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#Anxiety #hypervigilant
I have an appt with my neurologist today and my anxiety started slowly days ago, but it's here. It's not the Dr's office, it's the ability to get myself together best I can, because of heat sensitive and anxiety, I sweat and stay hot, and then it's the actual leaving my room, I just figured out(my only safe place) and then it's leaving my house, and being able to make it

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I'm turning 65 next month, and just yesterday they added ASD (Autism) to my permanent medical record.

I've written before about how I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for a few decades, and the therapies and various prescription medicines never helped me. In fact, they nearly killed me.

In my last year on the meds, I got lithium toxicity, and was rushed to a trauma center a hundred miles from home, and spent a week in ICU. That was the autumn of 2021, and I am still recovering now in February 2023.

Yesterday I saw my third psychiatrist in a row who told me I had never been bipoloar, but I am Autistic. This time he put it all on paper, and entered it into my medical records. I guess that means it's official. Or maybe 'I' am official? Nah. I'm still just me.

I never had an inkling that I might be Autistic before sometime last summer, when I read a story in The Mighty by someone who found out accidentally that she was Autistic while she was having one of her children tested and assessed. When she described her life and her challenges, she sounded to me like she was describing my own life.

From that point onward, I started reading everything that I could get my hands on about the Autism Spectrum.

Then there were the internet tests, the books with tests, and finally talking to doctors and to Autistics.

Eventually, I was convinced beyond any reason of a doubt that I myself was, and am Autistic. Thereafter, I brought it up with my psychiatrist, and it took off from there.

That brings me back to yesterday, and the third psychiatrist to agree, and who added it into my medical record.

Now if I can get my General Practitioner to remove the bipolar label from my record there, I will feel like I can finally relax a little.

I don't have a problem with bipolar in itself. I just have a major problem with being misdiagnosed for decades and spending the bulk of my money on therapy and prescriptions that kept me physically exhausted and in a heavy mental fog for decades, and didn't help me in any way. I feel like the majority of my life was wasted.

So to have the label removed from my records is removing a constant painful reminder of all the life that I missed in my youth and middle age.

I am going to spend the rest of my years as a happy, grateful Autistic old dude. Peace be with you all.

#Autistic #actuallyautistic #audhd #ADHD #Autism #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismAcceptance #Stimming #Dysgraphia #dyscalcula #pathologicaldemandavoidance #PDA #AutisticInertia #AutisticBurnout
#EFD #ExecutiveFunctionDisorder #executivedysfunction #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria #RSD
#ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #rad #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MDD #Dysthymia #Specialinterest
#Hyperfocus #hypervigilant #SensoryOverstimulation #SensoryIssues #SensoryPain


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After #ECT

What do you do when your brain still screams? Before you may have known why…or what it was screaming.

Now though, it’s…blurred. It’s static and still at the same time. There is a block between you and whatever it is.

When you look at the block it’s just plain grey. But you can see a little of what’s behind the block, it glows in different colors and you can tell there is an alarm sounding behind the block.

Your heart skips a beat. Your brain…you can tell something is wrong yet you cannot figure out what it is.

The Doctors say that you are fine and everything will continue to get better after the #ECT with time.

…you don’t feel fine. At least before you knew what it was. Now there is just a big grey block between you and what it is. Your body picks up on it but you…can’t.



Too much thinking

I've been feeling on high alert since getting really triggered by my therapist a few weeks ago and not having the tools I needed to feel safe. My brother's family wants me to spend a few days over Christmas with them and as I think about the various traditions we'll likely participate in, I keep getting triggered. Everything about the holidays just feels unsafe to me this year - the carols, the smells, the dressing up, the classic movies, the church service, etc. I'm supposed to be sleeping right now, but every time I try to let myself drift off, something else comes to mind and I jerk awake again. Thankfully my work shift got cancelled for the morning.

#Upallnight #Christmas #Trauma #triggered #hypervigilant


New here

My nervous system is on high alert. My days are struggled with fear. Every sight. Every move. Every sound. It’s a nightmare. Unable to relax. Tossing and turning all night from nightmares. Waking up and the day starts all over again. My home life was not kind. Now I’m on my own and struggling with this monster under my skin. Anyone else here deal with hyper vigilance? I’ve been told I don’t meet the criteria for PTSD, however, the outcome nonetheless remains the same. As I said, I’m new here and curious about what similar experiences others here have had. Thanks, D. #Anxiety #Hypervigilance #hypervigilant #Fear #New


After so many #decadesdenials (#itsafamthing )#IOWNBIPOLAR

I am a woman of contradictions. I'm okay with that. I've suffered many losses from many causes. Today's topic is: #enlightenment
The type that you possess within you but may not make itself known until the proper aspects your universe move into #alignment and suddenly your body and mind welcome you to #Awareness ! My feelings on such situations (since #Iamnotincontrol ) is #dearlordwhatlooparewegoingthrunooooow ? Along with #ohnohurryitup and #alltheusual wishful thinkin's. Well, dramatic intro aside, I deep down, truly, [despite official diagnosis at age 19] and the #familyhistory just did jot want to believe I was #Bipolar . But today I finally could no longer unintentionally deny that I have been repeatedly #Manic so manic times over the past years.

It may seem odd that I am a functioning (use of that word here is questionable :) ) mostly accepting previously #BipolarTypeII ... But, I look at it with some apparent clarity and I see the storied tales of bipolar starlets of the golden age... The age of the #manicdepressive , #doll 💄💎. My family does not like to accept with any emotion, illness. Which does not go well with a #HighlysensitivePerson , or #HSP . I am #hypervigilant and also an #empath . An #empath is a being who is extra sensitive to their environment, some people are able to sense more in certain areas than other persons but these gifts are very draining on the person who has them. They cannot be turned on or off, however people can try to learn #tactics to help them deal with the #negative effects. Back to bipolar!

I am still feeling like I am in shock. I feel fairly alone in this aside from some new special friends of mine I met recently. I also have a #RareDisease which causes me daily pain and degradation of my joints/spine with no cure. My story is a big one. I would love to tell everyone out there. I am just in a situation... Jeez! Lol.

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