Too Much Drama
Too Much Drama
Physically sick, so much pain, I feel like I can't go on
#Bursitis #Osteoarthritis #Epilepsy #Scleroderma #Weak leg muscles #balance issues
When do you swallow your pride and start using a cane? Have fallen several times in last year, latest being today. Weak muscles due to atrophy because of pain from bursitis in hip and, I suspect, side effect from Keppra. I’m still working, though, teaching school and don’t want to see pitying looks from coworkers and kids. I’m thinking it’s time before I get seriously hurt but am really struggling with it. Any thoughts or similar experiences?
As a "mother" of one I am not sure what to do? My son 11 is living with his biological father and step Mum and has been for the past 2 and a half years as I couldn't cope with him at all from up the age of around 8 and a half years old. Now the lock down is over I have no excuse but I partly don't want to due to his resistance of meeting me (like always) its not because I've ever been horrible I feel its because he has got comfortable there and his family dont approve of me because of their religion. I have tried many times in the past to and even went to court 2 years ago, but it didnt help much as they would all wait till I nearly got down there to make up a excuse like he is ill or had emergency dentist treatment, its a funeral of someone's today for the 100th time out of the blue and or that we are busy as something has come up. I try messaging my son but he dont respond, he dont like the mode of transport that is used eg bus as it takes time but he still don't like travelling much and because of his religion now he dont want to be seen with me in his home town.
I try tempting him down with nice things to do but his well off family go on holiday once a year anyway. My son wants any gifts sent through the post to. Sometimes I wish I'd never got pregnant as it would be easier, it would be easier overall to leave him to live his life there unless he says by text or phone he does want to see me when I suggest it. I dont want to force him?
There is no talking to the family as they never want to talk , I've only ever spoken occasionally through the biological father which he is well known for lying over the smallest of things in all areas non stop.
I am quite weak so the stress of the family there is making me feel down all of this week, pretty weak and pathetic right?
How do you live, knowing that one day your mom is going to die? It might not be tomorrow or the day after..but one day she will no longer be here.
You know when you’re not holding on anymore but you haven’t finished falling yet so you’re just in the middle free falling..
yeah that’s been me for the last year.
Scratching and clawing at the air around me desperate for something to hang on to.
Desperate for something to give me that bit of breathe you take when you come up for air when you swim.
Desperate for that warm feeling, that there’s life inside my soul.
Desperate for that spark, that feeling of love again.
I don’t know when it will come. I can’t even remember the tiny glimpses I have had because it’s got so lost in the constant never ending drama that is my life.
I thought they said things come in three’s?
For me it never stops. Every incident or travesty just rolls into the next one.
I keep pushing forward through my day to day life like someone’s hit a button and pushed me into automatic. I’m on complete auto-pilot.
People keep telling me how strong I must be for keep getting up and keep on keeping on, but I don’t feel strong, I feel weaker then ever because Im the only one who knows I’m not in control anymore.
I have been dating a really wonderful guy for about 4 months now. We met in college and got to see each other almost every day. We are lucky and both realized what a luxury it was. But now school is out and we're both away-- he is staying an hour away from me for a month then going home (4.5 hours away). I have been lucky enough to get to see him on the weekends but I still miss him so much that I feel like I can't possibly make it to the next weekend without him and my depression has been worse than it has been since I met him. (So bad Im worried Ill scare him off even though he understands).
I believe it's related to change in weather. Literally nothing can wake me. Missed work and chiropractor massage today. Finally became coherent after non stop sleeping 16 hours but still exhausted, vertigo, crying, trouble speaking and expressing thoughts. I take calcium channel blockers daily but weather changes have caused this to happen 6 times this month. I'm at a loss. Is it the fibro fog, the vestibular migraines, the stress, depression? Usually can't sleep when you have fibro but I've been having what I call comatose episodes weekly.