I lost my daughter baby in 98 it’s like my mind went to sleep I don’t rember the things I did or said n now I’m waking up 23 yrs later still felling 17 and I have a 13 yr old it’s like my mind pressed pause but the world didn’t I can relate to a lot of actions from dpd to did to bortndlie personally disorder to ect but not all of each one just a few from each one I’m just trying to understand
5 reactions Since I became sick, I feel like nothing is real, like it's all a weird dream. Everything's changed, and I know I am subconsciously doing it for my mental health (it was too much to handle at once so I just went numb). What do you do to help stay grounded in reality? #disassociate
I haven’t felt like me these past few days- and maybe I don’t really know me. But I do know that I feel as though I’m forcing things to stick instead of allowing the pieces to fall where they may. You can spend seconds, hours, days rearranging and picking of the pieces of the puzzle… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the hell on.
I feel like I’ve lost so much control that I’ve also lost myself in trying to gain it back. I’ve exercised control in all things- only to hurt more people and end up hurting myself more.
I don’t want to be this person who is manipulative and abusive. I don’t want to be this person who needs to be right and needs to have everything lined up.
I don’t necessarily know where this need for control comes from? Maybe my abandonment issues- and then my partner setting strict boundaries that feels like my security has been swept out from under me.
But that’s my problem. Not his. I don’t want to be this little girl- 14 again- stuck and waiting for my dad to come home because he’s never going to come back home.
I also don’t want to be this hyper-independent 25 year old who bill-dozes everyone in her path because she’s hurting too.
So where is my balance? I’ve ended up so lost I don’t even recognize myself and I’ve disassociated to the point that I don’t recognize my own reflection or picture.
So who have I become? Who am I? I guess it’s time to reinvent myself. #Bipolar1Disorder #Bipolar1 #Bipolar #disassociate
so I've been thinking about this for a few months but haven't said anything because...idk I couldn't tell if I was overreacting or if this is legitimately what's happening. but I'm kind of wondering if my 'memory loss' from trauma isn't memory loss.
I kind of think...I'm a different person sometimes. and during those times is what I don't remember (sometimes). sometimes it feels like there's just me in my head but sometimes there feels like there's 2 of me. and idk if that other 'me' is just anxiety or whatever or like...another personality.
I also have disassociated for years, since I was a preteen, and now I'm wondering if I'm actually switching personalities now? because it doesn't feel like it used to anymore. now it's like, I'm present, I'm just...different. Not blank, either, I literally feel like a different personality. I'm bubbly and outgoing and loud and use stupid slang words and make friends and just generally act like a teenager. (Meanwhile, my usual self is quiet, introverted, etc.)
And when I used to disassociate (and sometimes still do) I don't remember it at all, and when I'm in that state people say I act weird and 'blank'. People don't say that when I'm like this.
I can't tell what's going on, and I was just evaluated for mental illnesses a few months ago and DID wasn't on there. I don't know what to think or do.#Bipolar2 #BipolarDisorder #CPTSD #PTSD #DID #disassociate #MultiplePersonalities
Last night my girlfriend and I got into our 2nd "dumb" (imo) argument of this week. She has, by her own admission, been extra emotional this week. And during the argument I realized I was disassociating severely. At one point I felt like I was in a sitcom because her emotions/reactions/questions seemed so over the top and out of nowhere that I really had no clue how to respond. #disassociate #Relationshipproblems #Relationships
I can feel the ideas jamming up. What to work on next? I cant hear them any more its just a jumble of ideas overlapping.
I start on one thing and my brain says as soon as you're done- xyz too ok? I cant remember how to do the thing I am doing now. I cant remember to do it before walking away. What was I doing?
I sit down and open my laptop and I put on the music that keeps me motivated. Music is my magic potion if there's any magic left.
Please stay.
I can't remember what was next. I don't get off the couch.
I disassociate and feel the muscles down by back let go
Is this ship being flown by someone, something else?
I think I’m disassociated right now and like my pupils are really big. I thought it did that when I was manic but then I was told that that behavior and feeling is me disassociating. I don’t know exactly what it really is tho. I’m so confused and worried. I hate this feeling. I feel like not here and like I can do anything because it feels like I’m in a dream or something. I told my dad and he was like “are you on drugs” but I’m not. I just don’t understand this feeling and my pupils are really big and I’m wondering if that’s part of disassociating. so please help me. anyone. #Disassociative #dissociativeamnesia #dissociativedisorders #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #DissociationDisorders #DissociativeFugue #Dissociation #PTSD #PosttraumaticStressDisiroder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
I just find out that yesterday the sumptuous I was having was Disassociate. Idk that and I just want to know what happens to you guys when it happened #disassociate #BipolarDiorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
I’m scared what will happen if it gets worse and I’ll screw up my job #disassociate
This is my first ever post, (after having The Mighty for a few months, but only reading.) Last night I #disassociate(d) so much that when I looked in the mirror I didn’t recognize myself. This is the first time that’s ever happened to me.
When I tried to move my hands I found I didn’t have any control and my movements seemed involuntary.
I ended up curling up into a ball on the floor and had a panic attack, before crawling into bed.
That’s all I can remember, at least.
This morning I found scratches on my face and a cut on my forehead, which leads me to think I zoned out while panicking and scratched myself. I dunno, it’s scary loosing it and not remembering what happened the next day.
I at least know why it happened, my hormones caused my anxiety to fluctuate throughout the day and by the evening my brain kind of switched off and pulled out of my body I think, to numb it.
Thanks to anyone who bothered to read this, just thought sharing my thoughts online could help me and hopefully someone else, like it does to me when I read your posts. Sending lots of love
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