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I'm an adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA) #ACOA #ChronicPain #Fibromyalgia

I'm an adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA) . Adult children live in fear that they struggle with their entire lives. This topic came up recently in a post on FB and I replied with my then 62 year experience. At 67 years, it still applies. I’m not sure if my illnesses are related to my childhood or a genetic disorder from generations of alcoholics. With science, we shall see. In the meantime,

I got so tired of being afraid. I have pretty much become fearless. My past does not define me. Do I have my moments? yes. Do I get depressed? yes. my rules.

1. Laugh, hard and truly, once a day (preferably before you get up in the morning)
2. Love with your heart, help someone every day, even if that someone is you.
3. allow yourself to feel. Be safe (counselor, group, etc)
4. accept there are parts, large parts of your life you will not remember. it's okay.
5. that person who was your parent does not control you. rewire your thinking.
6. If/when the memories begin to surface, take them one at a time, and with help, help yourself accept yourself.

You are steel-strong and soul-supreme. You Are Worth It.

#ACOA #Anxiety #Depression


Cut my dad out of my life so got no parent anymore.

My dad has been emotionally and verbally abusive since mum died back in 2008. I can sympathise because he was dealing with alcoholism and his trauma but he just caused loads of damage to me growing up. I think we became abit Co dependant to be honest.
The last straw recently was him shouting and smashing a coffee jar up saying I'm a bitch, cunt, twat and even going as far as to say he'd kill me out of anger (he wouldn't but still can't believe he'd say that to me the night before my birthday).
It was my mums birthday the day before mine but I didn't deserve to be treated like that.
I'm abit stuck in my childhood to be honest and just stuck in that unhealthy way of thinking. Grieved my dad alot as a kid because I thought he'd die from drinking but now it's like grieving again for the parent you never had and thought you could have. #ACOA #adultchildrenofalcoholics

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Searching for Answers

I am a 32 year old Black woman who is searching for answers...

Longing to understand myself better, longing to help others understand me better, and longing to connect with people who are willing to love and support exactly where I am.

In my searching, I have found out so much.

I learned recently that (long story behind this) that I was diagnosed at 6 years old with a Neuromotor Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, and possible mild Encephalopathy (brain damage) along with posturing issues (left hemiparetic posturing).

I also had seizures and constant tension headaches (tension headaches are still a problem)... all confirmed by a pediatric neurologist but not followed up with by my Mother.

As I've grown older, I also was tested by my psychologist I've been seeing for about 3 years now and he also suspects Autism, PTSD, and an Attachment disorder (he is an educational Psychologist but not a clinical psychologist so he couldn't like diagnose me right there on the spot).

Before this I was diagnosed after a break down with Schizoaffective Disorder (I was 20-21 when diagnosed?), but I've seen others who understand all of this better (counselors, etc) and they felt that I was misdiagnosed so I started to believe that I probably was....

Now, at 32 years old arriving to the understanding that my mother (my dad wasn't in the scene alot so I don't know what he knows) knew for a long time I had been diagnosed at such a young age has left a lot of questions, grief, and I admit - anger. I also feel like I need to note that I am an ACOA (Adult child of Alcoholics) which plays a huge part in why I was never addressed well by my parents with all the challenges I faced for years.

Whew.... that can be jarring to write out.

Since learning about all of this, I'm finally seeing a psychiatrist to start medication for ADD.

I'm hoping this psychiatrist will be able to address the neurological side. My psychologist has been pretty good in helping me with the behavioral aspects....but I feel like meds are the missing piece.

I've struggled for years to make sense of everything I was struggling with. Some have been patient and others just haven't because they have just found me too complicated to deal with - which is fine. I know that I also have been struggling with even understanding a lot of the time how to function well given all the things that I'm struggling with.

I'm sharing this here because I know many of you out there reading this understand the complexity and challenges of trying to get to the bottom of what's happening with you.

#neuromotordisorder #neurodivergent #ADHD #Autism #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #ACOA #Trauma #Encephalopathy #PTSD #GettingHelp


Holiday burnout

At the moment I'm dealing with really hard time to accept myself.
My husband has a four week summer holiday and now we are on the end of week three. I'm on a loooooooong sick leave so normally I have alone time every week day when my husband goes to work or even now when he was working from home (we are lucky to have workspace for him in separate room).
But now when "we" are on holiday, it seems I forget everything about how to try to balance rest - therapy - activity etc. For example usually when I have therapy once on week I try to rest after it and maybe just write down thoughts that it brings to my mind etc. And maybe being active like 3 or 4 days and just too tired to do only "must things" on rest of the week. But now I have some kind of program for every day. We don't have restrictions anymore so we have been going to see family, friends etc etc... Or hiking with dog or gardening etc... Everything is nice&fun things to do, but now I suddenly realize I'm drowning myself. I'm so so tired. I'm supposed to start DBT in August and now I suddenly realised I haven't been actually resting almost at all on this holiday. And yes, it's me who is making all these plans, not my husband. So I'm doing this again to myself, over achieving this holiday. It's so hard to balance with everything you want to do, and the energy you actually have. It makes me angry and sad when I realize I can't do it all. It's also funny thing, this "I need to be in control of everything and be capable of doing everything"-mindset only gave me a burnout at the age of 25. And still, part of me still wants to be that person. To be capable. Not to be restricted by all of my physical and mental illnesses.
Next week plan: rest and some self validation.
#Holiday #Burnout #deardiary #Selfcare
#Depression #bpd #OCPD #AvPD #EatingDisorders #BodyDysmorphicDisorder #ACOA #Asthma #IBS #Migraine


Is anyone else a Acoa and feel like they never fit in or can be themselves?

I grew up with two alcoholic parents from 8 years old and I just feel like my mental health is all over the place because of it.
I have really low self esteem and confidence and always over analyse and overthink.

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NF Inspired Art

I wish that I could look at you with empathy
Sometimes I feel like I've become what you were scared to be
Which makes it really hard to look at you with sympathy
'Cause if I'm feeling bad for you, then I have to feel bad for me
That's why I'm always looking down on you, I know it hurts
I'll be here for you if things get worse #Lyrics #Love #52SmallThings #Addiction #Anxiety #Depression #ACOA #Adultchildren


I suffer from #ACOA and the moment something happens in my life where I might need help I panic. At 58 I still do not know how to accept help .


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