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When depression and anxiety make me feel liking giving up.

Hi everyone! I often read posts on The Mighty and appreciate them all, but I don't often actively interact or post my own stories. Today I'm, for the first time feeling so hopeless and helpless that I'm thinking that not existing at all is a serious option. While I've denied having passive suicidal ideations, I'm pretty sure that is what I'm experiencing. I've dealt pretty effectively with all the things that get me down, but I contemplate my extreme financial strains, lack of an in-person support network, facing my rent going up, and wondering how in the world I'm going to take care of needed car repairs, having enough food (since my benefits were cut from $280 to $71 per month), and dealing with extreme feelings of isolation...I'm for the first time thinking ceasing to exist is an option. And I'm scared. I'm sixty-eight years old, barely living on SS income, and feeling completely isolated and alone...and I just don't know how to handle it.

I've been prescribed an antidepressant, which I will begin taking today...but that isn't helping my feelings of desperation and anger that our systems are so broken, or that there is little help for so many of us. Trying to deal with the red tape and confusing process to apply for subsidized housing...and then seeing just how long it may take to get anywhere with that...with extensive waitlist times and how overwhelmed the system is, is just adding to my current state of not knowing what to do, or how much longer I can keep up any semblance of a happy face or keep my anger and frustration from spilling over into every aspect of my life.

I've even been considering admitting myself into a hospital for help to get me through this...but that is a bit horrifying all by itself. What does one do when help seems so out of reach and so complicated to acquire? I'm seeing a psychiatrist...which is helpful, and my medication doctor (who I have to go through for medication help) seems coldly distant and often unhelpful...which doesn't deal with or help my daily feelings of hopelessness and helplessness when I'm by myself and alone with my thoughts and frustrations. Any advice from the community will be much appreciated.#Depression #Anxiety #hopelessness #helplessness #Sleep #Loss #Isolation #Pain

Thank you!


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What to do these feelings...? I haven't got social relationships and the most of the time I'm at home alone and don't know what to do. I often feel and suffer from something emptiness and helplessness inside me and the outer world. I feel that not mean even whatever happen. I just want to things pass... the whole life. Perhaps I'll never be happy. I don't enjoy anything and I don't know how to tie my mind with something. Intermittently I have success in it, but after then it seems it was just a distraction and everything lost their values. I know the trouble that I haven't got goals. But more precisely I have that goals, just can't reach it. I know that I have to find meaning in life and come out from this isolation, but don't know how. I'm 29 years old and never had a GF. I were at a dozen of psychologist and psychiatrist, but none of them worked.

How to fill this inner void once and for all? I see that chocolate and other sweet things is not working...

#Emptiness #helplessness #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Loneliness


Is normal real?

Im at a loss here. It seems no matter how hard I try to put it into words no one seems to understand it. Some say I’m exaggerating or actually recklessly for attention but in reality i have no control over my actions when I’m going through a manic episode. I wish I could save money but when I’m in an episode I seem to forget that I have responsibilities. I wish I was able to complete simple household chores without having to keep reminding myself to finish my task first and then move onto another. I wish I could be in a relationship without self sabotaging myself. The thing no one seems to understand is I don’t purposely do these things to make it difficult for myself. Often times I don’t even remember anything I do or say after a manic episode. I want to be “normal” but the harder I try to reach that goal the more it difficult it becomes. I wish I could get them to understand. Why doesn’t anyone understand? #helplessness #lost

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Rejection #Depression #lonely #helplessness

Once upon a time I was a girl whom everyone wanted to be around with. Now coz of my personal n private life everyone whom I thought are my besties are now even ashamed to be with me. I feel so ignored and rejected. This feeling is killing me.

The inner critic of mine is not letting me have any hope in my life. I couldn’t be a good daughter, good wife or even a good mother. I couldn’t keep anyone happy. I couldn’t keep myself happy atleast. I have euined my own life. Feels like I don’t have any purpose to be alive.

It’s been years now I am craving for a normal life. I have to see the same people everyday who behaves as if I am invisible. It hurts to be treated so badly. All I ask is for a smile. Anything or anyone I see I feel like they are taunting me, coz that’s how bad people are treating me. My husband doesn’t understand my feelings. He doesn’t even have a ear or a heart for any of my words.

I had to be a role model for my kids. I failed miserably in that. I feel how cursed they are to be my daughters. They always see me cry. Most of the times when they need me I will be in bed. Dark room, bed and a blanket is all I want. I am tired. Tired of running away from people, from my own thoughts, from my problems. I just want to go away forever to the eternal world where I believe no pain or shame exist. Hate this lonely life.


3:44am pained thoughts #CPTSD #helplessness

The republicans and potus are murderers. And I can’t do anything about it. I can’t only reach out to friends and family and cry and play video games and cry and practice self care and cry and lie in bed and cry.

I’m a survivor of childhood trauma resulting in CPTSD & now this.

Telehealth session with my therapist on Tuesday. I’m having a hard time believing this is actually happening. I don’t even think Trump wants us to die. I don’t think that thought even gets that far. Doesn’t compute. His beliefs are rock solid, beyond reproach in his own mind. All these people who offer up sound solutions or even try to present an alternative are therefore not only being unheard, but never even get past the wall in his head. Again, they don’t compute because the information simply isn’t getting through.

As such, don’t waste your energy trying.

As far as the rest of the GOP: surely some of them recognize the importance of the USPS? Even if a healthy USPS would mean more mail in votes, and nobody thrives on voter suppression like republicans. They want Trump to be reelected for their own status quo...doing what’s right for the American people be damned.

I’ve signed petitions, contacted senators and our governor and our AG before she was governor, countless news outlets...I’ve never felt so helpless except maybe when I was a child.

So these are the 3:44 in the morning thoughts and feelings of someone (me) who needs to accept what I can’t change.

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I’m drowning..... #Depression #hopelessness #helplessness

This is an analogy I’ve experieced so many times in my life as far back as I can remember. That I’ve been left stranded inter middle of an emotional ocean.

I’ve learned that it’s made up of so many confusing emotions that I struggle to understand and do not know where mine begin and end in relation to those around me. I’m learning that is what early developmental.......emotional neglect trauma/abuse.....CPTSD has created in me. To make me disconnect, dissociate from my sense of self.

I’ve been treading water for so long. I sometimes feel like I get close to land to grab on and try to drag myself out. I get to rest for awhile but I’m continually dragged back in and drift away from the shore and lose sight of land for days, weeks, years at a time.

The really sad thing is family and friends are on the shore occasionally watching me struggle and instead of being understanding and supportive they are just yelling criticisms and judgements of why I don’t get my act together to get myself out of my predicament.


Still Feeling Weird #Miscarriage

I miscarried and even though I’ve stopped bleeding I’m still sad, and weirdly feel empty. I know it was early on and so many women have it happen tragically later in pregnancy but I can’t help but feel sad. I feel like I am empty and I’m still emotional even though my hormones are stabilizing. #helplessness #Anxiety #emotional #Depression #ChronicIlless


I am scared that I might need dentures or “work towards” no teeth? I am scared

What do you do when you have the most minimal dental coverage but need much much more #scared #Poverty #Fear }#BiliaryAtresia #IfYouFeelHopeless #DistractMe #BiliaryAtresia Is #helplessness

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A helpless helper

But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
Matthew 19:26

It took me 8 years to get my master's degree and my professional license. I worked for 8 years in my field. I was at work one day and then not. I found myself applying for FMLA and when the 6 weeks that were approved were over I quit. Eight years of my life, work, heartache, and money down the drain. That sure made my depression worse.

Here I am over eight months later. I had my counseling session yesterday. My therapist made the comment that a helper has to accept their helplessness. I'm a trained and licensed helper. It goes against my very nature to accept the fact that I can't help everyone. But to be able to help others I must accept that I can't help everyone. I'm not sure I can do that. How does a helper accept that they can't help everyone?

#Depression #helpingothers #nocontrol #TheBible #Godisincontrol #helplessness

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