Abuse

Hi, my name is MsFit0410. I'm here because I'm exhausted and lonely. I'm tired of being a trainwreck. I really want to heal from PTSD caused by abuse and decades of trauma, but don't know how. I'm struggling and don't know where to turn for help, advice, direction.

Well, went to a pathways clinic to do a substance abuse assessment, didn’t seem to have a problem with that but the counselor thinks I need bimonthly therapy, one-on-one… Then, during the clinic Dr’s appt, the doc gave me Rxs for generic Trileptal and Vistaral. I guess I know/knew I have issues with anxiety and mania, now maybe a bit(?) bipolar…. Don’t usually sleep well most nights, since I was a young kid.

I guess knowing some type of meds may stop or even slow down the brain would be nice after all this time.

I had thought about therapy of some kind years ago, but was trying to take care of others, so put it off.

Well, thanks for listening a minute.

Good wishes for everyone here on The Mighty…

#Bipolar2 #Anxiety #Mania #MentalHealth #MightyTogether

#CPTSD #Abuse #DBT #Relationships #Healing (TW:SI&Abuse)

Mother's Day is a bittersweet day for me. I am the luckiest mom in the world to the most incredible human. I'm amazed that this tiny person has blossomed into a young lady challenging the world. It's like looking in a mirror, and it makes my heart happy to her creativity, thoughtfulness and loving and caring soul. You'd be proud. The reason she's turning into that person a for very different reasons than I did. Here are the things I am willing to thank you for in teaching me how to parent, but for what most adults would.

I swore I was never getting married or having children. I never wanted to end up with a broken life, and a child from a broken home. Fast forward to that's where I am since you've passed. The 5 month period of death of the step-monster, grandmother, then you and the falling apart of the family left me holding a big bag of grief that my partner didn't want to be a part of.

There were some happy memories, overshadowed by the abuse I had to learn to live my life around. To keep safe. There's many years still blocked out, but the layers uncovered are the most painful.

I was just like you, despite how many times you told me you hated me because I was exactly like my father. You brainwashed all 3 of us children about what an evil man he was. I swore to never speak ill of my child's father, and I stand by that despite how difficult it can be. I've now lived in your shoes, struggled without child support and making ends meet due to co-parent's bad choices.

When my daughter was the age I was when the sexual abuse was happening right in front of you, and you did nothing. You blamed me for the rest of your life up until the end that I was the cause of all your misery. Shipping me off to live with my grandparents for that short time was the only good memories from childhood. Until cancer took them both and I had no choice but to return to you.

How you instilled hatred of me to my siblings was something that looking back on it now, they knew not what they did. When I came to you for help when Grandpa was terminal, I was so scared losing the only person I had in my life to protect me from you. He was the only one who would stop the beatings once we were living with him after Grandma passed.

When you encouraged me me to suicide because it would make your life easier, that was something that will forever be with me. You beat me so often because of your undiagnosed mental illness that the coping mechanisms I had to learn early, I've had to unlearn as an adult.

The bruises healed, the bloody injuries gone, but I'm still trying to unwrap my sense of worth because of your venom. Seeing friends Mother's Day posts on social media is too much as I didn't have the same experiences that most do.

What you did teach me are all the things NOT to do in raising my little Mini Me. Her feelings matter, her opinions matter and I'll always take the time to listen.

She's the only thing I'm able to invest myself in outside of my job. I can't keep relationships, despite my stabs at therapy because there are a lot of broken people out there. Because of the Generational Trauma that stopped with me I can give her tools for her toolkit vs bruises and excuses.

Your son is just like you, and I hope that you can see the mess his family is. Multiple charges of domestic abuse, children he isn't allowed to see, and a wife living in a shelter. Both beautiful granddaughters of yours living in a group home because I was unable to take them in. That broke my heart dealing with CAS retelling stories of what the abuse looked like, so they could understand how to deal with him and reluctance to change. Or seek help that isn't alcoholism.

Everything fell apart when my sister passed. You being sick the same time was devastating to me. But you were more concerned about yourself. She was terminal, but you were struggling with your disease progression, so I understand now the way you acted crazy. Your nephew turned out amazing despite his rough start losing his mom as a toddler. That's the other reason this day hurts because the day she passed was the day before your birthday. And a week before Mother's Day.

You've taught me the mother not to be, so I thank you for that. You apologized the best way a narcissist knows how near the end so I've had to interpret it the best I can through therapy.

My daughter is awesome, you'd be proud someone broke the cycle. Happy Mother's Day to any readers who also struggle this day. This Mama tries her best to remember that I'm a great mom, even on days when I feel I'm not. We don't have to repeat what was taught to us. The day you passed was the first day I finally felt healing begin, though it's been a decade I've still got a way to go.

But I forgive you. I'm a survivor.

Hi, my name is flamingorainbow. I'm here because, struggling with my mental health, been in a emotional abuse relationship

#MightyTogether #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Depression

Hi, my name is Monica. I'm here because I suffer from Chronic Pain and have had multiple diagnosis. After being married for 35 years, I finally divorce him. Once I moved from Atlanta to Battle Creek, MI and the stress from him decreased, my pain decreased. Unfortunately I still trusted my doctors. At that time I had a morphine pain pump (which I believe saved my life because from Jan. 1998 till April 2006 I had reached the end mentally) and after being in MI for 7 months I realized my pain levels decreased and I got better faster when I over did something. At the time my pump was set at 3.0.0.6 ml/mg on a continues feed daily. That when I did something stupid. I asked the pain clinic if we could try turning it down. Within a 2 month period, it was turned down to point .6 but that was to low so it was turn back up to 1.0. Unfortunately, my mother passed away with in 18 months after moving to MI, and 8 months later my brother OD on herion and crack. It to a week before his body was discovered in my fathers basement. Of course this raised my stress and when I asked the pain clinic to increase my pump, they told me to see a psychiatrist. I had had enough. So I started planning my suicide by carbon monoxide. Over the next 4 months I hired someone to pack everything up and had it put in storage for a year in Atlanta for my kids. I made a new will, wrote a letter for each family member, including my ex telling him how much I hated him for brainwashing my kids, how he was making are daughter a financial invalid because she had changed her degree in college 3 times and he paid for her every expense. Whereas our son worked from the age of 16 and paid for half of almost everything until he graduated. I left the letter on the kitchen island along with a urn for my ashes, which I said could be flushed down the toilet for all I cared. Two days before my planned suicide, I realized it was my ex-husband's birthday. It truly was subconscious. I had totally forgot it was his birthday. At that point I figured it was perfect for thr the years of mental and emotional abuse he had put me through. Also, I had gotten just enough meds, illegally, to get me to that date. to be continued

My mother finally called me on my birthday for the first time ever, two weeks ago. I’m in my forties. She had abused her prescription steroids and shared them with my sister. Both were using marijuana and possibly alcohol, too. My mother was talking nonsense and was so delusional and euphoric. My mother has NPD and Bipolar disorder. She told me I was influenced by demons and she and my sister (who was in the background, they were on speaker phone) were going to rid me of them and then do the same to my daughter because she had them, too. My sister agreed with this.

That was the last straw for me.
I finally told my mother to f*ck off and I never wanted to speak to her again. I felt very empowered. Then I blocked her phone. This is something I wish I had done decades ago. I’m never going to speak to her again and it feels great!

I have put up with this type of psychological abuse and so much more my entire life and I’m not taking anymore!

#CPTSD
#MajorDepressiveDisorder
#Anxiety
#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder
#Bipolar2
#AutismSpectrumDisorder
#Relationships

I’ve been feeling really uneasy and confused today. That old feeling of condemnation has returned. The stigma attached to mental illness and SUD, is hard to overcome. I’ve internalized it and feel self-loathing as a result. It’s hard for me to remember to objectify the illness in myself and not objectify myself, especially when everyone else seems to be doing that to me. I need to remember I am not my illness or my past behavior. When people become emotional due to suffering they moralize, judge and condemn. And that’s okay, because all feelings are valid and just feelings not facts. What is not okay is to abuse someone with that judgement and condemnation and that’s what society does. It stigmatizes and makes it even harder for those who need help to seek it due to lack of support and resources and the belief that it’s a moral issue not a mental health issue. I have to make sure I don’t lose empathy for myself even when others have none to give me. #SubstanceUseDisorders
#MajorDepressiveDisorder
#BipolarDisorder
#CPTSD
#Anxiety
#AutismSpectrumDisorder

Hi, my name is Mysonsmr7377. I'm here because I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (incest) and I am currently employed as an Alcohol and Drug Therapist! I have also served as a local pastor and in my current position as a mental health professional I’m interested in sharing my story as opportunity to help others who are struggling with addiction and unresolved traumas!

#MightyTogether