breakups

Backstory. In 2019 I moved from Texas to Pennsylvania after getting out an an emotionally abusive relationship that lasted 10 years.

I waited a couple years before thinking about dating again. It took me about 3 years to heal.

A couple years ago I reconnected with an old friend from elementary school. We started talking every day and eventually that let him to fly in to see me. We kept this going for a few months and then decided that he should move up here with me. (this was before he told me about his bipolar disorder and bipolar mania)

Everything about him was perfect. We meshed together really well. The first year was one of the best I ever had with anyone.

Then the random manic episodes kicked in that first winter together. At this time he wasn't on meds. Eventually, he agreed to see a doctor and try medication due to the mania getting worse and affecting our relationship.

3 weeks ago he had the worst mania I had ever seen. At the end of it I found him choking himself to death with his belt. The sight of this made me go into the worst anxiety attack I had ever been in and I vomited 4 times. I've had an on and off headache/migraines every day since then as well.

I haven't been the same since this incident and feel like I should go back home at my aunts down the road to start over again. The outbursts aren't towards me but it makes me feel the same way I felt in my last relationship. Depression, anxiety, walking on egg shells. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this either. This was the breaking point I think, as there has been some other troubles caused from his bipolar disorder. He can barely hold a job, and doesn't handle stress like normal people would, lashes out quickly. . It also affects my fibromyalgia. The outbursts and anger cause me to flare up. I haven't felt good all month. I don't blame him. I know he is ill.

He's done everything he could to try and make this work and make our lives better. I think this makes me feel guilty for wanting to end things because unlike my ex, at least he put an effort into by seeing a doctor, getting on meds, trying therapy.

My fiancé has a flight April 13th to visit family for a week and I plan to tell him I think he should just go home permanently, a few days before he flies out. And I don't mean it bluntly. I plan to discuss my the feelings I've had these past 3 weeks and tell him I just can't do it anymore and that I've been contemplating things for a while.

*Side note*

He was planning to move back home to Texas within two years anyway and said he would do it with or without me as he wants to be closer to his kids. I personally do not want to go back so ultimately, I think it's better to break up now cause we would break up over this in the future. When we first discussed it I said maybe but with everything going on, I think It's best to stay here with my family and figure things out again on my own. Hopefully I will learn not to make the same mistakes again. I'm tired of my heart hurting.

#Depression #BipolarDisorder #ChronicFatigue #Fibromyalgia #Relationships #Breakups

I am just really sad. I loved my ex a whole lot. He was my first boyfriend (at the age of 25) and my first many things. He broke up with on the 1st of February, we were only together 5 months. But it hurts so much. He said he loved me quite early on, I took my time saying it back. He then realised that he didn't really mean that he loved me, and he took what he said back. I saw him yesterday to get back a stupid game he borrowed from me. When I found out he wanted to see me again, I was so happy! I was hoping to get my boyfriend back, I missed him so dearly. I had so much to tell him about the time we were apart. I saw him for about 5 minutes. He returned my game and left. And all it did was reopen the wounds which were slowly healing... I think. Does this hurt ever get better? Will I be able to find someone to love again? I have so much love to give, I would just like to find someone to give it to. #Breakups #sad #toomanyfeelings #Depression

I had a close relationship with someone for almost 2 years now, but it was long distance due to the pandemic and the fact that she lives in Canada. We met on TalkLife, which is another mental health app. She opened up to me with an issue regarding her ex-bf, and I was able to empathize with her really well. I even shared my insecurities with social anxiety to her and she was so supportive. Over time, we got really close, and I was so happy to find someone like her. She felt the same way. Everything felt so real and authentic for both of us even if it was online. It was for the first time that we both experienced a deep emotional bond. We started chatting on WhatsApp. We called each other almost every day, and even video chatted several times later on. We talked about many topics ranging from the things we liked and how our day went to deep philosophical subjects. We sent gifts to each other. She even wanted to meet me in person, but due to the pandemic's travel restrictions and me being at university, it was hard to do all these years.

This summer I finally worked up a plan to fly and visit her in Vancouver. But she told me a few days ago that unfortunately, we are not really right for each other because she wanted to find more local people. She also was occupied with making a move to another province. Yet, she also told me that I was the most genuine friend she's ever had. I guess, in a way she's right because even if I did visit her in person, things would still stay the same between us because we would still be long distance and in 2 different countries. Seems like she wanted to get deeper with me, but couldn't.

Still, I just miss her so much, and have been in so much grief and depression because of that. I want to share this because it is a prime example of how everything could feel so real and right in a relationship, but circumstances like distance and location just get in the way.

#Breakups #Grief #Depression #Relationships #COVID #longdistance #pandemic

My ex and I were together for 6 years and about 8 months ago he dumped me for someone else. He’s been coming back to me to continue to hook up. I know that makes me a shitty person because I’m doing exactly what she was doing.
About 2 days after hooking up with him I find out that they’re engaged. I told him that he needs to tell her the truth or I will, because she deserves to know the truth before going into a marriage.
The only thing he replied to me when I texted him that was “what the fuck is wrong with you, stop being so bitter.”
He has now blocked my phone number as well.
I have the girls phone number and I am really debating on telling her/sending her proof that we’ve still been seeing each other. On one hand I want to tell her because she deserves to know what she’s getting into, and on another hand my anger and hurt make me want to hurt both of them by telling her.
Do I tell her? Do I just walk away and let karma run it’s course?
#Breakups #heartbreak #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

It's been months since me and the girl I loved broke up, it became long distance when I had to leave America but I really thought it could work but I was wrong. Today she messaged saying she missed me after seeing something I shared and it just made me feel so confused about everything, I want to be able to move on but in her I saw everything I ever wanted, I saw a friend, a number one supporter, an adventure buddy. With her I saw a future and I lost it. We are now in completely different hemispheres and talk about as much as you do with old acquaintances, I want our spark back but I don't know how. Last month at my birthday I was stupid and slept with a friend I was into hoping something might come from it but no just got told she wanted to be friends and now she's stuck in my head "what did I do wrong, she said all those nice things about me, why talk about being into me if you wanted to stay friends". She now has a boyfriend and this shouldn't hurt me because we were never a thing but why can't I get over her when I'm still in love with my ex. I've been talking to this girl for ages and recently invited her round a few times in the past week just so i don't sleep alone and i feel so trashy just having her as a distraction and fun but I just don't see the point in trying, i either fuck it up or doomed from the start so might as well have someone there that makes it feel like I'm wanted even though I'm not interested in them at all and just want the attention. I feel awful doing it to her but she knows i don't want anything serious. I just ruin everything by always rushing it and now i can hardly sleep on my own or have the energy to do anything. I don't understand myself.

#Depression #Breakups #Anxiety #Relationships #Emotions #trash