Autoimmune Pancreatitis

I think the scariest thought is not that I have to live with chronic illness now, but that I can trace my symptoms back years and never noticed it. Perhaps I never wanted to notice it.

My life’s purpose was the hustle - to get good grades, be the best, get a good job, and work hard to pay my parents back for the tremendous sacrifices they have made for us. Everyone struggles from time to time. I’d get over it.

Noble? Perhaps. But it’s true that you can’t help others when you are running on empty. And I got to the point where I had not only run out of gas but I’d jumped out of the car and started pushing it up the hill only to keep going.

A passing statement uttered by my doctor has made me pause and kept me up at nights. I was lamenting how suddenly all of this occurred to me, what I had possibly done wrong, and was there anything I could do to fix it. If it began suddenly, it meant that there was a beginning, a reason; and reasons have answers and all beginnings have an end — don’t they?

“If you think back, you might see that you’ve had issues all along.”

I did. He was right. But I forgot them for a reason. I avoided them purposefully, ignored them faithfully. Because I didn’t want to live a life focused on the struggle. Not then, and not now.

As I lie awake again tonight, completely exhausted and unable to sleep, I’m brought back again to those words. And the memories I had eagerly attempted to erase mock me. I should’ve seen this coming. If I had just taken better care of myself, maybe I could have defied my genetics, my fate.

But then, I realize that I have the last laugh. Because I am here; in spite of the pain, in spite of my past, and in spite of my problems.

I am here and I am stronger than ever.

I am mighty.

#iammighty #AutoimmuneImmunodeficiency #AutoimmunePancreatitis #ExocrinePancreaticInsufficiency #ChronicPancreatitis #PrimaryImmunodeficiency #sjogrens #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #CheerMeOn #Vitiligo #CrohnsDisease #CeliacDisease

After a strangely full week of people telling me how I should be feeling, it took a while for me to realize what really bothered me about what these friends were saying. It was nothing different from what I would say to cheer myself up, yet this “advice” was completely unwanted and unwelcome in that moment. It made me feel guilty for daring to mention a struggle I was going through out loud. Although I have to assume they were well-meaning, it seemed like they were attempting to move the conversation along as fast as possible and dismiss any feelings I had. But it was MY situation. They are not living my life, my pain. And it took me a couple of days to realize that what bothered me was not their words, but the acceptance I felt I needed from them. They won’t be the only people who are skeptical of my illness or deny my situation. As a Christian I find my acceptance in Jesus alone, and my own acceptance of myself after that. #InvisibleIllness carries a weight unlike any other. I don’t need to carry around the negative opinions of others along with it. #smallwins #CheerMeOn #AutoimmunePancreatitis #ExocrinePancreaticInsufficiency #AutoimmuneImmunodeficiency #sjogrens #ChronicIllness

What’s your mantra/way of coping
going through pain time after time after time? Through relapses,new acute illnesses,loss of functions and dreams,procedures that go wrong,the feeling of being alone with it all? I cry. I go silent. I remove myself from social media from time to time. I write. I breathe and ask for strength from higher power to cope even this time with unimaginable physical pain. And I dream of my favorite spot at the lake back home... #Lupus #AntiphospholipidSyndrome #BuddChiariSyndrome #Epilepsy #AutoimmunePancreatitis #Ileus

For over 20 years I have battled one chronic illnesses or another. It began with occasional migraines that became a daily problem. Then it was my immune system not great!! Finally the last and worst Pancreatic Divism that causes chronic pancreatitis and recent they'ved discovered that I may have autoimmune pancreatitis which ties into my primary immune system issues...quite the mess!! For years I've had one problems or another and felt pretty crappy and looked unhealthy in the past...as many have have said I loooked green. Not until recently did I found out by using Rodan÷Firlds skincare.