#PTSD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #PanicAttack #Depression #SleepDisorders #Job #MentalHealth
Hi everyone! I hope all of you are safe and well wherever you are. My psychiatrist gave me a 10 day medical leave and I just got back to work yesterday. During the medical leave, my panic attacks and anxiety is still managable as I need not face my unreasonable boss and my smart alex colleague. As i am the only female in the whole department, they are like having some sexiet problem. I am in a male dominated industry, with 12 years of experience. But my smart alex colleague doesn’t seem to know what is to work as a team and always make things difficult. When he doesnt perform, my client will write or call me and make a fuss. As an Accoutnt Manager, I need to keep in check, the interest of my client and the service level rendered. With the amount they are paying every month. I just sealed a deal 2 months back, and my client just told me, I gave the deal to your company is not because of anything. Is because you are my Account Manager. Please dont leave the company before my contract ends with your company.
My boss is ridiculous. He is rude. I will keep him updated on whatever proposal and upcoming projects that we are going to work on. He is kind of flicker minded. When i update him what is going on, he will reply “no need to tell me, you know how to manage” when i dont, he will say “ why didnt you tell me” hard to please yeah?
He wanted to set up a meeting with me during my medical leave. So he text me during my medical leave and it was on a weekend. I said let me get back to work and settle my important appointments first then i will get back to you. He replied “ i thought you would take the initiative to approach me and set up a date?” I was like….? I am in still on medical leave. And he send another text, “ I think you should manage your time, not only you are busy, everyone is busy too” i am loss for words. Its still 4-5 days more before my medical leave ends.
He expects me to visit my clients and reply to every single mail when i am on medical leave? If thats the case, i rather cancel my medical leave and get back to work. I myself know that i am not in a good state to work then.
Seriously, this is draining me. I need to keep going til mid next year til my client contract ends before i could get a new job or head over to my competitors.
I am just delivering my duties thats all. I guess I be better off at my competitors, at least without a boss like him.
I am worried now that he will goggle or search for my doctor’s name. And….. everything will come to light that i am seeing a psychiatrist. As mental health is still a stigma.
Sigh. I am really drianed. I am so tired of working especially the thought of seeing him. Lucky i got to work hybridity, if not i think it will be worst.
But his mails and texts will drive me up the wall. And make my panic attacks go hay wire. At times, it gets so bad that my hands and feets gets cold and shake so badly. And its out of my control. I will start to question myself. Am i at fault? What did i do again? I must be f****** stupid! Sigh
Then my speech will start to slutter and my heart will feel like its coming out from my body.
Am i really that useless?