I don’t think I know anyone who didn’t have some sort of major upheaval in their lives in the past 10 years. That’s living, right? No one gets out unscathed. In the past 10 years, I have moved 6 times, gotten divorced, been diagnosed with PMDD, had vertebrae in my neck fused, made some amazing new friends, grown closer to my best friends, lost loved ones, bought a house, sold a house, built a house, fallen in love, had the most amazing job of my life, and so much more. But one of the most defining moments of the past decade for me happened four years ago.

That’s when my daughter was diagnosed as having Autism, ADHD, and a generalized anxiety disorder. If Autism still had categories, she would be classified as having Asperger’s and Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndromes.

It was A LOT to swallow.

She is my only child and I had always known she was "difficult". She is very literal, often unable to understand social conventions, subject to outbursts and meltdowns that can be shocking, and she desperately needs to be in control of pretty much every situation.

But she is also incredibly bright, hyperverbal, extremely creative, bitingly funny, and quirky.

I don’t know exactly what it’s like to BE my daughter, but I can share some of the things that make life different for her. She has acute anxiety every day. It’s not always visible because she is learning to adapt, but it is always there. Anything that is “not the same”, overstimulation, everyday demands – all of these things can and do cause her to act impulsively and lash out in anger. She takes EVERYTHING personally and is often quite sure that no one on the planet likes her.

Feeling like she has no control over a situation – whether that be going to a new place, meeting new people, or feeling like she isn’t being heard or taken seriously – can cause some of her biggest panic attacks. These look like outbursts/tantrums/meltdowns complete with screaming and threats, but they are truly panic attacks and require a completely different approach to diffusing than an actual tantrum would (sorry to all the teachers that had her in class before we figured this out).

She puts up with parents and step-parents who are struggling to understand her and who continuously get it wrong.

But every day we are learning. We are learning what her triggers are. We are learning when to hold on tightest and when to loosen our grip. We are learning how to help her navigate a world that is always “yelling” at her. We are learning how to bring people into her world. Most importantly, we are learning how to not take any of it personally either. That’s the hardest one I think.

I’m writing this because she permitted me to do so – weeks ago in fact. She’s not ashamed or afraid of her diagnosis anymore. She wants to learn more about herself. She wants to help other kids and families who might be having a rough time. I can't think of a better time to start than now.

#Autism #Aspergers #pathologicaldemandavoidance #raisinga #neurodivergent