Aphasia

This will be long, sorry about that.

In 2020, I filed for Disability with a law firm in Colorado, and it turned out to be a nightmare. They ignored my calls and emails for years, and when my court date finally came, they didn’t have the necessary documents prepared, despite my repeated attempts to check in. For months before the hearing, I reached out, made sure they knew what was needed, and was reassured everything was ready. But when the time came, I was the only one on the call to explain my case. My girlfriend took time off work to be there, but she wasn’t allowed to join. I lost the case. That was almost a year ago. They filed an appeal, but I haven’t heard a single word from them since. At this point, it’s clear I need new representation, someone that actually cares. They admitted to managing 10,000 cases with only two attorneys, which tells me they prioritize easy wins for a quick payout and leave people like me behind.

In 2017, I was thriving—managing multi-million-dollar IT projects in Colorado. Like many people, I thought buying a house was the next step in life. That’s when things started falling apart. A few months after moving in, I began experiencing inexplicable neurological symptoms. For over a year, I saw multiple doctors and specialists, but they found nothing conclusive. Eventually, one doctor told me my symptoms were all in my head. I even asked if it could be mold in the house, but he said there was no reliable way to test for it and that mold wouldn't explain what I was going through. My condition deteriorated to the point that I attempted suicide—luckily, I survived. This, and the fact that my girlfriend’s dog died after living in the house for just a few months, sparked my determination to find an answer.

Eventually, I found a holistic doctor who specialized in mold toxicity. When we met, without knowing my story, she began describing the exact experiences I had been living through. It was uncanny and validating. For the first time, I felt like someone understood what was happening to me. She explained that testing could measure certain markers for mold toxicity and environmental sensitivities, and I began an intensive detox process that was supposed to take two years. I had to sell or get rid of everything I owned and moved into a new apartment in January 2020 to escape any possible mold exposure.

Two years into treatment, I wasn’t improving as much as expected. After testing my new apartment, my doctor said the mold exposure was “borderline.” But I was still feeling small improvements, so I kept going, believing I was on the right track, even if slower than anticipated.

Sometime later, my girlfriend got a major promotion, and we moved to Minnesota. By this point, I was starting to feel around 70-80% better. I was still not 100% as I still had this thick brain fog, but I optimistic about the future enough to start scouting placed I’d like to apply for work. I did have this persistent headache, but I was told it was likely just allergies to the new environment. However, after a few months, my original symptoms were back in full force—severe brain fog, insomnia, aphasia, anxiety, depression, and even uncontrollable rage that led to self-harm. I later learned there was a leak in the building that extended from the 4th floor down into the underground garage—I could hear the water dripping in the walls. So, we moved again, this time to a newly built apartment, hoping to start fresh in a clean environment. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to sell everything this time, but at least I thought the new place would be clean.

We’ve now been in this apartment for about a year, and for a time, I was feeling much better. Friends and family even commented on how much I’d improved when they saw me. But after returning from a trip away, the headaches and sleeping issues started creeping back. When I asked the property manager, I learned there had been recent water damage from a roof leak in the apartment next to ours—right above my bed on our shared wall. And now, just like before, my symptoms are creeping back, and I’m losing hope.

I’m trapped. I can’t go live with my parents or any friends. I still have some medications, but Medicaid doesn’t cover any of what I need, and I haven’t been able to work since 2019. This illness is not who I am. I used to be active and helpful, but this has broken me.

If I could win my disability case, I could afford a clean place to live, get the medications I need, and begin working again. But if nothing changes, I don’t know where I’ll end up—maybe living in a tent just to breathe clean air.

I need help. My therapist, who saw me improve over time, has since left his practice, and now I’m back to square one trying to find someone who can advocate for me. This isn’t psychological—it’s physical—and I’m determined to recover and get back to work.

I consider myself lucky. Before this illness, I had a prestigious career and a stable life. Many people who suffer from mold toxicity don’t have that background, and it’s even easier for them to be dismissed as crazy. I know that with my history and my determination to work again, I can be proof that this illness is real and affects countless people. I’m certain many who have been written off as mentally ill, who have committed suicide, or who have lost everything, were suffering from mold toxicity and never got the help they needed.

There’s real research supporting the neurological impact of mold and environmental toxins. This study shows how exposure to these toxins can cause brain fog, cognitive impairment, and fatigue, validating my symptoms.

https://pmc.

I'm breaking this link because I don't want it shown as a thumbnail but just take this out

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7231651

Mold toxicity is still relatively new in the medical field, much like fibromyalgia was once dismissed. Doctors don’t fully understand the neurological impact yet, but research is starting to reveal the connection. I believe that in the coming years, this will be as widely recognized as fibromyalgia is today.

What I need now is someone who understands or wants to learn this illness and is willing to help me. If there’s anyone studying this who can take me under their wing that can provide a clean place to live, I can be observed as I recover. I’m sure that my recovery will not only change my life but can be used as a way to help countless others. I know I could turn my experience into something positive and advocate for those who are suffering in silence.

I’ve been lucky to survive this far, but I need help to keep going. I’m so close and the longer I stay here, the longer it’ll take me to recover.

Thanks for reading, even if it’s just informational.

Hi, my name is Deannabobanna. I'm here because I’m struggling with moving forward and dealing with physical and mental trauma.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #ADHD #Lupus #Aphasia #complexpost-traumaticStressDisorder

Does anyone else suffer from aura-dominated migraines? I mean where the aura is the bigger issue than the pain. I mostly get strange, disoriented vision but sometimes see zigzag lines and blind spots. The visual auras last around 20-30 mins. If I get a headache at all, it’s a mild-moderate pain in the brow bone. When the auras a bad, I sometimes get a stage of aphasia afterwards-where I can’t call words to mind or finish my sentences. That also lasts about 30 mins. Frequency is once a month at the mo but I can get 3 migraines a week and last year I had a wonderful migraine-free 5-months but, frustratingly, I can find what made the difference.
GP has prescribed Zolmatriptan orodispersible, which does seem to help (even tho triptans are not supposed to help auras). I’ve also found Magnesium helps lessen the frequency and Co-Q10 has helped me get fewer zigzag line auras. Taking Riboflavin didn’t seem to make any difference in my case.
#Migraine

TYPE 'O' (A.k.a. - "Wait... - what?")

Don't believe anything you think you see. Just don't. You can't see-for-looking what's there, and you keep seeing what ain't.

Double-takes and 'corner of the eye-itis' become your way of life on days like this. You experience exaggerated startle responses to your own shadow. The carpet, tile, and linoleum designs swirl and twist under your feet. Walls have a pulse. You can't judge distance, so you often miss the middle of the furniture and end up sitting on the arm of the chair or the carpet in front of the sofa. The tv screen needs constant adjustment because not one of your half-dozen pairs of prescription glasses solves the problem. Reading is out of the question for the same reason, compounded with the fact that your dyslexia runs rampant and the words keep sliding off the page. The word of the day is, 'vection' (The illusion of movement based only on visual input).

Your cup endeth up on the floor because your hand-eye co-ordination is for shite.

TYPE 'P' (A.k.a. - "The Lizard Brain")

This is a very black & white sort of day - yes, the brain is working, but only on a very minimal level. Creativity, imagination, and even higher-function decision-making have all gone *Pouf* and you are left with the absolute basic, bottom-line functions. Hungry/thirsty. Sleep/wake. Hot/cold. Yes/no. Friend/fuckya. Other life-forms exist, but not as thinking, feeling entities, only as blurry shapes moving through your space and time. It is the purest and most absolute definition of "going through the motions".

Your cup is just a small cylinder with no purpose.

TYPE 'Q' (A.k.a. - "Sez which?")

Aphasia reigns supreme. The overall ability to understand what is being said to you, and the ability to retrieve words from your own internal lexicon have disappeared completely. You know that people are speaking English only because it doesn't sound as harsh as German, as capricious as Japanese, as musical as Spanish, as sybilant as Gaelic, as guttural as Russian, or as sleazy as French. And as far as trying to form sentences yourself, good luck. Basically, your two choices are:

1 - keep spouting the wrong words, making yourself sound insane, or

2 - shut the hell up.

On days like this, if you're very, very lucky, you will be able to describe the words you're trying to use, even as the words themselves completely elude you. Or, you may even be able to retrieve words that are vaguely similar to the words you're looking for. Either option just confuses and frightens people. Best to just pour yourself a lemonade and spend the day quietly with a jigsaw puzzle. Thine chalice bandeth upwards.

TYPE 'R' (A.k.a. - "Fly; be free")

Everything (and I do mean 'everything') that you try (and I do mean 'try') to pick up or hold on to, somehow develops and displays an ability of flight rivalling even the best Olympic high- and long-jumpers. With absolutely no visible means of locomotion, items leap out of your grasp and take to the air, flipping and spinning just for effect, and landing in the worst possible place with the most explosive possible results. Using both hands is a risky maneuver; it will either reduce the chances of losing control by half, or it will double the height and distance of the escaping item. Your cup, rather than running over, has crashed against the fridge on the other side of the kitchen.

Stuff Worth Mentioning (A.k.a. - "Assorted sudden, temporary everyday episodes")

Everything you set down topples or gets knocked over when you take your hand away.

Everything's funny, lamentable, or maddening, even if it isn't.

Some jackhole keeps turning the room upside-down.

You wake up feeling hungover, without having been drunk.

You keep tripping over the housepets. Even when they're up on chairs.

The universe tells you to lie down or it will put you down.

You don't dare attempt reading or writing. Or thinking.

Two words: Mystery Bruises.

You feel an almost physical sense of boredom, accompanied by a desperate need for input. Radio, stereo, t.v., computer. All at once.

Swellings, rashes, bruises, eczemas, eruptions (and other pointless symptoms) appear and disappear, apropos of nothing.

Temperature fluctuations (which put menopause to shame) hit you like volcanoes and icebergs. Also, droughts and floods occur.

Migraines. Oh, my god. You pray for your head to just explode already.

More additions to follow. Inevitably.

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#BrainFog
When I read about aphasia, it sounded somewhat like my brain fog. I understand what people are saying but if I am tired I can’t come up with a response. It’s frustrating.