I usually feel so lonely and empty yet whenever friends or family approaches me I just feel like they wanna talk to the old version of me and I don’t know how to let them in because I’m not the person who they expect me to be and everything is so contradictory lol #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Loneliness #Selfcompassion
Nothing like your childhood memories being discounted by the mother that abandoned you...
Im trying to find someone I can just lay down my honest emotions with, irrational and reasonable. You can do the same with me of course, just have to have a mutual agreement that whatever we say won’t be used as a judge of overall character. #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #BPDDiagnosis #BPDPartners #bpdchat #bpdsymptoms #BPDProblems #Bpdrelationships
Last night I am sitting at dinner with my family and in laws, my husband starts making jokes about how he doesn’t get a hot lunch for work every day because I don’t cook. This is an ongoing joke and has been for a while now. There are days where it doesn’t bother me, however, last night was not one of those nights. The more they continued to joke, the more heated I got until I finally decided to excuse myself and go upstairs. As I was walking up stairs I heard my mother in law yell after me "I don’t know why you get so upset. You shouldn’t let it bother you." Usually I don’t respond but I decided to shout back that it’s hard. But why is it hard? I can remember feeling like this my entire life and everyone telling me that I was always over reacting. Let me say this for the people in the back who are still ignorant to mental illnesses. I AM NEVER OVER REACTING. My mind does not work like yours and I will not apologize for that. I will not apologize for my emotions being "over the top." This is who I have always been and it has taken me 28 long, untreated years to finally realize that I have never over reacted, I have simply reacted the only way my broken mind would let me. Please stop telling your loved ones with mental illnesses that they are reacting in a way that isn’t normal, because to them it’s the only way they know how. #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #Myfeelingsarereal
I was having a moment the other day at work where I was just really frustrated and a co worker made the comment of how she didn’t like my “pity party” and that she liked me better when I was happy which completely triggered me into emotional outburst. I went off and ranted about how I’ll just continue to fake being happy like I always do instead of being honest. Then I dissociated, freaking my co worker out who (I guess, thankfully) has a husband with bipolar so she kinda knew what was happening but later I was embarrassed, upset and felt guilty that it happened. BPD always showing up and showing out. This is why I keep a distance from people , to keep this from happening. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #Bpdisexhausting #BPDProblems
I heard once that people with Borderline Personality Disorder are the real outcasts. I've been thinking about that. I've been thinking about my emotions, about explaining things to people and having it completely fly over their head. Left feeling completely frustrated, alone.
It really is true. We are the most misunderstood, stigmatized. I try to explain myself to my boyfriend when I'm feeling someway, and it just doesn't get through to him. Not really. How could it? You can't really understand it, not really, unless you have it.
The intense emotions, overpowering you, guiding every action, moment in your life.
The fact that it is so much, that it physically drains you. To the point you can't even get out of bed or eat, even though you're hungry.
That you cry when you're depressed, angry, happy, any emotion that overwhelms you.
That the whole world is falling apart but then the whole world is in the palm of your hand. Or how it constantly fluctuates between the two.
That one second you can completely and utterly love someone and then in the next second for the slightest thing hate them with your every being.
But those don't compare to the fear that all of these things always leads to your eventual abandonment. In whatever form that may be.
And no one, no one, unless they are like this, have this, understands you. So, you keep it all in. Imploding a thousand times over. Destroying yourself, slowly.
#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BorderlineThoughts #EndTheStigma #BPDProblems
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