#CheckInWithMe: Give and get support here.

There was a time in my marriage when the stress felt so constant that I found myself spiraling into a very dark thought: Maybe I made a mistake.

I didn’t want a divorce. I didn’t want to break up our family or lose the life we had built. But I was so overwhelmed by the friction between my wife, Rivka, and me that I felt like I was suffocating. Every interaction felt like a landmine. I was tired of the tension, tired of the misunderstandings, and honestly, I was tired of feeling like I was failing at the most important relationship in my life.

When you’re in that headspace, you don’t just feel unhappy; you feel trapped. You start to question your past decisions and wonder if you simply picked the "wrong" person.

If you are there right now, I want to share the shift in perspective that helped me find my way back-not as a rabbi or a therapist, but as a husband who was once ready to give up.

Understanding the "Hijacked" Husband - In my own struggle, I discovered a piece of science that gave me an immense amount of relief. I learned about the "Limbic Hijack."

I realized that when Rivka and I were in those high-stress moments, my brain wasn't operating from a place of love or logic. My amygdala-the part of the brain that handles survival-was taking over. Because I felt so much pressure and stress, my body was reacting as if I were in physical danger. In that state, I couldn’t see Rivka as my best friend; I could only see her as the source of my stress.

Learning this changed everything. It meant that I hadn’t necessarily made a mistake in marrying her; I was just having a very human, biological reaction to sustained relational stress. We weren't "incompatible"-we were just two people with overwhelmed nervous systems who didn't know how to find safety with each other.

Why I Needed More Than an Hour: For a long time, I thought that if we couldn't "fix it" in a weekly therapy session, it couldn't be fixed. But I found that for a brain as stressed as mine was, 50 minutes wasn't enough time to actually calm down. Just as I’d start to feel a little bit of hope, the session would end, and we’d go right back into the stress of our daily lives.

I realized I needed a bigger "container." I needed a way to stay in the conversation long enough for my nervous system to realize that Rivka wasn't my enemy. For us, that meant an intensive format-taking the time to step away from everything else and just focus on co-regulation. It allowed the "mistake" narrative to fade away and be replaced by the truth: we were just two people who needed to learn how to feel safe again.

A Message of Hope for the Stressed Spouse: If you are sitting there today feeling like the stress is too much and wondering if you made a wrong turn years ago, I want you to know that your feelings are valid. You aren't a bad person for feeling overwhelmed or for questioning things.

But before you decide that the "mistake" is permanent, I invite you to consider that you might just be exhausted. Not from feeling tired though. You might be a person whose nervous system is trying to protect you from the very person you want to be closest to.

Only you can decide your path. But in my life with Rivka, I found that when we addressed the stress as a biological hurdle rather than a character flaw, the "mistake" started to look a lot more like a path toward deeper healing.

You aren't alone in the stress. And sometimes, the person you think was a mistake is actually the person who can help you heal the most.

#MentalHealth #Relationships #Marriage #Stress #Anxiety #livedexperience #CheckInWithMe #NervousSystemHealth #selfcare #Tr auma #Healing #Family #communicatio n #selfcare

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC, is a licensed clinical professional counselor and the founder of The Marriage Restoration Project. After navigating his own journey from relational stress to deep connection, he dedicated his career to helping couples move from the "brink" to healing. He specializes in 2-day Marriage Intensives that use neurobiological insights and Imago Therapy to create lasting safety and restoration. You can learn more about his work and download his free 60 Second Plan to a Happy Marriage at www.themarriagerestorationproject.com

As we adjust, change, and revisit our daily, weekly, or monthly to-do lists, there are tasks, responsibilities, or goals that naturally rise to the top as priorities—whether because of the time of year or other life factors. Whether they’re health- or self-care–related, or part of our “adulting” duties, what’s something currently on your “need to get to” priority list?

#MightyMinute #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Disability #RareDisease #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Autism #Parenting #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #EatingDisorders #Depression #Fibromyalgia #Lupus #MultipleSclerosis #Migraine #Spoonie

Growing up, I had little knowledge or understanding of what it meant to take care of my mental health—that is, until I had to make it a priority. Even now, it still surprises me how much effort, support, energy, and confidence it takes to remain resilient. Sometimes I feel incredibly tired and exhausted from keeping up with my treatment and care.

What about you?
What’s something you’ve found surprising?

Feel free to share your thoughts below. 🙂

#BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Schizophrenia #ADHD #Parenting #ChronicIllness #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Depression #MentalHealth #Selfcare #EatingDisorders #CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn

When reflecting on our own personal strengths, there are two lenses we can look through: the ones we’ve only recently developed, and the strengths we’ve practiced over time. The strengths and skills that fall into that latter category are a reflection of your growth!

Let’s think back to the past five years. What’s something you can do now that you’d never thought you’d be able to do back then? 🤔

Mighty staffer @sparklywartanks said her strength is consistently and intentionally loving herself, considering herself and her needs, and growing in self-awareness.

#52SmallThings #CheckInWithMe #Selfcare #MentalHealth #Disability #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RareDisease #Anxiety #Depression
#Autism #Parenting #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Fibromyalgia #Lupus #MultipleSclerosis #Migraine #Spoonie

Ah, guilt. It can be a difficult feeling to navigate and process, and it can show up in many different circumstances. When living with one or more health conditions, guilt can surface in ways that affect how we interact with ourselves and those around us.

Mighty staffer @sparklywartanks has felt an immense amount of guilt when she is struggling and needs extra support. At times, it makes her feel like she is burdening others with her recurring symptoms. She wants to release the guilt that comes with having to rely on others. It is OK for her to receive support whenever she needs it.

What is something you want to release guilt around?

💌 Gentle note: You are worthy of love, community, support, recovery, and relief, no matter what guilt tells you. Sending lots of hugs! 💛

#MightyMinute #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Disability #RareDisease #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Autism #Parenting #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #EatingDisorders #Depression #Fibromyalgia #Lupus #MultipleSclerosis #Migraine #Spoonie