mom guilt

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    Struggling to be validated by Drs & feeling SO fed up. Chronic, rare Autoimmune Symptoms; I know it's Behcets. Looking for specialist in CA, US.

    Short run down. Chronic strep throat as child. Tonsils removed. Allergic to strain of strep in 6th grade...almost killed me. Never regained "normal" health. On and off horrid joint pain, pain in eyes, multiple Derm diagnoses, chronic inflammation, chronic insomnia, asthma, then Arthritis, Bursitis, Depression, Anxiety, lost weight then gained over & over, pregnancy very painful and high risk. Spinal Stenosis, Sciatica, Anemia. Got pregnant again & was even worse. Thankful for 2 healthy kids, but Momma is not healthy. I'm 47 now. Labeled with Fibromyalgia but no treatment. Need to be back on pain meds but bc I stopped (MY choice), years ago Drs don't want me back on them. I have done so much research and I KNOW I have Behçet's Disease. Looking for somewhere to go in the US for the validation & proper treatment. 20+ years of struggling invisibly (until huge sores all over neck & head in May 2022). Currently on evil Prednisone, Colchicine, Mobic. Rheumatologist taking too long to have me jump through all of her hoops. Any advice appreciated 💜
    #BehcetsDisease #MomGuilt #ChronicDepression #chronicinflammation #Insomniac #Anxiety #Arthritis #Divorce #PTSD

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    A New Reality in Mom Stress

    The postpartum period after delivering a baby is a little over a year, yet we are told often we are supposed to ‘bouncing back’ to normal after 3 months.

    The old ways of viewing postpartum causes stress to new moms, with 15% - 20% experiencing debilitating symptoms.

    Postpartum stress syndrome is a step below postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety in terms of severity.

    “While postpartum stress syndrome can create feelings of anxiety that are unsettling, these feelings do not impede her ability to function or get through the day,”

    Yet, the rise of postpartum stress and depression is on the rise, especially since the beginning of the pandemic in 2020.

    What is going on, and what can we do about it ?

    First, we were doing too much before the pandemic, at least many were. Mothers and caregivers especially felt the stress post COVID 19 with working jobs and then managing childcare or school in the home.

    Second, we are adding to the increasing challenges by maintaining the old ways of life and trying to ‘return to normal.” Except, our world isn’t like it was. Women are expected to work as though they don’t have kids, raise children as if they don’t work, and live in a way that resembles a child-free life.

    Instead I ask you to honor where you are in your life, especially if you have younger kids under the age of 5. Cut yourself a lot of slack and know this reality isn’t forever.

    If you want to “challenge” yourself, ask yourself how you can enjoy moments to yourself, manage your stress, and be present with what is. There are many techniques to help you in 10 minutes or less.

    The more we all push back as moms and caretakers, the sooner we can all move towards a new way of being; one where we feel more balanced and not torn in multiple directions.

    #postpartum #PostpartumAnxiety #newmom #AutoimmuneDisease #LymeDisease #Stress #Anxiety #PostpartumDepression #mom #MomGuilt #AdrenalFatigue #AddisonsDisease #Pregnancy

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    Taking a little break and I feel GUILTY

    I just came back from vacation with my 10 year old. I think anyone would agree that vacationing alone with children is not super relaxing.

    It was a nice trip. Although we did have a boating accident and I’m not the best swimmer, so it was a bit traumatic. Saturday we stayed in, Sunday I was able to take him to the pool, monday I literally did nothing. Tuesday I mustered up strength to go to his baseball game. But I am so burnt out. I feel exhausted. I haven't worked much (I work for myself) and haven't opened my store.

    I spoke to my therapist and she said that it sounds like I need a break. So yesterday I called my sons dad and asked if he could keep him last night (I didn't even go to my son's game and I never miss them) and tonight. He agreed after giving me HELLLL.

    So here I am. Feeling guilty I am not working. That I am a terrible mom. Worthless. And I can't even take a break because my mind is filled with all these terrible thoughts. I feel like I need a vacation. Not sure from what...

    Anyone else ever feel like this??

    #Anxiety #Depression #Guilt #MomGuilt #workguilt #worthless #Lazy

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    Hot Mess Express

    I am a guilt ridden mother of four, four and under. The two oldest are twins! Yea I know - my hands are abundantly full. There is WAY more to them but I am beyond tired to even get into that. On top of their own needs I am struggling to meet (and feel like I am failing gloriously). . I am a blender of emotion, whirring at full speed with my lid bursting off spewing my contents everywhere at any moment that is most inconvenient.

    I am also newly diagnosed with Bipolar II and all the fabulous things that go with it - like endless dark never ending days of exhaustive depression, bursts of rage, hypomania and debilitating anxiety. I was misdiagnosed with BPD, major depressive disorder and anxiety for over 20yrs. I am now trying to get "my sea legs" with this rush of emotion and feelings that my old medication blocked. I am learning each new day about my illness, about me and what I can and cannot do.

    I cannot even imagine the thought that one or more of my children will probably go through this. I am on a constant high alert looking for signs, through their already numerous symptoms for other diagnoses to see if my Bipolar II is showing through. They aren't even five yet and this is a constant worry and out right fear. On top of my incredible Mom guilt and the numerous ways I am "ruining then" with my insane emotions to put it simply.

    I am a hot mess express but I am genuinely glad to have found .. here. Reading about others gives me hope that I too, can survive all of this. If I can survive this, I know if any or all of them, God forbid get this awful illness - they will too.

    #Bipolar2Disorder #Hypomania #Anxiety #MomGuilt #Depression #Hope

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    Nobody Warns You…

    Nobody warns you the fear and worry that motherhood brings. My child is delayed physically which means a lot of different things to a lot of different people and well I’m still figuring out what that means for me. I’m still processing, worrying, and trying to not think of the worst possible outcome, but it’s hard to not go there. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. Having someone ask me after telling me she is developing months behind, what goals do you have for your child? Ah to walk/develop on time, to thrive, to not struggle, to live a happy independent life. Or what do you hope for your child, are you kidding me? What kind of questions are these? And then when I respond with walking in the next 6 months, they look surprised and like that was a stupid answer. What did they expect me to say? Does this mean they don’t think that’s possible? What does being delayed this much really mean? The whys and the what’s, the not knowing. That’s one of the hardest parts Is not having the answers. Not knowing. Being clueless and hell I have a masters degree, little good that helps me with this. They don’t prepare you for the sadness that comes from not knowing, from worrying. They don’t prepare you for how you have to traumatize your child by physically holding them down on a table to get one blood test only to have it fail (aka they couldn’t find her vein but kept poking anyways) and have to go to another doctor to get another blood test done with an ultrasound (which is what they should’ve suggested in the first place). For then it to come back abnormal and make you wait 72 hours to find out why or what that means because they haven’t had time to look at it, well then why give me the notification of an abnormal test, is it just to make me sit here and worry? Ugh mothers worry enough as it is and then to have more thrown at you. Do medical processes for children even involve a parents perspective who’s been there before? The social worker in me is furious how not trauma informed medical care is especially for children. For gods sake when we had to go to the ER for a scary allergic reaction we got put in the isolation room for those at risk for harming themselves, no wonder my daughter associates negative emotions when seeing medical providers, we were in a cold room with nothing around while they poked her with needles, didn’t even try to make it silly or less scary, just poked her. Direct (don’t totally hate that with myself, but with a baby, come on). She literally cried every single time a person in scrubs came into the room. She’s only a baby, but she knows. Gosh it even triggered me. The social worker in me is pissed, the mom in me is scared, worried, and sad. #MomGuilt #delayed #Trauma #Anxiety #sad #Motherhood #MedicalTrauma

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    Mom Guilt OnOur First Family Vacation

    Since I started working, we have finally been having enough money to come in to just not be able to pay bills. So imagine my excitement when I planned my kids first trip ever to Sea World.

    I suffer from depression, anxiety, ADHD, and Bipolar (all diagnosed) so I had been making sure I was taking my meds accordingly so nothing ruined our first vacation.

    I had a full proof plan and schedule to fit as much “fun” in as possible. Interacting with the sting rays, dolphin show, orcha show, sea lion show, shark tour….

    But my anxiety took over. I felt like we were rushing the whole time barely getting time to have any fun.

    As much as I looked forward to the trip by the end of the day I was so exhausted from trying to make it perfect I was ready for it to be over and didn’t get to really enjoy their first time.

    Has anyone else ever had this problem? How do you recover from feeling like you ruined your vacation?

    #MomGuilt #Vacation #Family

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    Sophia baby girl

    A sweet bundle of joy wrapped in a pink blanket with a big bow over your forehead and pink tiny socks that still don’t fit those tiny feet. Born a 28 weeker but you made it strong girl. I couldn’t be any happier.
    It doesn't bother me staying up all night while your still awake not being able to fall asleep
    Getting up every hour or so to change your dirty diapers
    A little whiny because your hungry and want to feed
    Sleepless nights, early mornings waking up every hour or two

    Because I'm a MOTHER and I will do it for you
    Because I also have the maternity mentality and won’t complain at all, it’s my job and you are my piece of heart.
    Holding you in my arms all day, swaddling you to sleep and be able to keep you calm if I need to. Even though I’m dying of sleep and paralyzed on my knee,
    Taking quick baths to come back to you so you won’t wake up and cry because nobody is around.
    Being sleepy for the rest of the day and night because you've kept me up all night,
    yes “MOTHER” that's what I am.
    #MomGuilt #PostpartumDepression #Depression

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    CHRONIC FATIGUE #PEM

    My arm was shaking to hold the camera SMH #ChronicFatigue Hard being a mommy like this I beat myself up cause I don’t want her to see me in bed all the time but I don’t have a magic potion 🧪 I can’t make it go away she’s thirteen and I been ill almost all her life so she knows but I still relentlessly feel guilty. #MomGuilt

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    Will I ever find peace? #MentalHealth

    It's been 2 years since my marriage has been over. It feels like it's been 6 months and I'm barely catching my breath. I don't have social media, anything, I lost my marriage, I lost my world💔 trying to co-parent is hard enough, I never feel like I get to really let go cause he's always there. Well, recently find out through our child, he's been in paradise with someone else, for about a year now💔 I've been living in a dark cold lonely world, feeling shattered whilst he's getting whole with a new family💔 how do I carry on? How do I hear the conversations of his new love through my child, who doesn't need to see me cry whilst doing so😭💔💔 seriously, I've never felt this kind of pain.....and having to shove it down cause someone's always watching 💔 I seriously can't handle it sometimes, I get physically sick💔💔 this is a new level of heartbreak, that just keeps playing💔 help me.....
    #Depression #Divorce #SuicidalThoughts #Anxiety #BipolarDepression #MomGuilt

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