quarentine

These days I’m better at being alone sometimes the isolation hits me hard . Today I went for a walk and all these little kids were waving a saying hi lol made me smile. #magicmoments #quarentine #COVID19

I haven’t seen my mom for over a year , she has not been feeling well for the past few weeks and I worry so. She took a Covid test and it came back negative thankfully but she is till not back to being 100%. My part of town is now back in the extreme risk category , I wonder when/ if another full lock down will happen.
The incidents of racism towards
The racism towards the Asian community torment me . Every day the violence continues ... my mom lives in the Bay Area I made her promise me she would not go out . I’m lucky I live where I live as people for the most part are friendly but you can’t let your guard down fully.
I had a job a couple of months ago, I accepted the position so I could save money to help my mom out as she has income besides unemployment ,and save money to pay for tuition but it ended up being toxic . They let me go after a couple of weeks making up excuses and reasons to justify their decision , I feel like on a certain level it based on unconscious bias and descrimination they burned me and It totally screwed me up and I ended up failing a class trying to make the effort to meet their needs , in short I wasn’t able to
Meet the requirements to graduate on time . I need to find income to so I can come back and finish up my remaining credit , just makes me so angry how people are and how they can be. #COVID19 #quarentine #quarentinethoughts

Scared for new variants. Been home for a year now!

Does anyone have any ideas on how to celebrate Christmas with an active covid case in the family? My brother is a diabetic who has a confirmed covid case. I will not be going anywhere near him as I am highly susceptible as is my Grandpa. (This will be hard as we live together) Every year on Christmas Eve my whole family (14 people; 4 households) get together do dinner and hours of gift opening. One household will no longer be traveling the 7 hours because of the covid case. One household is, and two households (including mine) are in the same town where we come every year. How can we celebrate? We can’t give anyone gifts. We can see anyone either. I don’t know. This holiday is so hard.

So ,
I’ve been trying all these apps for mindful journaling or even meditation as a outlet to cope with being isolated during the pandemic. They work ok , I gave it a little bit of time for me to get used to the platform but ... it’s just not the same as putting pen to paper 📝. I eventually caved , and bought a journal and have made a point to make an entry each night before bed . Holy Cow has that worked well, I don’t know what it is about physically writing / screaming into the void but it’s been pretty fantastic . I do love apps such as the mighty because you have a sense of community but the journaling for me has helped to create a space that uniquely incorporates art, and poetry , and ranting and ravings etc.
I’m getting so burned out on social media , specifically ig. I like it cause I can be creative and yet it is maddening because ideas and concepts are borrowed and recycled continually , and yes while it is flattering when you see people recreate concepts similar to yours it’s can be frustrating at the same time .... makes me sound like a brat but it’s true .
Quarentine during the pandemic has been incredibly difficult for everyone but it is even harder for those who cannot be near their immediate family at this time. As of late I’ve gotten pretty fed up with my friend group. I used to think I was really good at being alone until I found myself isolated by Covid. I find myself without my immediate family ( my mom is in California and I’m in Oregon) and the family near me is catty and not close with me. It’s incredibly frustrating to deal with all of this alone and yet be the one who reaches out to check on those who can’t be bothered to see outside of their own lives/ and problems and call to say hi once in a great while . ... to continually show up for others who can’t be bothered to show up for me .

I’ve been exhausted lately. I think a lot of it comes from being so fixated on the news... I’ve been fighting a lot too , I used to joke around and say there must be a target on my back for people seem to try and pick in me and test my patience consistently. I don’t like conflict and I don’t need to take sh@$&t from anyone. I had a a bad day today , I spent the week in doors lounging around and sleeping decided to go out and enjoy the sunshine, got a call from my family member that resulted in a huge fight and me getting hysterical and screaming crying in public . It’s embarrassing and I just think omg what if someone recorded me flipping out and I’m going to be a meme .
Long story short this family member offers me help to go back to school which I accepted and she continually throws the help she has offered in my face and how much of a burden it has been. I hate that. I don’t like my behavior right now but what can I do? I have a new roomate who creates problems and tries to make everyone adhere to her rules , if someone questions her then she immediately puts boundaries up and it is infuriating ...
I’m having a really hard time with patience and empathy right now . I’m introverted and I don’t say how I feel and when I do try to be direct I get accused of being to aggressive I feel like I’m getting mean, I don’t want to be and there are times where I feel like it’s what I need to do to be taken seriously . You know it’s bad when and introvert wants to run away from home. #Introvert # Covid-19

So this quarantine had been increasing my obsessive-compulsive symptoms plus the disadvantages of not having my friends araund to make me feel safe and comfortable, or just relax. I completely lost my biological clock and I can't enter to my online classes because i don't know a bit about when they are or what is the topic there.
It's like quarentine had increased all my symptoms, as now I need to do some rules more and I end up doing nothing (as I didn't do that "To-Do" list I created for myself) and wasting all my day, then the week, the month, and so on so. The worst part is that I feel completely exhausted at the end of the day, as my inactivity keeps me from feeling energy actually.
Now It's 6:30 AM and I don't even know why am I still awake . I feel like OCD it's controlling me and that I'm trapped with myself (i hace contamination OCD so when I don't wash myself -what it is pretty common lately- I feel dirty and uncomfortable with myself.)
It's 6:30 AM.
And I don't know where to start.
PD: I was diagnosed very abroad and misundiagnosted last year xd.
#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #quarentine #quarentineparty #Upallnight #COVID19 #Anxiety #OCD #GAD