baddecisions

There are times where I feel like I make some really #baddecisions and it becomes a major #challenge for me to handle #BipolarDisorder symptoms. I thought about how things have been, and how I have struggled.

My husband has been supportive of me since 2009, but when he said the other day that he felt more like a #Caregiver than a husband, I felt #sick inside. I became very #emotional and wondered why I could not shake the feelings off. I felt hurt, because through sickness and #Health we are supposed to be a support for one another.

Lately I have reached a peak of my sexuality, and my husband is disinterested. I have thought about finding a #Boyfriend or a #Girlfriend to spend intimate time with. I felt terrible about it. My husband told me that it was OK to do it, as long as he didn't know about it and not bring them to my home.

It made me wonder... Does he even really care? Or does he care so much about my feelings that he would rather me be #satisfied than #deprived ? I do not know.

What are your #Thoughts about this one?

#Bipolar #MentalHealth #feelingconfused #Anxiety #Depression #INeedAnswers

I've been stuck in a marriage for the last few years that has been uncommunicative and lacking any intimacy. We tried marriage therapy, but it was a disaster. He wasn't willing to be honest and vulnerable, the therapist wasn't familiar with trauma or BPD, so I kept getting phrases like "you're too hard to please", "he's damned if he does and damned if he don't", and "you're just too needy", which is where my individual therapist pulled me out of the sessions. My husband was supposed to continue by himself, but said he was only going to figure out how to fix me, he didn't have any issues. He works 3rd shift despite being told that my being alone is harmful, but he likes thirds because he doesn't want to mess with the supervisors. So now I'm sick of not having any intimacy, not even a hug unless I specifically ask for one, and my mind has started straying, but I don't want to step outside of my vows. I stay only because I can't work and I need his insurance to keep getting my mental health care, but it's like roommates with insurance benefits. I'm tired of this empty hole that used to have love and I'm on the verge of making some very bad decisions just to feel like I'm worth being loved and cherished.