    When the loneliness is all too consuming?
    Instead, I am alone, and you are alone.
    Empty vessels passing each other in the night,
    Hurting, hoping, but silent
    What am I afraid of?
    It keeps me silent.
    Is it the stigma?
    The sheer exhaustion of fighting?
    Is it the questions I’ll be asked if I tell the truth?
    Regardless, it steals my voice again
    Sending me to sleep with a heavy heart

    God, do you hear me?
    Do my prayers reach your ears, or simply echo against the walls?
    I don’t want to be alone.
    I never wanted to be alone.
    Sick, aching heart
    Tears flowing until they flow no more.
    I don’t want to be alone.
    Jesus, I don’t want to be alone.

    You are not alone, you remind me gently.
    Dear one, you have never been alone.
    Come rest in my arms
    And the darkness will flee.

    I run to you, Jesus, full-forced,
    Like a frail child, unashamed of how weak I am
    Not hiding behind that broken mask
    Not lying to myself
    Not shoving down my pain any longer
    I run into your arms, Jesus
    And I never let go.

    #DepressiveDisorders #DepressionRecovery #WritingThroughIt

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    From my Garden #DepressionRecovery

    I find that gardening helps me when I fell depressed

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    Grateful for today #DepressionRecovery

    Went for a swim, my favorite thing to do in the summer. Makes me happy or at least peaceful.


    2017-2019 #Depression

    There was a time in my life that I didn't exist. I didn't belong anywhere, but I held on to every person I knew. I don't remember their faces or their names, nor how my parents cried for my life.

    I did anything to harm myself, I guess it was a way of feeling like I was stepping on the ground, although that made me fly much more. I challenged death, fed on the fear it brought me, there was nothing left in me.

    The people I hung out with were the worst of that time, and not because of them, but because I chose them to be by my side.

    Remembering is my favorite hobby.

    I gave everything until I was empty, I was on the streets at dawn with people I don't remember, with pills taken, with my parents looking for me. I didn't exist, it wasn't me, it was never me, I'm not ready to accept it. But I know who I am now and I know I don't want to die.

    #Depression #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Inspiration #DepressionRecovery #MentalHealth #Mentalillnessfeelslike


    Arm Art

    Today was a real struggle, but turns out when I'm super overwhelmed and can't do anything about it, or feel like a disaster, drawing on myself really helps release a lot of anxiety and pent up feelings. I covered my whole arm today, and made no physical injuries! Not to mention some great things happened today too, like giving out Christmas gifts or receiving some very encouraging and helpful feedback. Today was better! #DepressionRecovery #Depression #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Anxiety #Selfharm