helpmedeal

I want to settle down but all the guys that come my way are emotionally controlling
It seems easier just to be single. Oh and also I am Wasian. That's White Asian due to being a Korean American Adoptee with My Caucasian Family that raised me sinxe I was 2 years old. So any guy that is attracted to merely my looks, I lose interest Don't judge a book by it's cover
Also I want to move where empaths lice. But where? #helpmedeal .

Guys I have had so much anxiety over covid since it started and now my younger cousin has symptoms and she got tested. We won't know until next week but I am very nervous for her, myself, and everyone. #COVID19 #Anxiety #helpmedeal

I’m struggling so bad tonight. I’m barely able to keep going. But I know I have to. I called my friend and told him to check on me tomorrow just so I know “I’m safe”, so I don’t try to hurt myself. It’s to hold me accountable. But right now I swear I feel I could have a total breakdown. I’m at work trying not to cry or scream. I am struggling so bad. I don’t feel strong. And I truly don’t know why I’m struggling so bad
#Depression #MentalHealth #SuicidalThoughts #NoOneFightsAlone #helpmedeal

I was at the store some time ago and as I got in line to check out, I instantly felt like I couldn’t breathe. My first thought was whether or not I had little energy left in me, then everything stopped and my head began to hurt. I thought, “ Oh, no.” As soon as I said this in my mind, I almost began to cry in front of everyone, but I kept reminding to breathe the whole time I was there. I almost ran home and couldn’t get my keys out fast enough with my shakey hands. I barricaded myself in my bedroom, lit a candle, the fan is going, and I’m laid out on the floor with a headache. I don’t know if I has a anxiety attack or not, but it was sudden and I felt like I was losing control of myself very fast. #MentalHealth #PanicAttacks #lowenergy #Headache #helpmedeal #ineedhelp

I feel hurt and exhausted and I want to be ok but no matter what seems to happen I’m not ok and i want to go back to how I was when I was happy and I cared and back to a time when I still had some hope left
But now I don’t think I have any hope left because I’m a disaster and I can’t take much more of this #notokay #helpmedeal #givingup

My crappy insurance that I just got due to a job change is now dictating my level of care. Nothing is covered and my main med is too expensive. I have no words for how we can allow this. I just see no end in sight. Everyday I get pushed down. I’m past frustrated.

There are so many problems in this world. But why do mine seem so big to me? I don’t know.

My head has become entangled in trying to detangle the thoughts that haunt me. Why? I don’t know.

I’m know this world is bigger, brighter, more beautiful than I believe. So why don’t I believe? Tell me please.

Help me to understand what’s wrong with me so I can set it right. The sails on the ship in my head seem to constantly be caught in a storm. Help me, please.

I don’t want to die but sometimes the light from the lighthouse either doesn’t seem to show or I do futant I don’t feel like I’m going to make it no matter how hard I try.

Help me past me. Help me through me. This storm is becoming scarier and scarier day by day and I don’t want to drown. I don’t even know what’s inside of me most of the time now. I just want to learn to breath again. But I don’t know how.

What’s wrong with me? I’ve weathered storms before, so why can’t I handle this one? Course me. Help me find the light; help me find my dock.

Sometimes I feel like I’m only allowed so much happiness in one day and once I use all that happiness then I’m left with only sadness until the next day.... today I woke up feeling good, liked my outfit, work was going good, was in a good mood, got chick fil a for lunch. I had almost the euphoric feeling of pure bliss and just happy to be living... and then something so tiny and insignificant happened and it’s like I had used too much happiness too fast and 2pm I was angry and sad... full of nothing but self loathing. Telling myself how stupid and horrible I am.. wondering how my boyfriend could love someone like me... eventhough I know I haven’t done anything wrong ...I’m just crying and hating myself and I just want today to be over so the clock can reset and I can start a new day over and hopefully not use all my happiness so quick. Does that make sense at all or do I just sound insane?..... I don’t love myself and so I find it really hard to accept when others say the love me ... because I don’t understand what they could possibly see in me.... but then sometimes I feel amazing and hopeful and full of joy .... #helpmedeal

Today I thought of a friend who is having a hard time. What would I say to her?

“You’re a wonderful, caring, kind and beautiful person. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Then I thought, ‘what would my friend say to me if she knew how much I was struggling?’

A small spark lit in my brain.

#babysteps