babysteps

My kids took this picture of me on day four of this last flare. Days 1-3 are me not showering, staying in PJs, and staying in bed or on the couch as much except to go to the bathroom. No appetite. 🤢😣

Day 4 I take a shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, and even put on eye makeup and jewelry. I keep my appointments. It takes willpower to transition. I wear only the softest clothes.

In this picture I am proud of myself and happy to be home with my pets. Barry gets so relaxed when I hold and pet him and starts to purr. That makes me happy. 🥰

I want to remember this picture of day four. This is the building up my strength day. It is me pacing myself, picking myself up by my bootstraps again because my kids need me. Next time I flare, I want to remember day four is coming and I can get through the darkness of 1-3 days in hell. 😑

Day five is today...I went on a small walk with my rollator and saw beautiful flowers, heard an excited red squirrel, felt rain on my skin and smelled the earth. I mopped the floor. I like the smell of Murphy's oil on the wood floors. I am careful and still end up straining. The rest of the day I will make myself rest because the mopping wiped me out and the humidity raises my pain levels. I won't go to the events I was invited to attend. I know if I do, I will start the flare up again.

It's hard to say no. However a no to others is a yes to myself.🙂

Tomorrow brings the weekly preparations, the laundry, and the grocery shopping. I will attempt it with modifications. I will ask for help. 🐢

I notice with my flares there are 3-4days that lead up to day one, where I can see the signs and try to prevent it. I feel pretty bad but I am not flared yet. I carry on the best I can. 🤔

Then there are 3 days of intense misery. 😖😵‍💫

Then 3-4days of recovery where I'm still very tired and weak but I make the effort to rebuild. I might have a few days off or even a week before the next one starts brewing. There is a lot I have to catch up on from the days I was unable. 😶‍🌫️

Day 4 though, is my favorite. It is the turning point. There is light again. Another victory!⭐

My next step is to build a kit for flare days, when I'm too exhausted, foggy, and in pain to help myself. Maybe I need a list or mantras, or music, or permission to reschedule. What are your ideas that work for you?

I made my first ever appointment with a therapist yesterday. Sucks that I have to wait till June 10th, but at least I can finally say I’m getting help. I’m super proud of myself. 💪🏻 #Anxiety #Depression #Therapy #babysteps

You know those days when you feel accomplished because you put pants on today? 👍 Today is one of those days.

Sometimes it’s like no matter how hard we fight and do the right things, or eat the right foods, depression still takes us and lays us low. I am learning baby steps to get back out: on those days when there is the lightest lift in an area — be it energy or motivation or desire — trying to seize upon it and do SOMETHING, even just stretching my body out and putting on pants; baby steps out of the pit — baby steps. #Depression #DepressiveDisorders #DepressiveEpisodes #babysteps