Schizoaffective Disorder

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    Noah
    Noah @nsdf60
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    Studying Philosophy to Help Mental Health With Schizoaffective Disorder

    In 2015, I received a scholarship to play football in college. I was majoring in kinesiology with a dream of becoming an exercise physiologist. For my first few weeks, I was doing really well in my classes — and even better on the football field. Things were going great! Until they weren’t. I remember sitting at the table during lunch break, when I heard a group of students joking and laughing. No biggie, right? Well, to me, it was. I was sure they were laughing at me. I had no reason to believe this, but I was sure of it regardless. I returned my tray to the cafeteria bar and left to head to my dorm. I had some more classes that day and then football practice. Everywhere I went, I had this unshakable feeling of being watched. By the end of the day, it was unbearable. I was laying in my bed, feeling exhausted, and trying to sleep when I heard a deep, booming laugh. I sat up in bed and looked around. No one was there. This happened a few times before I called my mom in distress. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but apparently it was “delusional” and made no sense. She came and picked me up the next day. I dropped my classes and withdrew from the school. Shortly after, I got a job — which I was only able to hold for a short time. Things quickly began to spiral out of control. I turned to drugs and alcohol in the hope that it would make me feel better. This only compounded the problem — to the point that I was ready to die. I knew I had to do something. I called my psychiatrist — who decided to put me in an intensive outpatient program. It was during this time that I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. Over the next few years, I tried to work several jobs — none of which worked out. I began to lose my sense of self-worth. I again turned to alcohol, and I drank heavily every day for a year. On May 13, 2020, though, I took my last drink. I began taking all of my medications as directed and going to therapy too. It was during this time that I became acquainted with the study of philosophy. I began to immerse myself in the philosophies of Siddhartha Gautama, Aristotle, Epicurus, and even Albert Camus. It became quickly apparent to me that I had been measuring my self-worth all wrong. My value is not in my ability to work but is instead intrinsic — at least according to some. I began to ask questions. “What is a good life?” “What makes life worth living?” “What creates and sustains true happiness?” While there are no cut-and-dry answers to these questions, I believe the search for those answers is inherently valuable. For instance, for me, a “good life” involves having money, a nice house, and a good job. Enter the philosophies of Siddhartha Gautama and Epicurus. They both assert that the separation from unnecessary desires is paramount in living a good life and that contentment is the key to attaining and maintaining true happiness. Wise words indeed — but much easier said than done. However, if we can work towards contentment with our situation, rather than struggling incessantly to obtain things that frankly don’t matter, we just may find ourselves in a lighter state of mind. That isn’t to say that we will no longer find ourselves in the vice grips of depression from time to time. If it were that simple, some of us may not need therapy or antidepressants. All I’m saying is that working towards contentment can be a worthwhile endeavor. For some people, this might be keeping a gratitude journal because it can help you appreciate the small things even on bad days. Let me ask another question — what really matters? This is a general question, I know, but bear with me. Let’s say, hypothetically, that nothing matters and that searching for meaning in a meaningless universe is futile. You might find this situation depressing, but if you dig deeper, you might find it liberating in a sense. If everything society deems important, like money, status, and popularity is in fact meaningless, then we may have no obligation to adhere to such standards. We can create our own meaning. Now, when I ask myself what really matters, my answer is relationships, self-love, self-care, treating everyone with dignity, and helping where I can. That is why I wrote this article — to share ideas that I hope will help someone. I don’t claim to be a brilliant philosopher, and I’m sure there are some logical flaws in this writing. After all, I am still a student of philosophy — and I always will be. My hope is that if you feel like philosophy could help you, you may take the plunge yourself. When you read philosophy, it is important to keep in mind that these writers are only people, and their philosophies are not law. You may agree or disagree or even form your own opinions on their thoughts. If you find a certain area of philosophy triggering, please stop studying. After all, some concepts and topics can be pretty uncomfortable. I have benefited greatly from studying philosophy, and if you want to read philosophy, I hope it helps you too.

    Community Voices

    Write a short message of appreciation to someone or something that's helped you in your mental health journey.

    <p>Write a short message of appreciation to someone or something that's helped you in your <a href="https://themighty.com/topic/mental-health/?label=mental health" class="tm-embed-link  tm-autolink health-map" data-id="5b23ce5800553f33fe98c3a3" data-name="mental health" title="mental health" target="_blank">mental health</a> journey.</p>
    7 people are talking about this
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    Community Voices

    How do you feel about spending time alone?

    <p>How do you feel about spending time alone?</p>
    39 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Where do I go from here?

    After all the traumas, after the diagnosis after diagnosis, after weekly intense therapy treatment; where do I go from here is the question that pops up the most.
    I have no clue who I am, what my goals or calling is, or even what my hope for the future is. It’s such a strange feeling, being a broken canvas, being repaired and not sure what new art should be painted on you.
    It’s something I cry about every night and ponder about every day dream. I just hope I can find out the colors and picture I should paint on my canvas soon. #PTSD #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #BipolarDepression

    8 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I wish my family treats me better and are never rude to me

    I don’t want my family telling me anything that upsets me or triggers my depression. I just want them to wish the best for me and not want anything bad to ever happen to me. I hope they change around me and don’t say stuff like ‘what do you want from me?’ or ‘I don’t want to keep you’. I hope that my parents put me first and want me to have everything. It would mean the world to me, thank you. Best wishes to all of you on here!

    #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Disability #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #Psychosis #Trauma #Suicide #Selfharm #CPTSD #PTSD #Schizophrenia #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #SchizoaffectiveDisorder

    5 people are talking about this
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    Community Voices

    What little things do you live for?

    <p>What little things do you live for?</p>
    29 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    A common ironic occurrence of a psychotic illness is that it will convince you that you've never been psychotic at all, that it's all an elaborate ploy when those same thoughts are themselves deemed delusions which as we all know is one of the markers of... Psychosis!

    Community Voices

    Being okay with being alone with my mind

    I think one of the hardest things, with coping with a mental illness, is being okay with being alone with your mind. When everyone is busy and it’s just you and your brain. I’m working on not letting mine get ahold of me and send me spiraling!
    So far I went for a walk, on a bus ride, and now I’m gonna find a hobby that my brain and I can agree on and bond with. Gotta remind myself my brain isn’t against me, just going through the illness with me.
    #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD

    3 people are talking about this