Dissociativeseizures

So with recent deterioration I now cannot walk. I can't drive due to #SeizureDisorder so I need help to get anywhere.
Boyfriend who I live with works full time, long hours, is amazing but unable to help with getting me everywhere I need to be, plus that's not his responsibility.
My parents have been good with getting me to the shops and a few doctors appointments but are going away on holiday for a week.
I really struggle with asking for help, especially when it feels like giving up my independance, but the alternative is isolation, and not getting the things I need, or to my appointments etc.
How do I ask for help without feeling inadequate?
#ChronicIllness #Disability #dissociativedisorders #Dissociativeseizures #HemiplegicMigraine #Migraine #chronic #help #Advice #Depression #Anxiety #PanicDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #MobilityAids #Seizure #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #Insomnia #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #Doctors #Family

I’m currently in hospital because of seizures, and they are trying to state that my seizures are down to emotional unstable personality disorder a term called dissociative seizures. But surely #Fedupofdrs if this was the case I would’ve experienced this months ago when having psychosis and mental breakdown no? Not now when life’s going fairly well and I’m actually happy. #Dissociativeseizures #Emotionalunstablepersonalitydisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #fedupofmybody

I was up late last night,
It was a bad night.

You were there to hold me though,
You held me tight and didn’t let go.

You was up late last night,
But for you it wasn’t bad.

You took those thoughts away,
And wiped all my tears from my face.

I was up late last night,
It was a bad night.

Till 3 AM you reassured me,
Repeating your words over and over again.

You was up late last night,
But for you it wasn’t bad.

The time and patience that you gave,
Saved me from that dark place again.

I was up late last night,
It was a bad night...
But then you saved me.

So a problem came up,
It was a shock to the system.

I had to take a few steps back
And work out my position.

The fall was long and hard,
But I must get back up, I have to get back up...

The weight was far too much to bear,
I crumbled and was left gasping for air.

The pain in my chest so intense,
It left me so anxious and tensed.

I couldn’t believe what I saw,
And it left me shaking to my core.

So a problem came up,
It was a shock to the system.

I had to take a few steps back
And work out my position.

The fall was long and hard,
But I must get back up, I have to get back up...

I made a mistake, like all people do
I apologised, what more can I do.

No matter what I’ve done and said,
You still wish that I was dead.

The nasty words you still choose to say,
They spin around in my head every day.

So a problem came up,
It was a shock to the system.

I had to take a few steps back
And work out my position.

The fall was long and hard,
But I must get back up, I have to get back up...

You’ve only expressed your truth,
But there’s more to it and I have the proof.

You’re words drowned me in self hate,
Leaving me to accept this horrid fate.

Unable to breathe or move anymore,
I crumbled down to the floor.

So a problem came up,
It was a shock to the system.

I had to take a few steps back
And work out my position.

The fall was long and hard,
But I must get back up, I have to get back up...

But I wasn’t left to face this alone,
The support I got, I should have known.

I bet you never counted on it,
And thought I’d wallow in a bottomless pit.

But you was just so wrong,
And this time it didn’t last long.

So a problem came up,
It was a shock to the system.

I had to take a few steps back
And work out my position.

The fall was long and hard,
But I must get back up, I have to get back up...

The ray of light, it wrapped me up,
Held me close and pulled me up.

Holding my hand every step of the way,
The support I know is here to stay.

With this help I know I’ll make it through,
No matter what you say, I know it’s true.

So a problem came up,
It was a shock to the system.

I had to take a few steps back
And work out my position.

The fall was long and hard,
But I had to get back up, I have got back up.

So things are very different now,
To most it’s small, but to me it’s huge.

Everything is so quiet in my head,
The silence grows with every day...

You see, I’m changing day by day,
But I’m still trying to work out how.

I think I know the reason behind it,
However I’m reluctant to admit it.

The pain must have left internal scars,
For me to still question and fear it.

It’s just that heavenly silence,
It takes over and I give in and find peace.

So things are very different now,
To most it’s small, but to me it’s huge.

Everything is so quiet in my head,
The silence grows with every day...

You see, I’m changing day by day,
But I’m still trying to work out how.

I’m finding myself in this silence,
Creating my own path through it all.

You would think that it’d be hard,
But in reality it is just so easy.

I may still be trying to find myself
However, the way is brightly lit.

So things are very different now,
To most it’s small, but to me it’s huge.

Everything is so quiet in my head,
The silence grows with every day...

You see, I’m changing day by day,
But I’m still trying to work out how.

Sometimes the noise creeps back,
Letting me know it’s all still there.

The questioning and fears filling my head,
Trying to take over once again.

But the silence comes back to save me
And frees me from this pain.

So things are very different now,
To most it’s small, but to me it’s huge.

Everything is so quiet in my head,
The silence grows with every day...

You see, I’m changing day by day,
But I’m still trying to work out how.

The fears may always stay with me,
But in the background they will stay.

And inside, my head may be silent,
But the light shining through is so bright.

In time I’ll truly accept my cure,
In time I’ll truly believe my saving grace.

So things are very different now,
To most it’s small, but to me it’s huge.

Everything is so quiet in my head,
The silence grows with every day...

You see, I’m changing day by day,
But I’m still trying to work out how.

I don’t understand most feelings,
Its why I chose to disconnect from them.

I was only ever taught to feel one,
To turn everything into anger.

But there’s another feeling I understand,
A feeling that I never wanted...

I’m just so afraid,
Afraid of absolutely everything.

They tried to drum it out of me,
They didn’t want me to know fear.

But these days I feel it more than anything,
I feel it more than the anger.

Forever fearing the unknown,
Consumed by the darkness...

I’m just so afraid,
Afraid of absolutely everything.

No one would know it though,
I hide it very well you see.

They don’t know how I really feel,
Or about the monsters in my head.

Constantly doubting and distrusting,
What would they think if they really knew...

I’m just afraid,
Afraid of absolutely everything.

I’m scared that I can never be happy,
That everyone will just hurt me.

And that no matter what I do or say,
It’ll always be used against me.

That there will always be something,
Anything to keep the monsters there...

I’m just afraid.
Afraid of absolutely everything.

I feel like like I’m living an endless cycle,
No matter what I do or choose.

Every fearful thought that races through my head,
Are the very thoughts that trap me.

I can’t can’t escape this invisible cage,
Even though I can see the way out.

It’s my protection and strength,
But it’s also my biggest downfall.

I’m not enough, no matter what I say.
I’m not enough, no matter what I do.

It’s so much more than that though.
More thoughts come from this.

It becomes a way of life, like second nature.
It’s what’s kept me here, kept me going.

Those thoughts somehow made me strong,
In a world that continues to cause pain.

A price must be payed, one that I have.
I payed it long ago, without even knowing.

It’s getting harder to pay back, to keep up.
It’s draining me and I’m worse than ever.

I’m not enough, no matter what I say.
I’m not enough, no matter what I do.

I want to let it go, I want to escape.
I’m tired of this endless torture.

I try so hard to, there’s been so many times.
I get so close and I start to break away.

It tricks me into thinking it’s over.
That the dept is payed, that I am free.

Then the pain comes back, in full force.
It brings the thoughts back too.

My only means of surviving.
The torture I just can’t escape.

How could I possibly let go and free myself.
In a world that continues to cause pain.

I feel like like I’m living an endless cycle,
No matter what I do or choose.

How many exotic dancers who happen to have seizures and/or autism? 🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️

I wear a mask everyday. Most can’t see it,
but it’s always there.

It’s invisible you see and realistic too.
My very own mirror mask.

It hides everything I don’t want you see.
Keeping it all a secret from the world.

It was once so easy to wake up and put it on.
However it’s becoming harder to wear.

As the years go by, it’s getting heavier
And the cracks are beginning to show.

I don’t want to put the mask away...
No matter how much I am told to do so.

My mirror mask protects me as well as you.
It protects me from all of the hatred.

I know there’s an escape, I can see it...
I’m just so scared to let go.

To put down the one thing that kept me going.
The one thing that kept me looking strong.

Because I’m afraid you won’t like what you see,
As what’s underneath is so dark.

I wear a mask everyday. Most can’t see it,
but it’s always there.

It’s invisible you see and realistic too.
My very own mirror mask.

I have been having #Dissociativeseizures for just under a year now along with other #Dissociation issues which have been going on longer.

I got my diagnosis a few months ago from my neurologist but there is no further support available.

How do you cope in daily life? What support do you receive?

I also just want to reach out to anyone else going through the same things x