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    Moving from Lexapro to Zoloft Tw: suicidality mention

    About 4 weeks ago I started Zoloft and stopped taking Lexapro.

    The first three days were horrible. I felt like I did when I had a bad reaction to an antibiotic, and felt suicidal for the first time in years.

    Called and left a message at my psychiatrist's office with no reply.

    I am on a 25 mg dose and have tried taking two, bumping up to 50 and felt *almost* ok, have been toughing it out for the last few weeks.

    Work has been exhausting and I'm afraid. I have not been myself.

    I am hoping that my appointment will see an increase to 50 or 100, since 25 is not helping handle things at all.

    #Zoloft #Sertraline #MajorDepression #TW

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    Hi! #TW

    Hey everyone. I'm glad this exists, I really do because I've been struggling pretty bad. I suffer from PTSD from different situations, death, sexual abuse and abandonment. I'm feeling pretty angry right now actually, because I'm sick with these thoughts. It's really made me dislike my mind with these intrusive thoughts and nightmares. I have nightmares of my sexual abuser apologizing, or interfering on my life, and I wake up in a panic not even being able to work sometimes. I'm sick with this struggle, because I can't talk about it. I feel like other struggles can be spoken about, and I hate thinking this way. I hate comparing my situations to others, but my brain does anyway. It looks at the difference between when I vent about such a taboo subject and how no one can help me, and they don't know how. And we can't talk about it too much. And we have to tiptoe around it. And we feel dirty, and nasty, and weird. Why did my brain compare my relationship to my father compared to others? My father betrayed me in every way possible. When someone's father passes away, my heart aches, but wonders... what does it feel like to feel that pain because of such a close bond? What's that like to have a father that didn't traumatize you, but loved you unconditionally? I feel so jipped sometimes. I want to mourn his loss instead of being okay with his passing because he ruined my innocence, and I'm sick about this and sometimes I wish my relationships matched how I see myself. I see myself as someone who deserved that. I'm kind and have so much love to give and was given a sick situation that I have to live with for the rest of my life and don't know how.

    I don't know what I'm asking for or looking for, but I guess I just want to say that I'm sorry to everyone in this group because you all deserved so much better. This community feels accepting, and I think even something like this is comforting.

    20 comments
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    why degendering is not okay nomatter what #lbgtqia #queerandautistic #Pride #Gay #antihomophobic #TW #Identity first #AutismPride

    SO i have this teacher who dicided to degender her amasing studend named lili (not real name)lili was also on multipule ocasines deadnamed.

    sadly this is not the first time this has happened nore willl it be the last.

    I Know of a kid who makes me degender (insert pronoun) becouse of transphobic parents.this kid is a lovly kid but is closeted due to faimly.

    more public examples are JKR aka the auther we want to froget

    please make a afert not to dengender people.

    Post

    What do I do to change the way I think/am?

    I’m a woman and happy to be one. But, when I have sexual feelings and act on them, I hate myself and my ‘womanhood’. I know it stems from the abuse I went through when I was a child. But I hate myself for it. I want a boyfriend and baby one day but I’m bad at relationships. I tried to tell my counsellor how I’ve been feeling and I don’t think she really understood me. Inside I feel dirty and it’s all because I was engaged in sexual acts from before my time and addicted to those feelings as a kid. I feel worthless (but I know I’m not) and I feel confused. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Any advice is welcomed.

    Thank you 🤍 #TW

    2 comments
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    #TW : #Selfharm , #SuicidalIdeation #Depression #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety

    Hi, I'm looking for help or some love because I feel I can't find it where Im right now and Im scare of what I could do to myself.
    Sorry, this will be long, and I'm not native speaker.
    Lastnight I had a big fight with my brother.
    I've been in a deep depression crisis since January 2020 and the last two months I have made a huge effort to get out of this crisis and getting up day after day is a titanic task, just last week I could not get out of bed for several days and suffered panic attacks while I had sleep paralysis, my family thought I was convulsing. however I try to get up early in the morning every day and clean my house. Yesterday was one of those days that I made it. I even made lunch for everyone at home, after that I was too exhausted to even eat what I had cooked so I stopped. By the time my brother came home he made a comment about how "dirty I always am and that I never do anything". that there was a dirty plate and that it was surely mine because I never washed a plate. That made me lose all my consciousness because I had even washed his dirty clothes but he only focused on my bad days.
    It is already too difficult to try to have a good day so that he despises everything and simply says that Im lazy and useless. It makes me think that no matter how hard I try Ill never recover and that I can only be the crazy one in the family. He even said (I can't get this sentence out of my head and He's not the first to say it to me) that I'm only good at trying to kill myself.
    A part of me tried to defend myself and explain to him that it was not right to say those things about me, it was not true and also it was not fair because I am making too great an effort to recover and that did not help at all. I knew that I did not deserve that they only count the things that I do well or badly( but in my house the culture is very ableist and since this depressive crisis began I have not been able to work because I am not able to maintain a work ) While I was fighting with my brother he insisted on taking out everything and since most of my days were bad and that he always said that I was sick I was in bed for weeks. That made everything worse and I got very aggressive and tried to hit him, to which he responded with more. When my parents tried to separate us, he blamed me for everything, he said that I was crazy and that I'm the reason why all things ended badly at home. After that, all I remember is being alone in my room, hurting my legs with fury, my arms were already bleeding and I just wanted to have enough strength to end my life once and for all. I've been crying all night and I can't get suicidal thoughts out of my head. It is already difficult to fight against them, but someone else pushing you towards them is something that I can't handle. I'm afraid and very tired, I just want this fight of more than 10 years to end.

    2 comments
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    Fear #TW #E

    I am so so scared. I have my screening on Monday with the ED Clinic. I have fears that they'll either claim that I am either too healthy to receive help, or that it is worse than I thought. My BMI is currently 17.8, and I am weighing 7.9stone. I have researched online to see what others of my weight have experienced with an ED clinic, but cannot seem to find anything. If someone could please give me some advice, hope, literally anything, I would be hugely grateful. I am so so anxious.

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    Not good enough #TW

    I feel like crap, to be honest.
    I have not been diagnosed with an eating disorder as I am currently waiting for my referal for the ED clinic. They said they're extremely busy at the moment, so god knows when I'll hear from then. But until then, I find myself lost deep within ED tumblr on a daily, constantly finding others who are restricting themselves with foods to see whether my weight is valid. I don't know who I am anymore. I want to be skinny, I want to be good enough. I want BPD to go away too, I've found myself impulsively piercing my own ear twice today, and eating far too much which I now regret and feel as though I should harm myself because of it. I think because I do not yet have a diagnosis, it is constantly on my mind the questioning of "what is wrong with me?", maybe nothing is wrong with me, but I do not wish to feel like this any longer.

    #EatingDisorders #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

    3 comments
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    Here we go again... #TW

    The Mighty, it's been a while.
    Since my last post, I have been prescribed anti-depressants, and today I had my review in which my dosage was increased. I've recently relapsed regarding self harm, and feel as though my life is spiralling out of control. I have been referred to an eating disorder clinic, began to weigh myself on a daily, and felt as though all the progress I made with my attempt to love myself has soon gone to waste.

    I was doing so well, I made it to one year self harm free, maintained a healthy weight, quit smoking for 6 months. And now here we are again, stuck in the rut of the black hole we call BPD.

    When does it end? Does it ever get better? What can I do to give myself hope whilst furloughed and living every day as though it is the same.

    I beg, anyone. Please send me messages of hope, recommended videos to inspire me search for my self love. Anything at all, before I give up.

    #BPD

    2 comments
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    Having a hard time at work

    I’m an essential retail worker and have been continuing with work without interruption throughout everything that has been happening. Now that things have improved a lot where I am, there is really no restrictions in place and so the Christmas rush is on.

    I have been getting a lot more hours than I ever have and I am really getting stressed out by it. I just want a break, I’m so tired, but the only thing I can do really is call in sick now and then because I really don’t want to disclose my illness - I have had that cause issue in the past.

    It’s not just the stressful Christmas period that anyone who works or worked in retail would know all about. It’s also that I’m very, very unhappy in my current workplace. I feel unappreciated and surreptitiously (sometimes overtly) bullied, even though I do the best I can. Sometimes I want to shout at them that I’m mentally ill and I’m doing everything I can, and their attitude isn’t helping anything. But I can’t, of course. Maybe it would be okay if I could work in a section that would require less interaction, but I think the Christmas period is not the time to ask for a shift that would require a bit of training to be done.

    I’ve been dealing with suicidal ideation, disordered thinking, and a mixed symptoms (bipolar II) on a more frequent basis than ever. I have things keeping me alive and I hope that when those things are through with, I will be in a better place mentally. I’m just so tired.

    #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Workstress #TriggerWarnings #SuicidalThoughts #TW #triggerwarningsuicide #triggerwarningsuicidal

    5 comments
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    I don’t understand. #TW

    I do not understand how I feel. Well, I do. It’s happened before...many times, but this time there is no trigger. I feel as though I am dreaming, and everything appears larger than usual. It’s frustrating as I am unaware of what has caused this. Does anyone else ever have moments/episodes like this? I want to understand and learn how to cope with it.

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Dissociation #DissociativeEpisode #triggerwarning

    1 comment