Pleasedontjudgeme

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These past few days I've been thinking a lot my bad experience when I was young...I was around maybe 8-10y/o? Really not sure.. anyway so this how it goes...

When I was that age I usually go out and go to my cousins house to play..we usually watched Tom & Jerry on their living room.. all I can remember from this is that one or maybe 4 or 5 (really can't remember how many times)...their father would call me to sit on his lap..ofc I am just a child so I would go to sit since I know he is my uncle..then I remembered how he will put one of my hand inside his blue checkered boxer shorts (I have memories of some things, we all do as a child right) and he will hold me and guide me on how I should touch it...then he will put his hands inside mine and will play on it (Ofc I already know what it was all called now I am 23y/o) Since I'm very young that time I really don't have any idea what he's doing on me, if it's right or wrong #Pleasedontjudgeme I really forgot how many times it happens but as I grew up and I am finally getting into my senses and knowing already what's right or wrong then there's the last time where he did that to me and I when I got home as I'm taking a bath, I want to cry and thinking what have I done, I am afraid of how my aunt will react to what his husband did to me and she's a PWD that I am concern also. So I didn't tell anybody..I didn't tell my parents because I'm afraid of any trouble or whatever between our families... I just never go back to their house and play with my cousins anymore..

As time goes by, ofc I am forgetting it even just for awhile... but everytime I'm seeing him I always begin to think if he remembered what he did to me..Thinking if I should tell my mom..but I just always try to disregard it... then these past few days we usually sit outside their house with other cousins to talk and you know just a bonding time..I know that he's not there cuz of work so it'll be okay with me but there's a time I can see him there so it affects me again..especially now that I know what he did to me was wrong and he abuse my innocent mind. But I still don't know if I should open up to my mom, still I don't want to cause any trouble or any problem between our families especially I know that he has 2 daughters now and I feel pity on my aunt that's PWD.. :(((( #SexualAbuse #Molested #ChildAbuse

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Leah

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@leahpagano

pleasemakeitstop 4y

My Internal Guild Battle for my children #

My thought and guilt get in the way more that I should allow. The fear that my children will eventually be told that the reason they were taken away TWICE was because there Mothers overpowering addiction. How do I answer their questions if they ever google my name. Or someone tells them about me being arrested . I’m working so hard and have clean 13 months (as of yesterday)!!! I have one of my boys back and the other will be home soon. But home is in a shelter for now. I just got a job again last month after trying for MONTHS and couldn’t find anything. I was hitting one wall after the next and I finally feel like I’m climbing to the surface. But will all the wonderful things happening; I cry myself to sleep every night in hopes my 9 year old won’t hear me. I feel like I ruined their lives because they have been taken away by ACS for the 2 Nd time since March of 2017. How does someone let that happen.? Drugs is a NIGHTMARE that never goes away unless I work really hard and make a daily choice. I just want the pain to stop and keep moving forward. I have really accomplished so much but I’m so sad , depressed and GUILT takes control of my mind..... #pleasemakeitstop #help #Pleasedontjudgeme
#Addiction #MomGuilt

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helpneeded 5y

What’s an alternative for cutting?

I'm not a cutter and I don’t want to start either. My mom and I keep fighting and my dad is trying to snake his way back into my life. I’m stressed about my school work and I just can’t. It’s just so hard but I have a little sister who pays attention to my life and emotions so she knows if something is wrong. My older sister used to cut and I don’t want my little sister asking me why I have cuts on my arm like I asked my older sister. I just don’t know what to do. #helpneeded #helplessness #Cutting #cutter #MightyQuestions #Depression #question #questions #Pleasedontjudgeme #pleasehelp

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Imagoodperson 5y

I’m trapped inside my own body .... No1 can hear me #Trapped #no one can hear me #iwant2live

Last night ‘the dark’ entered my head... it was so bad but I remember very little...
I remember my 6 yo asking me if I was alright and I was talking to her trying to answer but nothing came out, I was being held prisoner in my own head and being told really horrible nasty things about me... at one stage the urge to plunge a knife through my heart was so clear I somehow managed to throw it across the room... but in the morning the reality was that I had already butchered my arm...
I don’t want to end my life but I’m starting to feel like the dark will take over one day and I will never feel anything ever again
#Imagoodperson #Pleasedontjudgeme

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My Internal Guild Battle for my children #

What’s an alternative for cutting?

I’m trapped inside my own body .... No1 can hear me #Trapped #no one can hear me #iwant2live

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