So how does a person stay positive after a setback, like getting a new diagnoses???
I am reeling here. I feel like I'm falling into this pit of #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder & #Selfharm with #Depression & #Anxiety .
I feel like I have been given another death sentence...
Let me explain why ---
I should have died December 29th 2015. I would have died on that day if it wasn't for my husband having insurance. Unlike a few people I have known in the past, I was "lucky". I got the help I needed & they didn't discharge me to go die at home, unlike a friend or two. But even then, they gave me 6 months to a year, "If I was "lucky"" (see, there's that blasted word again, "lucky")...
Well I made it to 6 months, then a year, then a year & a day, a year & 2 days, etc. I researched everything I could find about #ESLD . I completely changed my eating. I did everything I could do for my health. Turns out that anything you do for your liver, works for all parts of you; including heart & high cholesterol (so that's why I'm so confused!)Then last year's heat about baked me into my bed. I was almost bed-ridden from the heat alone. The neuropathy in my legs was excruciating. & slowly, but surely, things have been changing in a way I never saw coming! I thought I was getting better because I was having no complications like an #ESLD patient 5 years in would normally be having (literally, I have had NO issues, hence why I thought I was getting better).
But it must be because I told my Dr I am so tired & lethargic in my day. I literally have to struggle to even get up to walk to my coffee pot. Doing chores, didn't happen, ugh. Dishes, I'd dig a dirty plate out of the sink & wash it for what I wanted to eat at that moment. Eek! My feet, or at least the bottoms of them, get a blue color once in awhile. I get winded just making my bed. So my Dr. of course did blood work, which we usually always do, except for the time before. The only time we didn't do bloods in 5 years, 1 time, & the next time I get my blood drawn, I end up having dangerously high cholesterol. So in 1 year, it went from fine, to "Dangerously high levels", could have a stroke or heart attack any moment now."
So this is scary on many levels. I have fought hard the last 5 years to stay alive & actually live, not just survive. I have changed my life around for that. Everything I have done, should have helped with any other problem that could have presented itself. It hasn't.
My Grandmother died when she was 43 from a heart attack. My mother had a triple bypass 2 years ago & has been having issues since she was 43 (She is & has been taking #statins ) I am currently 43... See my concern here???
I may just have family history & #ESLD to thank for this. There just may be no escaping this & that is the scariest thought...
I cannot escape from this. I can do what I can to try & "manage" it, but all-in-all, my worst fear may just be coming true... My heart is finally going to be giving out on me.
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