It’s getting harder for me.. I am also shocked by the changes.. Like I am happy at one moment and the next moment, I am just devastated.. I am left wondering.. I know I am not in a good state.. But, I am just too hesitant to reach out... To my family... I hate this... I feel I have grown this older.. I am supposed to be matured and strong... These aren't supposed to bother me.. But, they are.. Sometimes, I feel I belong to nowhere.. I am afraid of the judgements of my family... They will judge me.. It’s strongly connected to my past tramas.. My family treated me the worst... Except my mother.. She is the only one I got... Last night, I tried to call her.. She called back but I couldn't answer her back.. Yesterday, my sister said she was coming home and told me that she was told to not to say that to me.. Cause if I heard, I will come home too.. I know she didn’t mean it but it hurt me a lot.. It did.. I am not willingly doing it... It’s just my illnesses making me do it... Also, I was told I looked fat.. I don’t know... But, my appetite isn’t always good... There were days I passes starving cause I couldn’t eat... It’s complicated.. I wish I had a place to go to.. But,I have nowhere to go... Oh, I feel so helpless... I hate myself for feeling like this... Yesterday night,after a very long time, I did self-harm.. I tried not to but the situation got so bad I couldn’t just stop myself... The feeling I got nowhere to go is just.... I don’t want anyone to judge me.. I don’t... It scares me.... #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Selfharm #CheckInWithMe