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cabin fever: phase palm

I know it looks like it's no deal compared to places where COVID is raging like India and the US, but if you think abt it proportionally, that's like things worsening 4-fold within a week ... dammit.

But also, okay it's supposed to be Phase 2, Heightened Alert, but whatever. By now it's just Phase Palm (geddit .. my sister's friend came up with this I think. Thought it was pretty apt. & smart)

I know this escalates quickly from my previous post (hah) but ... I didn't expect to be hit by cabin fever this quickly, and this much. I don't know how to describe it but so Monday I had a Zoom meeting (team conversations, which was helpful even though part of it included my bosses dumping me a new assignment hurhur) then I got out of the hse for MH outpatient. That was a good couple of hrs. :-)

Today I sat in the study, with my cuppa (I even used my Keepcup ok, just to simulate office vibes) and ... barely wrote a paragraph of social ads copy (contrast: I can usually do this in like, half a day)

Tonight (its past midnight now, my timezone) I've also gone back to slathering myself (slight exaggeration but I really was quite generous with it 😂) with Badger Balm - it's a sleepy time balm, and great. But I haven't used it on a while now, maybe 3 to 4 months. 🙃

This stupid pandemic is a global war - and likewise this platform has a global community (🙌🏻) -- so this is a shoutout especially to those who've had to endure strict/long durations (here's looking to the people in Melbourne/France/Germany/Malaysia/UK ... among others, but these are the places that come to mind when I think of long/strict/repeated isolation measures) -- HELP A FELLOW HUMAN HERE: how did you cope with lockdown and how strictly did you stay indoors and how did you curb cabin fever ..

I mean, for now my personal baseline is the same as it was a year ago-- I will still maintain that I wanna go out to buy lunch and go out to supermarket to buy groceries, opposed to delivery. I usually order on my delivery apps, indicate the pick up option, then head to pick up my lunch. Pick up discount + no delivery fee + sun = win!

But ok I won't say it's Terrible, but the difference is real 🙃 It's a general sense of lethargy & malaise ... ._.


#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #cabinfever #COVID19 #Anxiety #CheerMeOn #DistractMe


plain & simple: help

I posted a Mighty long rant (sorry but thank you for holding space 😬🙃) in the CL Facebook group, but here's the short of it -

(1) I'm struggling to cope with (semi-)lockdown/isolation measures, which surprises me because I thought I'd finally got used to things,

(2) Measures are supposed to lift starting June 01 (less!than!2!weeks!), even though eg hairdressing measures just recently lifted in the past week already (so it has begun 🥳)

(3) wrt cabin fever - I do take outs (instead of cooking 😂) a couple of times a week, just to ensure I get out of the house to pick my meals up. I also get groceries/snacks when I can, so for eg I'm not entirely isolated indoors (compared to some folks I know who make it STREAKS of weeks at a time. I haven't made a single consecutive week lololol)

I try to eat as regularly as I can (though breakfast is a bit blurred sometimes - but I stick to lunch and dinner haha), as well.

So for awareness of combating cabin fever - it's not like I'm not trying, I even have the privilege of keeping to these with more ease than other folks who may not be able to leave their house/eat regularly for whatever reason.

But .. still .. feeling .. horrible .. and .. upset (like, antsy over dunnowhat) - and upset FOR being upset because I acknowledge that on an objective level, many other people have it worse than me.

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #COVID19 #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #cabinfever #DistractMe


Riding the wave 🌊 #informationoverload #CalgonTakeMeAway

First post. 🙋🏽‍♀️Mind cluttered with thoughts. Wish I could get an enema or something and this would all go know so I could get back to my usual nightmares😒 Feeling like a hippocrate cause I'm usually showing the upbeat, optimistic side of myself but I know that suppression for me eventually ends up in me imploding or exploding so...thank God for the platform so I can just kind of let it out.
✨I told myself I would only check my phone once a day to stay abreast of things cause...we don't wanna miss that "Hey forget your bags!!! Run out of your house right now there are helicopters...NO QUESTIONS PLEASE" kind of announcement 🙃
✨Yes I'm one of this people who use humor to deflect but I think it can be a creative healthy things and if I can make a few people laugh and smile in the meantime 🥰
✨Man! I spent so much energy writing my I'm like...'Why did you start wrong this? Now you gotta see it through and make sure it's half way descent. I'm slightly OCD, so are 3 of my kids. It comical and painful to watch. I keep wanting to say, "I'm sorry.
✨Ok...well, I gave all my energy to my bio and I have no more to give. Hate leaving this feeling it's unfinished but hey... unfinished projects are nothing new to me. I'll be back💪🏾 #stircrazy #cabinfever #anybodyoutthere #FeelingVunerable #feelinglonely #inmyfeelings #CanIGetOffNow #hi #HaveAnAWESOMEDay


I can recognize my symptoms of depression and anxiety when they show up, but lately it's hard to cope bc my regular coping mechanisms are screwed. I worked so hard to make those work and now I have to change them again! I can't go to my favorite coffee shop or wander Barnes & Noble, etc. Bah! So I'm using my secret weapon of stubbornness against it. I'm working on saying "you can't tell me what to do" when the bad thoughts come up. I think with practice I'll get better and better.
I hope you guys are doing ok. If it helps, even though we haven't met, I love you and I know we can do this. #Depression #Anxiety #cabinfever #mycurrentbestisenough



Swimming was my escape from everything: how I allowed my mind to switch off from all the worries, stresses, anxieties and urges I have been struggling to cope with recently.
It's been taken away from me.
I didn't want to lose it.
It was keeping me sane. I'm losing myself, my purpose and my desire to be better because I can't swim and I don't see the point in being a better me. I'm eating more, exercising less, washing less, tidying less, spending less time with those I love less and locking myself away.
I need to find a new 'thing.' a new exercise or routine. But it's so hard.
Harder still is people who think they're being helpful: 'try this, try that, try everything in between.' I know they care and want to help but they make me want to scream. They suggest what works for them and assume it will work for me. It's infuriating that they can't see that I'm not them.
I don't need suggestions, I just need someone to hold my hand while I cry and sob and moan because I can't cope without the one thing helping me.
Even here in a 'safe space' I feel I have to clarify: I understand the necessity of the current situation, I see why it's necessary and what it hopes to achieve. But, that doesn't help my mental state!
I hope that sleep will help.
#Cantsleep #cabinfever #Anxiety #Depression #Exercise #MentalHealth



While some people might feel cooped up and down right BORED right now,
I laugh with delight to get the privilege of reliving my sweet, easy childhood of the late"60's- "70's! Never a care in the world, the world was my playground and I did not need technology to have fun and be happy.  And yes, we had plenty of toilet paper!


Extreme fatigue 😴

Some days I sleep all day and want to be productive , then there’s days I can’t sleep and am productive. Today’s a sleepy day. But having some concerning symptoms. I’m growing restless of being stuck in this house. #cabinfever #Fibromyalgia #InterstitialCystitis


Kindness Week

Today was the first day most were able to be out from the week of frozen #vortex here. It is like I just have to be nice to everyone when I'm out.  First, the lady in front of me needed help getting her cart unlocked as it had been awhile since she was there.  As I rounded the corner to go in, a much older lady (late 80's?) had her cart on the ground on its side!  Probably b/c of all the snow on the ground.  Poor dear!!  I went to help as another (younger) lady and a man came too.  But first she wanted us to wait... her hearing aid was on the ground :(  and she got that before I could get down there.  Then I said she could step back and we'd get the cart.  The other lady and I agreed it was too full of snow so we went to get her a new cart.  At that time, a man who was finished shopping gave his cart to her! I put the first cart back and headed in to shop.  I gave her the quarter from her first cart and got a bit of trash out of her cart.  
I also helped someone find a hidden item and midst the 4 very long check-out lines every one was patient. #cabinfever
I wondered to myself where I get this kindness and cheerfulness in my  rare level of severe treatment-resistant depression. #hisfaithfulness  
In Starbucks I suddenly noticed a little 2 y/o or so standing beside me while I was journaling. He had a fist-bump for me. #smile He gave #Kindness to me! ♥ #Depression#Anxiety#treatmentresistant #52SmallThings