Suicidal Thoughts

This boy in my class made fun of me and said I am not appealing. Honestly the same boy failed the class and might have a criminal record which makes me feel better because what he did to me was wrong. I am diagnosed with Schizophrenia Bipolar. I have had people be so mean and rude to me my whole life especially boys in school and just men in general. I have been called ugly my whole life. I am disabled and I am 29 years old. I almost got attacked twice in school like beat up too for no reason and it was by boys. My nationality is West Indian. That’s why I don’t plan on going back to school only doing online school because why do people have to attack me? I am not a bad person.
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The girl who did this, her and her sister took advantage of me and I hope to never see them or have people like that back in my life. They are such low life bums and what they did to me traumatized me. I am going to a therapist and I told them what they did to me. They are nasty. What is even worse is that they are of similar culture of mine and it makes me not want to be around people of my nationality because all that mistreatment I got from them. The girl who forced me to touch her boobs, I know this might sound harsh but I really don’t care what happens to her especially her sister. If they punish I would laugh lol. One of there family members was on the news for something really bad and if I knew all this information about them, I would of never talked to such awful people.
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I hope life gets better for me everyday in every way and I hope that for all of you too! I don’t know why people say such mean things. I emailed a model once and told her what I was going through with my mental health journey and her reply was that my life will get worse and worse over the years that she will pray for me. I swear I hope that’s not true because I deserve a life that always continues to get better for me in every way and so do all of you!
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I have had so many men call me ugly. I used to go online and pretend to be other attractive pretty girls and when I showed them real pictures of me. I got so many nasty mean remarks thrown to me about my appearance. I know I am not the prettiest girl but at least be nice because I am a GIRL not a fucking boy. I hate the way I look. I can’t even be around an attractive female without being insecure because when a pretty girl walks into the room, they probably would get complimented right away and I never do. I am always by myself and plan on being by myself for the rest of my life. Attractive people piss me off. I don’t like being around them. I was never considered one. When I was little my parents said I looked like a doll and I had so many people say stuff about the way I look saying I am ugly mostly men. Sorry I will never look like Jennifer Lopez and some people probably really wouldn’t understand why I am this way. I really hate my appearance. Maybe if I lost all the weight I wanted and my skin cleared up forever, I would feel a little better about myself but otherwise no. Sometimes I see attractive people in public and just want to punch them. That is not gonna change.
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There was one time I was hospitalized in a residential treatment center in Florida and one of the female mental health techs that I kept talking to and opening up to told me to make a wish and it will come true. I feel like the wish is coming true but it wasn’t even like a big wish. I wish I made a better wish. I wish that I can have 100 more wishes come true because honestly right now my life sucks and I am barely living. I hope I can get my 100 wishes one day soon. It would mean the world to me if I do.
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