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More Nutshell, Less Nut

I am hyper creative. Almost always have to have something in my hands. Crochet, beadwork, drawing, sewing, wire work, gardening, writing, cooking, clay art, painting, fiber arts of any kind, video game, weaving.
I have to be making something.
Last week I had carpal tunnel surgery and have to not use my right hand for ANY sort of crafting for 6 weeks.
I did not realize how incredibly long SIX WEEKS is.
I am trying to learn patience, but it is not, not, not NOOOOOOT an Aries virtue. I may be good with size 11 seed beads and smaller. Or size 30g wire. Hells I can manipulate wire and beads into 3D sculptures.
BUT I CANNOT EVEN USE MY HAND. IM GOING BONKERS. MORE BONKERS, LESS NUTTY MORE SHELLED.
1 week down, 5 to go
9 weeks left for left side
#CarpalTunnel #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #frustration #craft

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New Year’s Resolution

I don’t normally do the whole New Year’s Resolution thing - I never stick to them. I always set goals that are next to impossible to achieve.

So this year I decided to set a fairly easy one.

My new year’s resolution was to respect the limits of my body. To take note when I’m getting close to those limits, to know when enough is enough, and intervene before things get too bad. Which I know is a good thing… But today I was visiting my sister and my little nephew (he is the light of my life)… And I’ve had to come home early because of my pain and exhaustion. And I feel like utter SHIT. I hate all these limitations. I feel useless and ashamed. I’m miserable.

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #POTS #AutonomicDysfunction #Dysautonomia #EDS #EhlersDanlos #BPD #InterstitialCystitis #Diabetes #Migraines #NAFLD #nash #LiverDisease #CarpalTunnel #Depression #sad #miserable #newyearsresolution

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Feeling hopeless

I recently had #CarpalTunnel surgery on my right hand three weeks ago, and will have my left hand done next Friday. At work on Tuesday I had #IntrusiveThoughts that made me need to go home and take a leave of absence for the next two weeks (I’m a teacher and will be on break). I had to take a leave of absence in the spring, too. I just want to be normal and not let #BipolarDisorder and #Anxiety run my life. How do I get the thoughts to stop running my life? Also, I got these gloves to keep me from thinking too much and also give me sensory warmth. It’s like a hug for my hands. Seeing my therapist on Saturday and my psychiatrist next Thursday. I’ve been calling every day for cancellations to get me in sooner. #GettingHelp