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I lost a patient tonight. Not unusual in a busy ER. This was a fairly young woman with stage 4 uterine CA . A family history of breast, colon and thyroid cancer. And a large head. All the hallmark signs of cowdens. She was conscious, coherent and talking. Thanking everyone for helping her. She was in agony. Now she is gone. I truly believe to a better, happier place. But I don’t like to face my own mortality #cowdens #Cancer #pe #Cancer #Cardiac arrest

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Community Voices
Community Voices

#MajorDepressiveDisorder #BPD #Bipolar type 2 # Generalised anxiety disorder #breast cancer #chronic migraines #Addiction #Insomnia #ADD

Considering all the Hashtags I've just used I'm wondering exactly what The Universe has planned for me . You'd put a dog down for less 🤷🏼

Anyway, my reason for posting is to ask all you lovely folk, who may, or may not be reading this, whether anyone has had to cope with a dual diagnosis of mental health and addiction?

I am aware of the fact that my mental health issues started to emerge during my teens. Probably around the age of 12 or 13. And it wasn't too long after that I started experimenting with illegal substances.

My family life was pretty unstable, mum had been having an affair on and off for a few years, and came and went a couple of times.

This culminated in a last ditch attempt by my parents to save their marriage, and we ended up moving from the town I had grown up and gone to school in, and where all my friends and family were, to the London suburbs.

At the time I was halfway through my GCSE's. I had to change a couple of subjects because the classes were full. Went from a mixed school to a girls' school, and was subsequently bullied. I vividly remember taking an overdose before going to school one day, becoming frightened, and making myself sick when I got to school. I went to the office and told them I was sick and spent the rest of the day lying down in the sick room. (Implying no-one came to pick me up).

During this time, I woke up one morning as usual got ready for school etc. When I was leaving my mum was leaving too. And she turned and looked at me and said "Joanna, when you come back from school today I won't be here ".
To which I replied,
"Why what are you doing "?
And she said,
"I'm leaving your dad, so I won't be home tonight, but I'll be in touch soon "

At which point I became extremely emotional, on the verge of hysterical and fell to my knees begging her not to go, imploring her to explain why she was leaving, and whether it had anything to do with me.

The most painful, and upsetting memory I have about the whole scenario, is her basically taking my hands off her, and leaving me crying and distraught on the doorstep.

I have been lucky enough to be blessed with a beautiful daughter, she's 22 now, and I did everything in my power, not to repeat the cycle. It took a bit of tough love from a very close friend, and a lot of soul searching, to ensure that my daughter didn't experience the pain of rejection and abandonment that I did. Thankfully she's fairly well adjusted.

What I'm struggling to say is that I'm finding harder and harder to function on any kind of 'sane' level on a day to day basis. I was supposed to see a psychiatrist last week, which I failed to attend.

This is common for me, because I self sabotage. But it only adds to the disarray of my life and trying to live it.

My addiction started as a teenager and I have never had any sort of abstinence to speak of. I know my brain is fucked, I'm fucked, everything is, and I can't find any way out.

12 steps didn't work. Tried many times.

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Community Voices

Birthday 🎉🎉🎈

Shared coffee ☕ with a neighbor and her service 🐕‍🦺 BEAR. Went for a beautiful walk to get some fresh air and see things in the daylight. Last weekend of good daylight.
Went to my favorite non dairy treat shop and got some yummy dreamy chocolate chip fudge ice cream. Being non dairy, treats that taste good are rare, so I gave myself a treat today.
#chronic pain #Distract me #breast cancer survivor, seasonal affective, #Depression #Fibromyalgia , #positive thought of the Day, self care, #Anxiety , #Forgotten ,#invisible illness,

I want to thank all the mighties that have wished me Happy Birthday 🎁🎉,!
Signing off mighties

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Community Voices

Friday night

Busy but productive day 😉.
My last day @ "69"! . Tomorrow the day before Halloween starts a new chapter @ "70"! I penned a phrase today ,
My wick is still burning 🥵, just flickers sometimes 😂!
The many aches n pains in my body remind me that I'm not not as young as I used to be but I keep on ticking! 👍.
#chronic pain, #Fibromyalgia , #Distract me, #check in with me, #Bipolar , #seasonal affective ,## happy light, #breast cancer survivor -17 yrs, ##positive thought of the Day,
Be mighty everyone this weekend.

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Community Voices

Managed to get to my PT appt

My caregiver came back today for few hours and oh my goodness was I glad!
#anxiett Y was brewing this morning.
Been managing lots of idle time this week.
#chronic pain #Distract me #positive thoughts #check in with me #using grounding techniques and distraction techniques to get through the week ##breast cancer survivor,#seasonal affective ##Drinking lots of water #
Getting ready to watch some TV and relax.
Signing off mighties

Community Voices

Wonderful Wednesday

My caregiver was gone today cuz husband had surgery yesterday morning. I managed fairly well, cooked some chicken dish, then got ready for monthly visits from both my nurses
#Fibromyalgia , #chronic pain, # positive thoughts for the day, #Distract me, #check in with me, #Bipolar ,#Anxiety flashbacks, #breast cancer survivor-17 yrs, #every day fighter, ##Never GIVE UP, #enjot the moment,
Time to relax and enjoy world Series game. Signing off mighties.

Community Voices

Thursday 10-21-21

Busy morning but productive!
Made an pear- apple crisp and some broccoli slaw salad.
#chronic pain, #check in with me, #dustraction techniques and grounding techniques for flashbacks, # bipolar #Fibromyalgia , #lots of inflammation throughout my body. #breast cancer survivor, seasonal affective, trauma survivor,,##daily reflections and journal.
Signing off.

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Community Voices
Community Voices

Sunday delight!

No chores today 😂😂😊!
#chronic pain, #Flashbacks , #Bipolar , #check in with me, #Distract me, #grounding techniques, #Fibromyalgia ,#good n bad energy,#breast cancer survivor, #seasonal affective , #happy light,
Watched sports on TV as a distraction of my flashbacks, gonna color some today, fed my hummingbirds and greased the pole to keep ants away! Took a walk to the store and back. Grateful for a calm and safe day!
Good night.

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