Suicidal Thoughts

I am very confused.. I don’t know I should go to my psychiatrist or not... Though I feel like I really need to.. This is something I realised when I was going through the situation.. It's just very difficult to contract him.. My psychiatrist sometimes feels out of my reach.. That place feels traumatizing for me.. I still got a month of my appointment.. It’s way too long for me as my condition doesn’t seem good to me.. It’s been a week.. I can't sleep properly... My situation starts to get worse at night.. When the clock turns 9, I start to have the bad feelings.. I can't sleep at all even after taking my medications... At midnight, I find my myself crying randomly.. I feel I don’t like anything or what I am doing.. I feel extremely lonely.. I have also faced some sudden suicidal thoughts though it’s not that constant.. The worst part is I am even scared to sleep.. I feel if I sleep,then I won’t wake up.. It’s scary.. Then, I will feel suffocation in my sleep.. It’s horrible.. I am also having nausea.. Nights have been really hard for me.. And, I don’t know.. I feel probably my medications aren’t working.. It’s almost been three months.. First, I thought it's goona be okay.. But,it just keeps getting worse.. #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #CheckInWithMe

Past few days,nights are getting really tough for me... My depression gers extremely bad and I feel suffocation... Also, I get suicidal thoughts... The thoughts I used to always have like leaving everything... I don’t like anything... I feel like I am trapped.. I don’t wanna stay... I feel extremely bad... This thought keeps bothering me like this night isn’t goona pass.. Or how it's goona pass.. I am stuck... I can't sleep amd so many things... It’s continuously happening and it's extremely bothering me... Well, night used to be my most favourite time of the day.. Everything is calm and you get the time for yourself.. But,now it has been unbearable for me.. I can't sleep even I took my medications long ago... Something is bothering me that I myself don’t know... I never had a fixed sleeping schedule... Either I will be waking up really early or I will sleeping very late.. It’s because I can't maintain a fixed schedule cause it starts suffocating me.. So,I have to change it... It’s been more than a week that I am sleeping late... But, I loved nights.. The time and all... Now, I don’t know.. For me, I have always hated mornings.. I hated it from the very beginning.. This actually scares me.. Like losing interest from the things I used to love... It scares me... #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #SuicidalThoughts #CheckInWithMe