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    The great fear of even a tiny sliver of hope…

    A kin of mine empathizing with my loss, failure, shame and implicitly recognizing the legitimacy of my grief and depression and also possibly figuring there indeed could be something of worth in my professional experience, is trying to help
    me out. But why am i not enthused? Indeed i'm scared...if my past is anythingto go by having been so comprehensively undone - repeated and vicious jinxes, calamitous setbacks and humiliating
    failures, I'm so devoid of hope, faith & trust
    in all its entirety. More so anything involving bringing my 'being' into equation...particularly interacting with others, reaching out, engaging both at personal and professional level all went south and the outcome left a stench of such putridity that continues to leave me with a sense of revulsion and self loathing. Indeed most of my friends and kins too in similar disgust, probably seeing my misery as my just desserts have abandoned me to nurse my grief, shame and loss in complete loneliness. Even as my cousin finger holds me to face up to something new, I’m gripped by fear…am i nuts or what given the one big learning from my sorry life is that it doesn’t take much for the powers that be to bedevil me? And by powers I mean even a two year old and the otherwise most wretched can easily cast their worst on me. Let me not even bring the almighty here. Those who have followed my earlier posts would know how much of despair, anguish and lament I’m filled with and the insurmountable difficultly I have coming to terms with my new normal. Can i take another lashing on my deeply lacerated mind and soul?😟
    #wishmeluck #despair #Anxiety #Fear #Shame #Misery

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    Blood work

    Today I’m getting tested for a lot of things. It’s an hour long test wish me luck #wishmeluck


    x Up Next Course I Will Be Diving..Into Acupressure Point Therapy x #wishmeluck

    x This Will Be Course # 6 And Then More Interesting Knowledge To Come Soo Stay Tuned For More.. x #Update 's 🌹🤓🤘


    All aboard the roller coaster

    Today... was not easy. I went to school felt off had 3 different seizures before they sent me home.... I am studying to be a cosmetologist... I am supposed to be taking clients next week but with the dangerous equipment we use feeling hopeful in school is hard.... I am the girl who has seizures, everyone sees me act off or have one and they act like it inconveniences them.... Almost 4 years, no answers, no leads, no diagnosis just loopty loops of EEG, MRI, Medication, and incorrect doctors blaming me or saying I am faking.... It feels like it gets better and then I am back... here, not knowing, nothing working.... #SeizureDisorder #Epilepsy #Undiagnosed #Seizure #SeizuresSuck #Needanswers #moretesting #testing #wishmeluck


    Eep - away from home

    There's nothing better than the comfort of your own bed, devices, your sanctuary. I have to leave mine for days now.  Usually I hate being away from home.  But, it's important to spend this time with my family and in-laws family as we witness my nephews wedding.

    The social anxiety really gets hard at times and the always having to be "on."  Send me good thoughts and vibes and all that jazz.

    And hopefully, I'll still get a chance to write poetry every day, but I may not get to upload it.  Bring on the Android App!



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