empathizeeducateadvocate

I have realized, people pleasing has been part of my agenda all of my life. When you live with mental disorders, it often comes naturally...as we try to make up for our perceived deficits. I have often fostered toxic relationships, even clung to them. I am not saying I'm not culpable, or that I have not brought toxicity into relationships. What I have finally come to terms with, is I am not for everyone. Everyone is not for me. I still choose to walk in love with others, even if maintaining a relationship is not possible. That's pretty huge, for someone like me. I have tried to force relationships, as I was always the "fixer" in my family. My role was "make everyone happy"and things will be great. Not so much. I was displaying more of a God Complex, in retrospect. Trauma children acquire an innate ability to people please. By default, if it means you won't get the blank kicked out of you that day, or, other types of abuse, it makes sense. Carrying that process of people pleasing into adulthood, can be dangerous, however. I now fully accept, if I am not understood, if I have to continually explain my very existence, if I am judged by those who do not even wish to get to know me...I will no longer trip over myself to make it work. This even goes for family members. I am often rejected and labeled by others. I have relatives who will not engage with me, as I am neurodiverse. I have relatives that do not acknowledge my existence. That's on them. We all have light and dark, good and bad. To judge me, due to stigma and an uneducated stance, is not on me. I have and continue to do everything possible to rectify the symptoms I live with. Rectify as in make myself socially acceptable in a neurotypical environment. If you KNOW me, I have much love, and am generous to a fault. I walk in forgiveness and confront issues. I expect trust, not deceit, from those I love. The constant stress of trying to live up to expectations of others, is no longer an option for me. I am very aware of my limitations. I must lay down my expectations, if others lay them down for me. Part of this is very freeing. The other part is radical acceptance. The in between, is pure Hell.
❤️Alice

#Iamnotforeveryone
#RadicalAcceptance
#nomorepeoplepleasing
#childhoodtraumasurvivor
#PTSD
#CPTSD
#BPD
#PersonalityDisorders
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#neurodiverse
#neurotypical
#empathizeeducateadvocate
#searchingforgrey
#weareallfalable
#Judgement
#MentalHealthAwareness
#stigmafighter
#warrior

I have realized, people pleasing has been part of my agenda all of my life. When you live with mental disorders, it often comes naturally...as we try to make up for our perceived deficits. I have often fostered toxic relationships, even clung to them. I am not saying I'm not culpable, or that I have not brought toxicity into relationships. What I have finally come to terms with, is I am not for everyone. Everyone is not for me. I still choose to walk in love with others, even if maintaining a relationship is not possible. That's pretty huge, for someone like me. I have tried to force relationships, as I was always the "fixer" in my family. My role was "make everyone happy"and things will be great. Not so much. I was displaying more of a God Complex, in retrospect. Trauma children acquire an innate ability to people please. By default, if it means you won't get the blank kicked out of you that day, or, other types of abuse, it makes sense. Carrying that process of people pleasing into adulthood, can be dangerous, however. I now fully accept, if I am not understood, if I have to continually explain my very existence, if I am judged by those who do not even wish to get to know me...I will no longer trip over myself to make it work. This even goes for family members. I am often rejected and labeled by others. I have relatives who will not engage with me, as I am neurodiverse. I have relatives that do not acknowledge my existence. That's on them. We all have light and dark, good and bad. To judge me, due to stigma and an uneducated stance, is not on me. I have and continue to do everything possible to rectify the symptoms I live with. Rectify as in make myself socially acceptable in a neurotypical environment. If you KNOW me, I have much love, and am generous to a fault. I walk in forgiveness and confront issues. I expect trust, not deceit, from those I love. The constant stress of trying to live up to expectations of others, is no longer an option for me. I am very aware of my limitations. I must lay down my expectations, if others lay them down for me. Part of this is very freeing. The other part is radical acceptance. The in between, is pure Hell.
❤️Alice

#Iamnotforeveryone
#RadicalAcceptance
#nomorepeoplepleasing
#PeoplePleaser
#cantbuylove
#neurodiverse
#neurotypical
#empathizeeducateadvocate
#searchingforgrey
#childhoodtraumasurvivor
#PTSD
#CPTSD
#BPD
#PersonalityDisorders
#Judgement
#MentalHealthAwareness
#stigmafighter
#warrior

#MentalHealth #warrior #Childhoodtrauma #PTSD #CPTSD #bpdawareness #livingwithbpd #BPDStigma #empathizeeducateadvocate

This is National Borderline Mental Health Month. I was thinking of those of us living with BPD and how strong we must be just to survive, every day, especially during this time of Covid-19. Here's a shout-out to all of us #stay
(BPD) is a personality disorder that can be both hereditary or acquired by growing up in a traumatic childhood environment. Many with BPD were abused sexually, physically, verbally, and mentally as a child. We are often born into families of dysfunction. There is no 1 drug or fix for those of us who suffer. BPD can display in a multitude of ways. We live with constant stigma. Like snowflakes, we have unique symptoms. The criteria diagnosis however, is much the same. At the very core are abandonment, trauma and abuse issues. The journey to manage our symptoms is lifelong. Having BPD as a diagnosis is compared to living with stage 4 terminal cancer in stress. Left unchecked, our symptoms can destroy our lives and the lives of those who try to love us. BPD can go into remission, only to reoccur in minutes by something that triggers us. A trigger is a connection between the conscious mind and a buried painful memory. It can occur by sight, sound, smell, words. Coming out of nowhere, it sends our mind back to an experienced trauma. This is also known as Complex PTSD. Living with BPD means a lifetime of always explaining yourself and your actions to others. BPD leaves us second-guessing our thoughts and emotions 24/7. Lacking the grey area in our brain, we split black/white thinking. All or Nothing. Good or Bad. Love or Hate. BPD is your brain going 90 mph with the parking brake on. We are misunderstood, abandoned or dismissed due to our instability and dysregulation of our moods. From this, we suffer great loneliness. If you take time to know us, you will find us to be intelligent people. We are generous and giving. We love big and are loyal. We would lay our life down for those we love. We'd rather hurt ourselves than you. If we do hurt you in our words or actions, we often take it out by self-harming and self-loathing that can last for days. We find it hard to forgive ourselves when our symptoms flair. This is not a life we asked for. It is a life we Radically Accept. BPD has the highest suicide rate of all mental disorders. We are #warriors as we have been fighting for our lives since we were a child. 💪Alice M. Pirola

This is National Borderline Mental Health Month. (BPD) is a personality disorder that can be both hereditary or acquired by growing up in a traumatic childhood environment. Many with BPD were abused sexually, physically, verbally, and mentally as a child. We are often born into families of dysfunction. There is no 1 drug or fix for those of us who suffer. BPD can display in a multitude of ways. We live with constant stigma. Like snowflakes, we have unique symptoms. The criteria diagnosis however, is much the same. At the very core are abandonment, trauma and abuse issues. The journey to manage our symptoms is lifelong. Having BPD as a diagnosis is compared to living with stage 4 terminal cancer in stress. Left unchecked, our symptoms can destroy our lives and the lives of those who try to love us. BPD can go into remission, only to reoccur in minutes by something that triggers us. A trigger is a connection between the conscious mind and a buried painful memory. It can occur by sight, sound, smell, words. Coming out of nowhere, it sends our mind back to an experienced trauma. This is also known as Complex PTSD. Living with BPD means a lifetime of always explaining yourself and your actions to others. BPD leaves us second-guessing our thoughts and emotions 24/7. Lacking the grey area in our brain, we split black/white thinking. All or Nothing. Good or Bad. Love or Hate. BPD is your brain going 90 mph with the parking brake on. We are misunderstood, abandoned or dismissed due to our instability and dysregulation of our moods. From this, we suffer great loneliness. If you take time to know us, you will find us to be intelligent people. We are generous and giving. We love big and are loyal. We would lay our life down for those we love. We'd rather hurt ourselves than you. If we do hurt you in our words or actions, we often take it out by self-harming and self-loathing that can last for days. We find it hard to forgive ourselves when our symptoms flair. This is not a life we asked for. It is a life we Radically Accept. BPD has the highest suicide rate of all mental disorders. We are #warriors as we have been fighting for our lives since we were a child. 💪Alice M. Pirola
#BPD #MentalHealthAwareness #PTSD #CPTSD #Childhoodtrauma #SuicideAwareness #warrior #empathizeeducateadvocate #livingwithbpd