chechinwithme

I remember once in my life I dared to have some self-confidence. I dared to think I was good at something. No I didn't think my s*** didn't stink. I don't believe my head was overblown that thought too much of myself. I was just trying to be like everybody else have some confidence like and love myself. I remember sitting in the car and two girls from my religion we're sitting in the back seat. They began talking quietly but not quiet enough. One of them asked the other why she didn't like me. She said it was because I thought I was the best at everything that I suck too much of myself. I forgave that girl a long time ago but I'll never forget how she made me feel. Like I was the only person in the world not allowed to have some self-confidence not allowed to like myself I love myself in any way. That if I did people would see me as someone with a big head and not like me. I figured it was better for me to apologize for being me to everyone. The more I said sorry the more of a habit if became. Now if I say good morning and it's afternoon I'll apologize for a silly mistake of a word. I've been trying so hard to get rid of these I'm sorry feelings and find some self confidence and love myself. But as I sat here meditating doing some deep inner searching about the things that has affected me emotionally this incident came forward. I realized wow it's not something I consciously think about ever it's something that subconsciously has affected my ability to find self confidence. #BipolarDisorder #AnxietyAttack #BipolarDepression #MajorDepression #Fibromyalgia #chechinwithme

Hey Community,

I wanted to send a big 'Welcome to the Weekend' and hope it brings rest/refreshment/perspective/anything you need to conquer Monday 😁

What all do we have planned for the next few days?

Moi: Writing, walking and I want to make an Oreo pie 💜

#IBDAwareness
#UlcerativeColitis
#CrohnsDisease
#Caregiving
#chechinwithme

please, i dont want to be alone and lonely on my birthday. i’ve been looking forward to it but family friends are either busy or dont care. i’m so lonely.

my roommate isn’t the worst roommate but he isn’t the most understanding. my #SocialAnxiety causes me to over analyze social situations and a lot of the times say why I’m doing something for someone to ease tension. I’m normally really good at analyzing people and paying attention to body language but my roommate is the most stoic person I have ever met and it can be a real challenge to read him. as a result, my #Anxiety kicks in and I end up saying things that make him frustrated. 20 minutes ago he came home tired and I had my music going upstairs. it was repeating the same songs over and over so I was also getting tired of it. I went up to turn the music off and said jokingly “I’m turning my music off so you can Rest In Peace.” he said, “it’s not bothering me.” I replied “I know.” I was going to turn it off either way. the “I know” thing confused him and I explained further that I was turning it off for myself as well. I guess he has trouble understanding that I could have a selfless reason to turn off music? I don’t know. later he came downstairs with an actual visual aid to “help me” understand why the whole I know part was confusing. it’s not like I wasn’t aware of this. I’ve been trying my hardest to change this for him for three months. I’ve become terrified of upsetting him. I’m a highly sensitive emotional person and I’m already spending every millisecond monitoring my feelings to keep them under control. there’s a lot going on right now beside this. for example, I’m leaving on a plane tomorrow to visit my family for thanksgiving and I’m just counting the hours until my mom and I get into a disagreement. overall my question is, is it ok for my roommate to ask this of me? he told me today “I don’t mean to make you walk on eggshells but when I have to tell you to not do something...” it’s just more stress. I’m already #anxious and #depressed . what do I do?

#Depression #emotional #chechinwithme (again), #Stress

I’ve grown up with depression. It’s like my best friend yet worst enemy. It creeps on me everyday to remind how much I’m hated, ugly, worthless and should just end it all. Every single day the voices in my head tell me that I need to end my life and that no one will care. Truth is I would of done it a long time ago but I’m to scared. I wish I could just do it already and get it over with. But I just can’t. I can’t decide if that’s a good or bad thing. Everyday I wake up in pain in my chest wishing I’d never wake up. Maybe one day it’ll happen. But for now I’m taking it one step at a time. I’m not sure how much longer I can take this

Breaking News!!!! After years of waiting I finally got a new career!!!! I am THRILLED!!! My role will be to help clients obtain benefits such as housing, food, and medical insurance!!

Feeling pretty bad all day today
Ready for tomorrow

Yesterday was my birthday alone without family. Colored my hair, got a hair cut and today I got my first tattoo. But since around noon ive been stuck in this emotional funk and just dont want to deal with anything. Don't want to listen to music, play with my dog, read a book, but I did force myself to eat something. Ive been in bed for the last 3 hrs or so. I'm becoming emotionally numb and that's when my suicidal ideaology gets really horrible. Nothing helps me cope, so I try not to think at all so not to push myself to the edge of self destruction. It's so hard to reach out and talk to someone sometimes. So I'll place the hash tag #chechinwithme . I know I'm not alone, but sometimes I can really feel utterly alone with my mental illness. #bpdnightmare