Schizoaffective Disorder

I live with schizoaffective disorder and not too long ago, I began working with a vocational case manager to use the Social Security Administration's Ticket to Work program to try and go back to work. I have been without a job and on disability since 2016. I surprisingly found a job at a call center fairly easily. I was excited, and nervous to re-enter the workforce.

My first day on the job wasn't too bad, I was in a training class with 5 other people. It was hard to be out of my comfort zone of home for so long, but I made it through. The next day wasn't as easy. I felt very nervous and began to feel suspicious of my co-workers and managers. For example, during the training class, two of the trainers looked at their computer and began whispering to each other and soon walked out of the room. I was certain that they were speaking to each other about me and planning on firing me. I was able to make it through yet again, however and went home and cried.

As the days went on, my anxiety and paranoia grew. I could feel eyes on me at all times and not just the usual ones you get from your boss. At one point, I was working at my desk and someone was standing behind me watching over my shoulder at what I was doing. This is normally what happens at work, you are supervised, especially when new. But for me, the feeling of someone behind me was very triggering as this is a hallucination I have from time to time, where a figure stands behind me and I can feel their presence even though no one is really there. The stress was causing my mental health to decline slowly but surely and it was causing me to have problems at home as well.

I became more and more introverted at work, and on the day we were supposed to start on the phones, I had a massive panic attack. I was escorted to the break room by a fellow worker where one of the trainers met me. She was kind. I explained as best I could that I lived with a mental illness and was having a panic attack. She asked me what I needed and I said I just needed to be alone for a bit to breathe. My boss followed soon after she left and told me that I had no reason to have a panic attack. I explained to him just as I did to her that I live with a mental illness and that I was having a hard time. He did not seem to care much to hear this explanation. He told me to compose myself and go back to my desk when I was ready. I went to the bathroom and washed my face and returned to my desk to finish out the day.

It became clear that this job was not for me. I could not keep up with the information I had learned in training while speaking to people on the phone while also managing symptoms of my mental illness. I resigned from the job. However, I did find a new job working at a beauty products store. I hope that working with the public in person will prove to be a better fit

#SchizoaffectiveDisorder #MentalHealth #Schizophrenia

Sometimes I am sure that everyone is talking about how much they hate me. Not just people I know, but strangers as well as I pass them by at the convenience store or just sitting in my home, I feel like I know they know me and that they are all discussing what a horrible person I am. This of course makes me terribly anxious. I go out of my way to be polite and kind to people I meet, yet I still feel like I know their inner thoughts and those thoughts are terrible things about me.

I wish I could explain why this is, but the only explanation i have been given when i bring this up with my doctor is that I live with schizoaffective disorder, a mental illness that affects how i think. It is an illness that combines symptoms of schizophrenia and a mood disorder. I have the bipolar type which means I also sometimes experience highs and depressive lows outside normal mood swings.

The most recent experience I have had with this symptom is from today. I woke up with plans to go to breakfast with my family. I was anxious about going, yet made it to the restaurant and was seated. The hostess and server were nice and I was friendly back with them, yet I felt I knew that they went back and were talking about what a strange person I was and how they knew that something was wrong with me. I became increasingly anxious with this knowledge. I had to excuse myself several times to go to the bathroom and splash water on my face to try and ground myself. This thought continued with the people I was eating with. "Sarah is so strange." "I don't trust her" "I don't like her at all", were all things that I felt them thinking.

This is not just some insecurity, because I have times when I don't have these thoughts at all and feel normal, thanks to being on medication. But things like stress and other outside factors can make me have breakthrough symptoms like this. Lately, stress has been a factor in my life, due to going back to work and other things outside my control.

Even though I deal with these thoughts and symptoms, I will persist at working and living my life. #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #MentalHealth #MentalIllness

Hi, my name is ThrivingMackeral123. I'm here because I want to learn about schizoaffective disorder. A family member was just diagnosed with this in addition to other mental health concerns for anxiety, ocd, autism, neurodivergence

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #PTSD #Migraine

Hi, my name is Arshnoor. I've been diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. Just trying to find the light.

#MightyTogether