Lobbying in 2007, sharing my ED journey beginning in 1992, was the first time I met someone else who suffered, as well. Surreal and Life Changing...yet still I live the battle of shaming and isolation from my family. Believing I never wanted help, and that’s my life’s dream to experience and come through from the trauma left in my 30 year battle. All I wanted was to go to the ranch in Arizona that was the only place I knew would save me. One year was requested by the seriousness of my health. Why do I still get shamed, stigmatized, and abused by the family members who have no idea how to support, Listen or care about my life leaving me in the hospital this summer in my fourth attempts of suicide after losing my love to his. I sometimes just feel complexptsd attacks. Why is it so hard to get the help that could relieve me from this all and do my best to shout my story out to anyone who knows the darkness that caused suffering, not healing or even validated. Never asked once about how I felt. Just told what I felt and pushed out by my family. I’m never invited to celebrate birthdays or join their zoom parties. I have not heard anything from them since they believe isolation “ will help me finding rock bottom, and quit making up my stories that I made up in my head “ that I actually lived and documented my road back. Why is this so important to me? I had to survive a whole different experience with the abuse that came in speaking up for help, and that’s not the message that should come out of my life journey to healing and raising awareness in learning how to communicate through all I’ve been taken through. I can still dream. #SurvivingEd #suicidesurviorX4 #Bipolar1 #Complex Post Traumatic Stress #suicidelossurvivors #resilientbutexhausted #dreamingofexperiencingtreatmentattheranchinarizona #Documentary
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