Repressed

Hi, my name is Myhereandnow. I'm here because for the past several months I have been remembering repressed trauma. I now remember being brutally sexually assaulted and raped several times as a 4 and 7 year old. These memories have thrown my reality for a loop. I feel like my feet have been kicked out from under me and I have struggled to cope and do daily responsibilities. I have very little capacity for my kids. I have constant panic attacks and horifying nightmares. The memories feel fragmented and foggy. I am having a hard time trusting they are real since it’s so far the childhood I thought I had. But the reaction my body is having to remembering them is so strong that it’s hard not to believe they are real. So many other fears and aversions and relationships throughout life make sense now. I have a really good therapist that I have been seeing and doing A.R.T. and EMDR therapy with. That is helping. I mostly want to talk to others that have gone through this. Was it this disorienting for you too? Do you have a hard time believing it is true? I feel crazy and dramatic and scared to tell my parents and sister about this. I remember protecting my little sister from this perpetrator, but knowing her and my parents, I think they will dismiss all of it and call me crazy. My husband is very supportive and I have told a few friends, but all of them say things like, “how sad,” “how horrible,”. Then the conversation moves on. Know one knows just how horrible it really is. It feels so lonely to hold something so heavy by myself. Does anyone have recommendations for good books or resources to learn more about what I am dealing with? I am reading “the body keeps the score” it is triggering but helpful. I would love to learn more.

#MightyTogether #PTSD #Repressed memories#Anxiety

Hello all. Through the past two years I’ve been getting little pieces of memories back of past csa… and now recently I connected some dots and suspect other instances of abuse with a different family member. I don’t actually have memories of abuse happening with this person, but I have had a weird uncomfortable feeling about this person for a while now. And since these new memories have come up of being with them, I now can’t stand thinking of them or seeing photos of them. It’s super triggering but I still don’t know why. There’s other little signs too about their behavior that makes me feel suspicious. Do I have good reason to believe they did something to me?

Anyone have experience with hypnotism as an attempt to help force a memory to play through? I have a traumatic memory that stops half way in because I know on some level what happens next. But my brain won’t let me finish the memory cause it’s so painful. Would hypnotism be worth a try?

#CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Abuse #hypnotherapy #Hypnosis #Repressed Memory

Hi, I’m new here. My name is Becs. I’ve been diagnosed with MDD, anxiety/panic disorder, ADHD, OCD tendencies, and PTSD. I’ve been on all kinds of anti-depressants. I’ve been in therapy for the majority of my life. I’ve even been through two rounds of TMS, but I still experience severe depression on a day to day basis with occasional suicidal ideations. Recently, suppressed childhood memories of being sexually abused by my father have resurfaced. He passed away from cancer when I was 20, but I’m 27 now. I feel like so much of my life was a lie. The father I thought I knew would NEVER have done those things. I took his death so hard as I felt I had lost one of my biggest supporters in life. Now I look back at the posts I made on social media commemorating him.. the pictures I chose and the words I wrote. I want to vomit. I don’t understand how he could have done these awful things to me at such a young age, but then flip some kind of a switch and fall into the role of a supposedly supportive, loving, and caring father. Not long after the memories resurfaced, I made the decision to tell my mom, who divorced my father when I was about five, and my little brother who is about 2 & 1/2 yrs younger than me. Part of me felt selfish. I didn’t want to ruin their memory of my dad or have my brother come to resent me for that, but at the same time, another part of me felt like my truth deserves to be heard. My dad is dead. I’m not. I’m the one who still has a life to live. I don’t want to keep secrets on his behalf knowing that they will just fester, and lead to me further isolating myself and deepening the feelings of depression, anger, resentment, etc. My mom seems like she wants to believe me. She said she got chills when I told her, but since then she just keeps saying, “I don’t know. I don’t know. I just can’t see him doing that.” My brother is acting like I never told him anything at all. I didn’t expect them to immediately believe me, so I’m not sure why I thought telling them would help. I guess I was looking for some comfort or semblance of understanding, but obviously that hasn’t quite been the case. I found this website while doing a google search about how to deal with uncovered memories of childhood sexual abuse and decided to make an account and write this post because I don’t know where to go from here. How do you come to terms with the fact that your parent - someone you loved unconditionally and trusted wholeheartedly to keep you safe and secure was actually the person who violated and abused you when you were at your most vulnerable and naive phase of development in life? How do you wrap your mind around the realization that you never actually knew who your parent truly was? I don’t know. If you’ve managed to make it this far through my post, thank you - from the bottom of my heart, for hearing me out. Thoughts, suggestions, or comments are beyond welcome & appreciated. Much love. #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #Repressed Memory #Childhoodtrauma

It’s really hard having these memories. My first impulse is to try to ignore it, squish it down. My second is to study it, to try to remember more and learn more, figure out more of what happened, but then you get lost in it and don’t know if you’re remembering more or if your brain is just trying to make sense and jumping to conclusions. And the adrenaline starts going, and the body sensations and the pain in the pelvis, and the blood is rushing from your face down to your stomach and you start shaking and you’re cold but your blood is on fire and you’re fully in your body but jumping out of your skin. And it all happens so fast you feel like you’re losing your mind and then suddenly your whole body convulses and you’re back in the present and you’re dazed and confused by how so much can happen so fast. And then in an instant your adrenaline lets you down and you start to cry.
#Flashbacks #CPTSD #PTSD #Repressed Memory #bodymemories

I have C-PTSD and feel like Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap - I have a Swiss cheese memory full of holes.

As time goes on I realise there is so much I have forgotten, or more likely blocked out. Recently I reconnected with a childhood friend and were reminiscing about our school days. He asked me if I remembered all the time we spent at my house playing video games - wait - what?? Did we? I don't remember that! I didn't say that of course; smiled and said yes, it was loads of fun.

Confusion and anxiety descended on me and I became distracted. I wracked my brain trying to picture him in my house, in the bedroom where the old NES was. Nope. Nothing. Just a very hazy picture of me playing with my brother. I know in my bones that he was telling the truth but it just wasn't there.

A while ago I said to my mental health team that I am good at forgetting. As time goes on that gets more and more evident and troubling. A particularly horrific repressed memory re-surfaced during EMDR recently. I describe it as something not that I have forgotten but something I didn't know about because it just wasn't there, but I again know in my bones that it is absolutely true.

I am left wondering what else is buried in the murky depths in my brain where the bad things are locked away. I am certain there is more. I am desperate to know what a 'normal' memory is like. How do people remember the narrative of their life and their childhood? What does it look like?

Does anyone else feel like this?

#CPTSD #Trauma #Memory #Repressed Memory

I have recently begun to remember memories of abuse as a child but I don’t know who exactly it may have been. The way it resurfaced is through nightmares; I was re-enacting this abuse as a child on a younger cousin. I don’t know that they even remember, but I do. I know it’s not a dream. I remember when and where. And a child shouldn’t do this. Talking to a psychologist she said it was likely I was re-enacting trauma inflicted on me. I feel frozen. Ashamed. Dirty. I have no one to blame because I can’t remember and I am afraid to open that door as well. How do I go o from here? How do I heal?

I've been having some very disturbing memories that I have no clue if they are real. I recall being at a friend's house for some kind of gathering and my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend showing up and taking everyone hostage. We were taken into the house and locked in the basement cellar. One by one we were beaten and sexually abused and turned against each other.

I think I had some traumatic experience previous to this and it was exploited by this person or people. I don't recall how many of them were there. I do know that my memories seem fragmented and they're extremely difficult to trust. I have reached out to some people who I thought were involved but so far nobody has confirmed anything.

I'm really lost and confused. My girlfriend and I are no longer in a relationship but the past few days have been hell. I miss her so much and I can't understand why everything turned out as it did. I just want to fix what went wrong and I can't.