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A tale of self-acceptance in my journey here 😅:

It's just too hard... I mean, the world is cruel. Everyone is just so practical that expressing your genuine emotions is something so hated... Why would you do that... Why would you say so... Be practical and all.... If you show your emotions, you are weak... It’s almost like living a robotic life... You wake up and do your stuff and all.... It’s like you are just fulfilling your duties.... Or I would say, you are obligated to do so... And, the reasons... For your parents, for a secure future... That’s the purpose...

But, when the question shifts from why you are doing this.... You just simply don’t have a proper answer... Are you doing it for yourself.......

This is the vital question... Not gonna lie, before my depression journey began, I was exactly like that... Yeah, that's my own story...
I wasn’t living for myself... I was just pretending to be picture-perfect... Oh, I can't disappoint my parents, teachers, and everyone else....

The ideal robotic version.... I was pretending... I wasn’t like that... From my very childhood, I have been someone who was behind every mess... The menace... Yeah... Loud and vocal, who would laugh hysterically.... The loud one... Someone who always hated perfection... For me, perfection is just too much... If everyone becomes the same, what's the point... Someone has to be the odd one... That was my ideology of life.... A person with her own liberty.......

And then, everything went wrong.... I stopped being myself... I became what everyone wanted.... The pressure was so scary that even missing a one-mark question would make me cry for hours... Feeling guilty and calling my mother.... Well, I would share a story to explain how scary it was...
The toxic parenting.... Now, I can point it out: I was severely sick, so I missed three exams... Even in that condition, I sat for my physics exam and I scored 96 out of 100....
And, when I told my father, he said you need to get more.........

I was pleasing everyone except myself... I lost myself..... I wasn’t like that..... And, that's how the depression just went on.......
But, now, if you ask me, I would say I am doing it for myself... Just for myself... My interests... Something that would attract me......

So, I chose the subject I loved... I didn’t listen to anyone.... I prioritized myself... And, now I can say I am doing it all for myself...
And, I am not pretending... It’s just me... Who laughs randomly, who listens to her heart.... And, doing random things... I shake hands to understand things... I try to be physically present... I use the methods I prefer and I just really don’t care how it looks to others...
Well, at the same time, I know I can't bother anyone....

So, for me, as long as I am not bothering anyone, I just don't really care....
It’s not easy to say that... But, I am trying....
Because the judgments are brutal and I do struggle..... Well, I would still say, I will always choose myself........ Yeah...

And, that's how I realized that it’s actually me....... Authentically....
Someone who is odd but exceptional.........
And, I am proud to be the odd one... It’s like finding myself once again....

And, I am trying and I am really optimistic about it... Being able to share this here is like a blessing.... This is the place that gave me the liberty to be myself..... And, I am doing so....
And, I am just beyond grateful for everyone here ❤️......
#Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #CheckInWithMe #MightyTogether #self
acceptance #CheerMeOn