Panic Attacks

Had a very tiring journey... Last night, I had a horrible mental breakdown... Something that led me feel so vulnerable and helpless.. All I was feeling I can't live like this.. Being miserable... I hate this... There is a painful story.. I know I am not supposed to feel like that... But,unfortunately I am being forced to feel like that.. To find myself miserable... For no reasons.. My own family members made me feel like that.. That’s unfortunate.. For them for breaking me mentally.. I have been dealing with Major depressive disorder and extreme anxiety, panic attacks and many more.. I was barely 18 at that time.. Alone away from my home,my family.. It took me a lot to reach for help.. I grew in a place where mental health matters almost nothing... It’s so scary.. Yeah, so I have always been a bright student.. It affected my life.. My study life.. Eventually leading me to take a year break.. It’s not permanent.. I am healing trying my best.. But, they made it so complicated.. It’s crazy.. My therapist always tells me you have avoidance tendency.. I know I do.. Cause that's the only way to protect myself.. I got badly yelled at for something I didn’t even do.. I have a bad relationship with my father due to all these.. Sometimes, it’s overwhelming.. It’s toxic... Don’t know how to decribe it.. Last night, I cried badly.. Couldn't sleep... The journey was hectic.. And, meeting some people was awkward... All these are causing me feeling tired and depressed... Sometimes, it’s so tiring.. Guess I need to work on all these.. #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #MajorDepressiveDisorder

Oversharing does all the blunders... Yeah... I have always seen whenever I got extreme vulnerable and I tried to share, it led me to extreme despair.. Yes,that's exactly what it did.. I don’t know but as a person with depression and anxiety, there are just so many insecurities... Along with self- guilt... At one point,the feeling just hits so badly... Like I feel so guilty for everything I didn’t do.. It was not my fault but I blame myself.. It’s an instinct I feel when you are not doing okay.. Then,you try to share with someone, they just keep finding your faults and start to blame you.. This leads extremes... That’s what happened to me today... It led to my sudden panic attack and I hurt myself during that... I even slapped myself for which I feel guilty now... Cause all you have is yourself and the blames, you put on yourself.. One thing I have noticed it gets really difficult to deal other health issues with this.. The extreme fear,anxiety and all... Probably, everyone just says you are doing too much... But, I can say it’s not... Only we understand who are going through all this.. The vulnerability hits badly.. You don’t have this stability... Well, I am trying to work on this... To have this stability and I am pretty hopeful.. It gets really difficult... I got skin problems.. It’s not like I have it now.. I have been going through this from my childhood.. It’s not something to be really bothered as my family thinks.. But, that's not the truth.. I have been bothered.. It scares me.. With the guilt, I am going through so much.. I can't... It’s a scary feeling.. Suddenly, my depression got severe... Then, others imposing me with their more guilts as if I wasn’t dealing with enough led to my worse panic attack... Now, I feel there should be a healthy boundary of sharing... You can't make everyone understand.. You know what to do, so do that... Also, I feel bad for hurting myself... I am trying to work on this... And,being more compassionate towards... Yeah, that's the goal... #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PanicAttack

Oversharing does all the blunders... Yeah... I have always seen whenever I got extreme vulnerable and I tried to share, it led me to extreme despair.. Yes,that's exactly what it did.. I don’t know but as a person with depression and anxiety, there are just so many insecurities... Along with self- guilt... At one point,the feeling just hits so badly... Like I feel so guilty for everything I didn’t do.. It was not my fault but I blame myself.. It’s an instinct I feel when you are not doing okay.. Then,you try to share with someone, they just keep finding your faults and start to blame you.. This leads extremes... That’s what happened to me today... It led to my sudden panic attack and I hurt myself during that... I even slapped myself for which I feel guilty now... Cause all you have is yourself and the blames, you put on yourself.. One thing I have noticed it gets really difficult to deal other health issues with this.. The extreme fear,anxiety and all... Probably, everyone just says you are doing too much... But, I can say it’s not... Only we understand who are going through all this.. The vulnerability hits badly.. You don’t have this stability... Well, I am trying to work on this... To have this stability and I am pretty hopeful.. It gets really difficult... I got skin problems.. It’s not like I have it now.. I have been going through this from my childhood.. It’s not something to be really bothered as my family thinks.. But, that's not the truth.. I have been bothered.. It scares me.. With the guilt, I am going through so much.. I can't... It’s a scary feeling.. Suddenly, my depression got severe... Then, others imposing me with their more guilts as if I wasn’t dealing with enough led to my worse panic attack... Now, I feel there should be a healthy boundary of sharing... You can't make everyone understand.. You know what to do, so do that... Also, I feel bad for hurting myself... I am trying to work on this... And,being more compassionate towards... Yeah, that's the goal... #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PanicAttack