Pathetic

I feel like such a pathetic loser. I used to love my job. Found so much joy in doing it and working hard for my family. Now I can barely get myself to punch in every morning. I hate the responsibility. I can't stay focused. I am always anxious and counting down the minutes until I can go crawl back into bed. My family relies on me to supply the insurance and my income is more than needed, but I just find I can't keep up the same pace I could before and I feel so ashamed that my mental state puts this limit on me and I think I should be able to push through, but that only seems to be making it worse... I feel like a failure and that I'm letting everyone down. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

People here are #Pathetic or am I being ridiculously not # empathetic to #whining today? Is it only me? Going ahead, hate.

With my age and the time of slowing down and reflection, it hurts the most of how little I have done to commit to making something out of myself. I still don't know how and it's suffocating.

another day I couldn’t face going to work, I’m such a failure I can’t do anything anymore. I just want to give up. I’m a waste of life 😭
#Pathetic #worthless

I knew when I woke up yesterday that it was going to be really hard to get through the day. Once I got off work I was invited to get a drink. Going against my gut feeling of “I should go home. I shouldn’t be drinking. I’m not in a good headspace to drink.” - but I went out and I drank. Now, I don’t think I’m an alcoholic. I do think that I’m a majorly depressive person who shouldn’t drink when I’m really feeling that depression.

I woke up today not only with a hangover but with an epic amount of shame. Thinking how much I hate myself, why can’t I change? Why can’t I be a halfway stable person who doesn’t come home and cry about how they hope one day they just won’t wake up? I swirl around in my head about how I’m sure everyone around me just puts up with me. That no one truly cares.

I couldn’t leave the house. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. I could hardly get out of bed or even drink water. So often I ask myself, if this is what my life is going to be like, what’s the point? #Depression #Shame #ugly #Worthlessness #Pathetic

I feel like I’m such a mess! I don’t feel like I can handle life - not even the simplest things. And I don’t feel like I can tell anyone I know about it because they won’t understand. I used to be able to handle life (and I had a LOT more going on then!) and I wouldn’t have been able to understand how I feel now. I feel like I can’t breathe and absolutely everything is just too much. I’m a big mess.

I have been dating a really wonderful guy for about 4 months now. We met in college and got to see each other almost every day. We are lucky and both realized what a luxury it was. But now school is out and we're both away-- he is staying an hour away from me for a month then going home (4.5 hours away). I have been lucky enough to get to see him on the weekends but I still miss him so much that I feel like I can't possibly make it to the next weekend without him and my depression has been worse than it has been since I met him. (So bad Im worried Ill scare him off even though he understands).

Here’s a shameful little secret...I book massage therapy appointments simply to satisfy the need for human touch #Depression #lonely #Pathetic