The great fear of even a tiny sliver of hope…
The great fear of even a tiny sliver of hope…
Feelings of envy and depression
For the last three weeks, I’ve been dealing with yet another work injury, but this time it’s upper body; entirely pulled my latisimis dorsi muscle. I’m so freaking done. I know that this is my life and I have to deal with the aspect that my body will not allow me to be as physically inclined as others are. I legit cannot afford a lower paying full time job as a cashier somewhere. I’m trying to move out (finally) with my boyfriend of almost 5 years and I’m no going to throw that away. I thought about getting disability, but then again I can’t because of the abundance of lawyers I’d need. It’s just every time something starts to go right in my life, something else comes back around to make everything worse again. My medical condition is the one thing keeping me back from destroying my depression. I envy those who can do whatever; I know I’m not as bad as some other people are limitation wise, but to me with what I wanna do is killing my youth. I feel like I have the body of a 50 year-old woman and the mental stability of…well.. I’m not too sure tbh. I just want help finding solutions and kind of plan out what I need to do in order to feel better. I feel like it’s getting harder to stay positive. #Anxiety #Depression #Independence #help #BodyPositive #Misery #Adulting
Now to manage chronic pain?
So I haven’t yet been officially been diagnosed with crps, but I have many of the symptoms. I have come to contact with several neurologists, so hopefully I get answers soon. I have had pain now for almost 3 years. I was totally normal, then I was grabbing my suitcase from a high night, and I stretched to get it, and that’s when all my pain began. I thought I ruptured my gallbladder, that region of my abdomen is the origin of all my pain I experience today. For a while, I thought I had gallstones. I went to doctors, and emergency rooms so many times. I have had an unbelievable amount of ct scans, c-rays, and ultrasound scans, all over my body. Nothing came up. I had a HIDA scan done to my gallbladder, that test came back fine. My pain came and went for over 2 years. Around New Years, my pain then extended from my upper right abdomen, and caused parathesia in my back, shoulders, and arms. In April, I went on gabapentin for my pain, it took my pain levels down, though it never disappeared. By mid July, my pain came back like how I remembered from the winter. Now over the last 3 weeks, it’s intensified to levels I have never experienced before. Now it feels like a combo of being skinned alive, then set on fire, and then being tortured with a sander. I have upped my dosage of gabapentin, added cbd oil, and gummies, as well as ibuprofen, Tylenol, aspirin, as well as prednisone. I also try magnesium and vitamin b12, not one of these things bring me any relief. I’m in so much pain every moment of the day, I now mostly stay in bed. I’m 24 years old, unemployed, in my parents house, and cannot contribute financially, I had plans to start nursing school this fall, which is safe to say that will no longer happen. I am seeing all my peers getting into relationships, getting into careers, and buying homes. All the while I feel so hopeless. The pain has made me very hopeless and depressed. I now feel like I will never achieve any of those goals my peers have. The only thing I have going for me is decades longer of pain, and that thought breaks me everything I think that way. This is no way to live my life. I cannot go on another 55 or so years with this misery. I’d rather end it, and die young, so I will no longer be tortured by physical pain, and being tortured by seeing everyone fulfilling their dreams, and goals, while I can’t stand the feel of clothes on my body. I really need to hear advice from someone. #Pain #IfYouFeelHopeless #Depression #dispair #Misery #depressed #ChronicPain #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide
How to manage chronic pain?
So I’ll be clear, I have not yet been diagnosed with crps. I have contacted several neurologists so hopefully I can get in. I’ve had pain for several years, started in my abdomen. I thought I ruptured my gallbladder, and after years of ct scans, ultrasounds, and x-rays. My pain cycled on and off for 2 1/2 years. Right around New Years my pain that I believed to be from gallbladder has spread to the rest of my abdomen, and back, and top of right leg. I had parasthesia that traveled up my back, and spread to my arms, and right leg. I saw another doctor in April, was prescribed gabapentin, which lessened the pain, never completely went away. By mid July, my pain had came back to exactly to how I remembered it over the winter. Over the last 3 weeks, the pain now feels worse than ever before. Pain has spread to my left leg now, I feel like I’m constantly burning all over my body all day, I upped my dosage of gapapentin, and now I’m also on cbd oil and gummies, as well as magnesium and vitamin b12, as well as ipuprofen, tylonel, and aspirin. Absolutely none of these work. know spend most of my life in bed. I had plans to start nursing school in October. Now I lay in bed at my parents house. I’m 24, unemployed, single, and very depressed. I see all my peers in relationships, careers, and moving on. This pain has made me extremely hopeless that those dreams will never come true to me. I feel this pain has ended my life, I feel I will never be able to achieve any goal ever again. I feel like I’ll always feel like I’ll be constantly on fire all the time. This is no way to live the rest of my life. I see absolutely no hope whatsoever. I’d end my life before living another 55 years with this pain. I really need advice please. # pain #depsessed #hopeless #Depression #Misery #Pain #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #SuicidalThoughts
The feeling of impotence
The look of grief...