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Afraid to Sleep
The day is over,
but my body doesn’t know.
My heart is still racing,
my nerves still screaming,
and I’m exhausted
but afraid to close my eyes.
Because there’s a kind of fear
that comes with a heart
you cannot always trust—
lying in the dark,
listening to every beat,
wondering if you’ll wake
to see another day.
People see the flare.
They don’t see the fear
that follows me to bed.
The quiet prayers.
The racing thoughts.
The desperate wish
to feel safe inside my own body.
I wonder how many of us
carry this fear in silence,
beneath blankets,
behind closed doors.
Because chronic illness
doesn’t end when the day does.
And sometimes,
the hardest part of being sick
is trying to fall asleep
when you’re afraid to let go.
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